stressed out... BAD... ='(

[stressed=/]

Ok first off i would like to say this post is very welcome to get deleted along with this screenname... ik this is the first post, i do have another screen name so please dont delete that one... i just wanted to flame a little and maybe get some advice before it gets deleted since i have no one else to talk to... I do love swf.com very much so again PLZ dont delete my other account i dont want anyone to know who this is... since it is personal stuff and im just looking for advice... hopefully
Ok i am still a teenager and i have had some pretty "bad" things happen in my life... and i just need to vent and i cant really tell anyone in "real life" about it because then that might do things... Anyways my life isnt all bad, i am spoiled (which i love) and i have friends at school and stuff but none of them know any of the bad stuff that has happened to my life...
First thing that was bad that happened to me was when i was 3 my real dad kinda abandoned me and my mom he liked fishing and hunting more than us...
Second thing (happened maybe 7 years ago) was when my mom started dating this guy that had a son and daughter (i am an only child) and she dated him for MANY years and i started to look up to him as a dad and that i would actually have a brother and sister that i always wanted to have... well then they started talkin about getting married and he well i guess he chickened out because of his ex wife is like crazy and he thought she would take his kids away from him...
third thing (happened around 5 years ago) one night i was sleeping and my mom came in to check on me as she always did and she noticed i was breathing hard.. she woke me up and i was all crabby and went back to bed.. she woke me up later and i was crabby but she made me go to the hospital (emergency because it was a sunday and no other places were open) well it was full and we had to wait in the waiting area then within a couple minutes or so i started crying because my stomach hurt so bad (try breathing through those little stirring straws for coffee for a while) then my mom started yelling at the front desk lady and she said they had one room that just opened up and let me in that one the doctor said i was having an asthma attack so they had me take this inhaler and had me breathing threw this machine..i forgot what its called its been so long but it basically gives u oxygen anyways then she sent me home... well later in the night it started up again.. we went back and this time they said i was having a severe asthma attack and said they didnt have anymore rooms open so i had to go somewhere else so they loaded me up on a bed with 1 iv (my other hand got a rash woot! lol) and rushed me into the ambulance which carried me to the other place 20 or so minutes away but it didnt seem that long... lol anyways when i got there they put soooo many tubes in me i looked so bad and i stayed in this room "critical" they found out i had a severe asthma/phenomia attack... later the doctor told my mom that he didnt think i was going to make it (are doctors supposed to do that?) well anyways i stayed in that room for 2 weeks then an emergency room for 1 week and just another plain room for a couple days before i could go home... they also said i needed to be tested for allergies so we did when i did they ended up saying i was allergic to some soaps, metal, animals, rye grass, mold, dust and some other stuff so they said i couldnt have any pets unless i got allergy shots (which i ended up getting, i got around 100 shots in 2 years and idk half that the next year half that the next year and half that the next year or so) but i ended up having to get rid of my chinchilla, horse, and 2 cats.. i got to keep my dogs =)
fourth thing (happened maybe 4 years ago) is my whole family hates eachother pretty much and we all split up right on christmas... so that wasnt the best christmas...

 

[stressed=/]

fifth thing (that was bad happened 1 years ago) was when me and my mom went to this adult party at her friends house i was hanging out with the other teenage girl and we really started liking eachother a lot and then we got to hang out a couple days later and we became friends and hung out a lot and then we started thinking how perfect my mom and her dad were for eachother and that we wanted to be sisters and stuff and then around 4 months of knowing eachother they started dating and me and her were really happy... well they were dating for 2 years and then over the weekened of fathers day it was time for her to go up to her moms and she never came back, instead he got a restraining order saying that he touches her and stuff like that where it sounded like he was a child molester... and that was crazy because he was perfect!!! So we have been going to court and he has a bad laywer cuz he cant afford a really good one( and her mom has been studying the law for 11 years now and has taken her other 6 kids away from their dads too and they all end up getting pregnant or have kids and dont have jobs and stuff) and so we have been going to court for awhile he has gotten 3 restraining orders, this last one is almost over, and idk this was really hard because i went from seeing her everyday to not seeing her at all for a whole year now...(her mom doesnt let us talk or text or anything-she caught us texting and took her phone away) and anyways every now and then she signs on to this online game and we get to talk for like 5 minutes but this is VERY rarely and everytime she does this something always bad happens in court or we get some bad news in the mail about it (me and her just talked yesterday on the game)

 

