stressed out... BAD... ='(

[reefforbrains]

Foster care is not up to YOU as I mentioned above.
It sounds horribly insensitive in print when I say this is not something they put in the lap of a youth for good reason.
Your feelings and reactions are yours to feel. There is no right or wrong in a situation when your confused or scared. Honestly with YOURSELF is all that matters.
Dont try to get some kind of created or pieced together story straight for prosecution purposes. Get it clear and honest for intentions and inflections of all involved FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE. Not your interpretation of what people meant or were trying based on thier afterwords or feedback. Get your head straight on what happed to you.
Proccess it in chunks and go from there. To what extent and at what level should be walked through slow and gentle with a councilor or otherwise trained professional to help you sort out yourself for a true course. Not build a witchhunt or to stir trouble.
Take your time but treat yourself serious and give yourself priority status.
I hope this helps. Always feel free to PM me if needed

 

[bruner54]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637132
ive tried bringing it up and hinting it but she just yells at me... or she gets upset and stuff but i havnt really just told her how i feel but when i hint it its like she always gets mad at me.. and idk what she would do if i just told her or pushed it under her door, i think if i did that and went to bed she would come down and wake me up crying... again.. and i hate seeing her cry.. and idk im just trying to make her happy.. she always seems depressed when she isnt dating someone... and she is always stressed out working to be able to afford things and some of my hobbies, i cant do one of them anymore due to it being expensive but idk.. i would be happy if she just didnt go out with him.. and maybe if we never had to talk to him again.. but what about his daughter what if she comes back?..
you might just trying to be nice and making her happy but no offense your not helping your situation. you need to make her realize whats more important in her life you or a guy i mean you are her daughter and she needs to realize that you need to come first especially after what happened

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2637133
Foster care is not up to YOU as I mentioned above.
It sounds horribly insensitive in print when I say this is not something they put in the lap of a youth for good reason.
Your feelings and reactions are yours to feel. There is no right or wrong in a situation when your confused or scared. Honestly with YOURSELF is all that matters.
Dont try to get some kind of created or pieced together story straight for prosecution purposes. Get it clear and honest for intentions and inflections of all involved FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE. Not your interpretation of what people meant or were trying based on thier afterwords or feedback. Get your head straight on what happed to you.
Proccess it in chunks and go from there. To what extent and at what level should be walked through slow and gentle with a councilor or otherwise trained professional to help you sort out yourself for a true course. Not build a witchhunt or to stir trouble.
Take your time but treat yourself serious and give yourself priority status.
I hope this helps. Always feel free to PM me if needed
you said councelors would tell..i dont really want this i am not trying to be a witch just more of a threat to him if he ever did touch me again.. even tho i would do everything i said if he did touch me again.. ik that sounds mean but idk..
the reason why i dont want a councelor is because they will tell i dont know if i want it to be told, mainly because i am afraid of losing my mom... i would like it if i lived with my mom still but i just want her to dump him.. and not talk to him at all anymore because if she does she will become friends with him and love him again... and idk.. i just want to live with my mom and not have to see him again.. even tho i really TRULY think he wont do anything again... EVER.. so idk..

 

[bruner54]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637138
you said councelors would tell..i dont really want this i am not trying to be a witch just more of a threat to him if he ever did touch me again.. even tho i would do everything i said if he did touch me again.. ik that sounds mean but idk..
the reason why i dont want a councelor is because they will tell i dont know if i want it to be told, mainly because i am afraid of losing my mom... i would like it if i lived with my mom still but i just want her to dump him.. and not talk to him at all anymore because if she does she will become friends with him and love him again... and idk.. i just want to live with my mom and not have to see him again.. even tho i really TRULY think he wont do anything again... EVER.. so idk..
ik you have said you tried hinting towards this i think its good your telling us this because you just need to get it out and i think you need to get your mom to sit down and talk with you about this you have to get her not to yell or anything and you need to tell her exactly how you feel and tell her exactly what you have been telling us.

 

[stressed=/]

and i dont think i can PM you unless i make a post.. im not seeing a private message thing...