[stressed=/]

sixth thing (happened the night before easter...) well after she left her dad was a wreck he LOVES kids soooo much and is such a great person i sware i thought he was the best dad you could ever have i wanted him to marry my mom and adopt me and i was kinda mad at his daughter cuz i couldnt believe she said those things about him because idk they were obviously not true ive known him for almost 3 years and NO signs of ANY problems with him.... until one night... I started going to his house over the weekend to help keep him company since he missed his daughter so much and stuff and my mom is always stressed and hes not so it was a little break for me too... well anyways umm im not going to get detailed on this but umm he.. "sexually abused" me 4 times during the night... (not ----) and umm he thought i was sleeping.. but i wasnt i was just so shocked i didnt know what to do.. and i was scared.. and after he would leave each time i couldnt call my mom to come get me because he had washed my jacket that day and my cell was in there and i wasnt sure where he put it... and so i had no idea what to do and was pretty much frozen in shock (this was the person i thought was PERFECT for pretty much 3 years had no problems whats so ever i wanted him to marry my mom and adopt me) so i thought about punching him and kicking him and grabbing the phone and running out the door but by the time he came back in again i became frozen with fear again... well anyways i built enough courage to "wake up" the fourth time he came in (he kept doing more and more each time...) and then he was like frozen in shock and i said "what are you doing?" (ik kinda stupid but thats what came out.. i could tell you word for word our entire conversation that day but that would take forever and so im just gonna get the sum of it) and he was frozen with fear and said he wanted to wake me up because we are going out for lunch (it was easter morning) so im like ok.. and i get up and he leaves and goes to his room and i looked at the clock and it was 7:36am (we were NOT going out to Lunch at that time...) and then i didnt talk to him and i was waiting for my mom to come pick me up and he asked me if something was wrong.. and i didnt answer but he was persistent along with me being persistent and watching tv then he turned it off and made me tell him.. and i was like "what do you think?" and hes like "i have no idea thats why im asking" "is it about this morning?" and i said what do you think again and hes like "well i just want to let you know i told your mom EVERYTHING and so you can talk to her about it... come here i want to show you something..." so i followed cautiously back into her old room and hes like "you see this poolstick? (on the ground) well i was coming in here to check on you and i slipped on it and my hand just went right up there" and i was shocked that it landed there when i was trying to not fall... and you woke up and i didnt know what to say so im really sorry" i just looked at him and rolled my eyes and went back into the other room not talkin to him--i mean seriously i was there he was trying to lie to me to get me to believe something that was SO not true-- then he followed me and kept asking if i believed him and if i trusted him and i kept saying i dont know.. and then he was like well i promise that is what happened (he has never lied to me that i know of... other than the fact that he prob really did touch his daughter like he told us he didnt) then he started saying i will give you $60 bucks if you come over here the next 3 days and i was like i dont know... and then (i love animals) he said maybe we could go pick out that white snake you wanted... also remember that bird we saw well the person that bought him returned him because he was too loud so since your really good with animals i was thinking that you could teach him not to be and im like no you cant teach a bird not to be loud... (which i wouldnt have said if i wanted the bird but he was obviously just bribing me)

 

[stressed=/]

7th thing (happened right after the sixth thing till now) well when she ended up FINALLY getting there and picking me up we didnt talk at all i didnt talk at all, all day and then she finally asked me about it when we were at home and i told her briefly what happened like where he touched me and that it happened 4 times so that she knew he was lying and didnt slip on a drum stick... and she was so sad she started crying right infront of me and she never does that... and it was easter i ended up getting lots of notes with big prizes in them for my tank =) since he said he would pay for certain things she said she would pay for them and i got a couple extra things so that part was good i guess but idk i was acting fine ( i really do act like nothing is wrong...) and my mom was saying oh my god i feel so bad... i feel like im more hurt than you are... you seem so fine right now...you are really good at hiding your emotions.. i love you and stuff like that and idk she cried like all day and stuff and asked if i ever wanted to see him again i said idk and she asked if i ever wanted to talk to him again and i said idk again... i still had some feelings for him and stuff.. cuz he was such a great person except for that night... but then she said that she had this happen to her when she was a kid but my grandma didnt believe her and that she always said she would believe her kids and stuff and would never do anything to hurt them and i asked her if she would ever think about going out with him again then she said to me "i would ask you first before i did anything to make sure it was ok with you" well anyways a couple weeks went by and they started talking a little bit and another week went by and she went over to his house for a bit and a couple days later they started talking more and more and then they started seeing eachother more and more then she told me i HAD to go over to his house to feed my snakes so every week i went over there and fed them and then everytime i would leave with out saying bye and she would get halfway out the door and say something stupid like "oh i forgot my keys" or something and the windows were open and as im walking to the car i would hear them kiss... --did she not tell me she would ask me before she did anything?-- well anyways after this happened for a couple weeks one day when we were talking at our house when she said money was getting kind of tight and that i might not be able to keep my tank, and do other stuff that i wanted to do (this is the day after she kept talking about getting out and doing more things that she likes to do instead of staying in my room almost all day everyday) and she was like well i was thinking of getting someone to rent one of the bedrooms... and i was like ok and then she was like well i was thinking about a family or friend and im like ok and then she was like well what about him(not saying names) and i was like ........idk........ and shes like well think about it... and then a couple more weeks of secretly hating her i finally said ok (since she likes him so much and i do like money and idk.. just felt like the right thing to do to make her happy) and so she continued to kiss him each time i left and then a couple weeks later i asked her if she was dating him and she said "ya is that ok with you?" and im like ya.. i thought you said you would ask me first.. and shes like i did you said he could move in remember? and im like ya.. and im like so have you guys done anything? and shes like well we started kissing since u said that (then i was even more mad at her because she just lied to me) and a month or so later we were talking about his daughter on the way to my school and she said "well you know if he adopted you, you guys would be sisters and no one could take that away from you..." and i was like "whats the point in having a sister if im never going to be ABLE to see or talk to her?" and i was pissed because first she asks if he can move in and now she is saying he should adopt me i mean come on did she like totally forget what he did to me??? and does she just not care anymore?

 

[stressed=/]

Well anyways her ex bf before him is trying to poison our dogs, stabs our garage doors, wrecked our pool where we cant set it up anymore, etc etc (he does this to all his neighbors)
Im just mad that the ONLY person that has been there for me in my life the whole time doesnt even seem to care... im not particularly nice to her bf all the time and when im not nice to him she yells at me and says how rude and inconsiderate and unthoughtful etc etc of a person i am and im just thinking in my head ( am i not the person that said you could let your bf that has sexually abused me move in? (he hasnt yet) and ive let her date him and talk to him and see him and not tell anyone in "real life" like she said not to at all...?) she just makes me so mad sometimes
I do have the power and knowledge to wreck his whole entire life till the day he dies, for instance i could turn all of his friends against him and prob his mom and cousin(his only family) pretty against him, make him millions of dollars in debt(dont ask just believe me i know something that would do this to him), wreck his job, etc etc and make him go to jail for awhile and stuff like this... and i gotta tell you i honestly think i would LOVE doing this to him... but i dont know what my mom would do if i did this... and sometimes i even think of getting her in trouble for it too... since she yells at me when im trying to REALLY make it obvious that i still dont like him and dont want her to date him or get married or anything... but she doesnt care...
i just wish i had someone to talk to about it in "real life" that wouldnt do anything or tell anyone about it... because as much as i would LOVE to do something about it i want my mom happy but idk im starting to hate her... she really just seems to not care about me with him anymore... so idk... just frusterated.. oh and i went to the doctor once cuz i started missing school alot due to stomach and head aches and the doctor kept asking me if i was stressed at all and i kept saying no but she wouldnt stop asking like she didnt believe me and she looked over at my mom and she said that she didnt know of anything... but the doctor gave me stress

[hr]
because she said she almost always can tell by the symptoms people have on what is causing it..
also my mom is freaking out at me and getting mad because i have quite a few b's this quarter.. and she wants me to have all a's when i normally have all a's except for 1 or 2 classes i have a b or b+ in.. she is expecially getting mad at me because i have a B in math and im really good at math but my teacher thinks im cheating because i dont show any work and she cant even do that so its impossible for me to do that and i told her to write down 10 problems and watch me do it in my head but she said that would take too much time and she had to help other kids and when i do actually show my work i need to show all the steps (not just the ones that are needed since 1/2 the ones she shows are useless) to get full credit.. (i have failed 1/2 my tests this quarter..it didnt even say to show work...)
i have a major trust issue with guys now... like i think they ALL lie and they always cause bad things.. and stuff so idk... and my mom doesnt get why i keep saying no to guys that ask me out and stuff.. even if i have never talked to them in my life before lol..
but ya sorry... im really doubting someone even read the entire thing i just needed to vent... and idk i dont want to push the submit button but i do... idk what i want anymore... i want to talk to people but i dont..
Again it is absolutely fine if you delete this thread i just wanted to vent if you do some sort of scan to see where this is coming from and find out my other name please dont tell anyone along with please dont delete my other name... i just wanted to vent and maybe get some advice or hear from people that care... sorry again i feel so bad..i hope this thread didnt go against the rules if so just delete it and im sorry and dont delete my other account... im just really...

 

[ruaround]

go see a guidence counselor at your school... or go seek some professional help...

 

[stressed=/]

they will just end up telling...
I have thought about this a lot ive also thought about writing a note and putting it under the door but idk.. and besides school is out now...

 

[stressed=/]

plus my mom probably wouldnt let me because she would think they would get someone to arrest her bf that she loves oh so dearly.. =/

 

[ric maniac]

I would call some sort of hotline/child service. Then, this sounds sick but, if he tries to do anything with you, cut "it" off with something. Have him explain how that happened. Or you could find a friend, tell them/their parents and see what they could do, even if its just getting you counseling or talking to you. And I read the entire thing.

 

[alix2.0]

talk to the police.

 

[alix2.0]

Originally Posted by ric maniac
http:///forum/post/2637071
I would call some sort of hotline/child service. Then, this sounds sick but, if he tries to do anything with you, cut "it" off with something. Have him explain how that happened. Or you could find a friend, tell them/their parents and see what they could do, even if its just getting you counseling or talking to you. And I read the entire thing.
that sounds good in theory, but its probably a really bad idea. the last thing you want to do is make him very angry while you are alone and he is in an abusive mindset.

 

[ric maniac]

Originally Posted by alix2.0
http:///forum/post/2637076
that sounds good in theory, but its probably a really bad idea. the last thing you want to do is make him very angry while you are alone and he is in an abusive mindset.
Good point. I vote that you tell a friend that you trust, and their family.

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by ric maniac
http:///forum/post/2637071
I would call some sort of hotline/child service. Then, this sounds sick but, if he tries to do anything with you, cut "it" off with something. Have him explain how that happened. Or you could find a friend, tell them/their parents and see what they could do, even if its just getting you counseling or talking to you. And I read the entire thing.
i really dont think he will touch me again tho... cuz i have told him i am not afraid to absolutely destroy the rest of his life if he does... he really is a nice guy... but idk... i dont like him anymore.. i dont think i will ever deep down get past this.. like i looked at him as a father figure... thats what hurt the most... and im not sure if i want to take action or not... my mom loves him and shes the only one that i have in my life... and i cant tell friends or their parents because ik for a fact it would get around everyone at school when i go back and that he would end up getting arrested or something (he already has a record that his daughter tried to say he touched her but he had enough people to go against that that it didnt count but its still on his record.. and if it pops up again it would look really bad) and idk if i want to do that to my mom or not.. what if she gets REALLY REALLY REALLY mad at me... i wouldnt really have any where else to go...
And thanks truly thanks for reading it all it means a lot more than you would think...

 

[aquaknight]

How big are you, and could you take this guy if necessary?
Just kidding, indeed seek professional help. Talk to the guidance counselor and call the police if necessary.

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by alix2.0
http:///forum/post/2637076
that sounds good in theory, but its probably a really bad idea. the last thing you want to do is make him very angry while you are alone and he is in an abusive mindset.
he isnt like that tho... you would have to meet him he is about the best guy you could ever meet... or so i thought... ask any of his friends or family or anyone he knows they would say hes one of the best guys out there... which makes me hate guys so much cuz idk he would be the LAST person on the planet that i think would do that...

 

[ric maniac]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637084
he isnt like that tho... you would have to meet him he is about the best guy you could ever meet... or so i thought... ask any of his friends or family or anyone he knows they would say hes one of the best guys out there... which makes me hate guys so much cuz idk he would be the LAST person on the planet that i think would do that...
He is everything but great. He simply portrays himself to be, so that he can get girls, like you, to trust him. It's part of the whole predator thing. Sounds harsh but, he has been playing you for a long time. you need to tell someone. There is not getting around it.

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by ric maniac
http:///forum/post/2637087
He is everything but great. He simply portrays himself to be, so that he can get girls, like you, to trust him. It's part of the whole predator thing. Sounds harsh but, he has been playing you for a long time. you need to tell someone. There is not getting around it.
hes around kids all the time... he has a daycare and he hasnt done anything to any of his daughters friends and they have slept over many times with him and her there and even when shes not there...
my mom thinks it was because he drank a bottle of beer... but idk i told her he did that almost everyday...
btw he hasnt drank a single time since that happened.. he cries about it all the time too... but i really dont feel bad for him, i could care less about him... but my mom does..
*edit* also if he ever touched me again i would destroy his life in a hearbeat... and he knows that.. along with my mom

 

[el guapo]

Ok seriously its not what you want to hear but you need to tell somebody that can help you . This guy is not a nice guy . He is not going to stop this behavior . He has done it before you and he will do it after you . He will continue to pray on young girls . this huy needs help and any addicition specialist will tell you that people don't just change .
Your mom is a train wreck . She needs help . Anybody that would even think of such a thing as dating a guy thats done such things is not in their right mind . Your mom has some serious issues with her self because she is letting you suffer to fill a hole in her life . She is only continuing this circle of abuse by letting you suffer the same things she has .
There is no amount of money that is worth your trust, She is offering you bribs and thats not OK . You need to get somebody involved that will look out for you .
Please please get some help . The longer you let this go on the more damadge it will cause you .

 

[lion_crazz]

Indeed. You need to get some help. There is always someone out there who cares. Talking to us here will only get you so far.
Your mom may not like you at first for doing it, but you need to look out for yourself and any future girl that he may have the potential to do this to.

 

[el guapo]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637090
hes around kids all the time... he has a daycare and he hasnt done anything to any of his daughters friends and they have slept over many times with him and her there and even when shes not there...

This alone you should contact somebody .