 

[reefforbrains]

Ever hear the phrase-
"If I knew then what I do now things would be a lot different" ?
I could scream it till I am blue in the face, but you sound like you have made up your mind. Years from now if you have a family and your daughter God forbid comes to you with something, hopefully not as extreme.....
Change the entire world. STOP WHAT YOUR DOING AND LISTEN TO HER. Belive and support her even if it is painful.
Like it or not life changes. You cannot ignore things and just want to relive the good times over and over in your head.
Please at least think about yourself before mentally putting this crud in some mental filing cabinet under "the misunderstanding" or "that one time that I cant really be sure I remember right". Once mentally filled away it BECOMES that as oppossed to the reality.
Slow small chunks with someone trained to explore without exploiting the situation. No one is going to turn the world inside out. They will clean it up, painful yes but please believe in someone to help you through it to follow the best course.

 

[socal57che]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637143
and i dont think i can PM you unless i make a post.. im not seeing a private message thing...
I can't contact you because you cannot receive PM at this screen name yet. You can call a pastor at any time, night or day. ...

 

[reefforbrains]

you dont have the min post count to access PM.
You can use your regular ID if you like. I wont share it with the boards.

 

[bruner54]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2637146
Ever hear the phrase-
"If I knew then what I do now things would be a lot different" ?
I could scream it till I am blue in the face, but you sound like you have made up your mind. Years from now if you have a family and your daughter God forbid comes to you with something, hopefully not as extreme.....
Change the entire world. STOP WHAT YOUR DOING AND LISTEN TO HER. Belive and support her even if it is painful.
Like it or not life changes. You cannot ignore things and just want to relive the good times over and over in your head.
Please at least think about yourself before mentally putting this crud in some mental filing cabinet under "the misunderstanding" or "that one time that I cant really be sure I remember right". Once mentally filled away it BECOMES that as oppossed to the reality.
Slow small chunks with someone trained to explore without exploiting the situation. No one is going to turn the world inside out. They will clean it up, painful yes but please believe in someone to help you through it to follow the best course.
i completely agree with you ReefForBrains

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2637146
Ever hear the phrase-
"If I knew then what I do now things would be a lot different" ?
I could scream it till I am blue in the face, but you sound like you have made up your mind. Years from now if you have a family and your daughter God forbid comes to you with something, hopefully not as extreme.....
Change the entire world. STOP WHAT YOUR DOING AND LISTEN TO HER. Belive and support her even if it is painful.
Like it or not life changes. You cannot ignore things and just want to relive the good times over and over in your head.
Please at least think about yourself before mentally putting this crud in some mental filing cabinet under "the misunderstanding" or "that one time that I cant really be sure I remember right". Once mentally filled away it BECOMES that as oppossed to the reality.
Slow small chunks with someone trained to explore without exploiting the situation. No one is going to turn the world inside out. They will clean it up, painful yes but please believe in someone to help you through it to follow the best course.
ty i really feel like u understand the situation the most, expecially when you said "Like it or not life changes. You cannot ignore things and just want to relive the good times over and over in your head.
Please at least think about yourself before mentally putting this crud in some mental filing cabinet under "the misunderstanding" or "that one time that I cant really be sure I remember right". Once mentally filled away it BECOMES that as oppossed to the reality." because that is exactly what i do and always have done to bad things in my life..
and yes i have heard that quote before and im not trying to make you frusterated.. as i said before.. and i just want to live with my mom she is the only person that has been here for me for my whole life, before i make any drastic changes to my life and regret them always wondering if she would have broken up with him and not talked to him i would rather try to make the smallest impact on my life as possible.. so i want to try to talk to her about it (if i completly had made up my mind i wouldnt have said anything on here..) i may not want to do must change yes im a kid, i do realize that... but i just want to see if it will work with as little change if possible, i do not want to get myself into a huge mess and change my life forever... i liked it here perfectly fine until he did this, so if he would just stay out of my life now i think i would be happy, i do think my mom will get mad at me for awhile but i am pretty sure she will listen, i kind of want to pm you on some questions and issues that may arise if i do this, which i am planning on doing today..
does that make any sense? i think i repeated myself a couple times.. i do that alot lol.. but ya basically my point was why not try changing life simple? if it doesnt work i can always go the more drastic route..

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2637148
you dont have the min post count to access PM.
You can use your regular ID if you like. I wont share it with the boards.
do you promise that you wont tell anyone?
but then again what is a promise, i have had many people promise me things its just saying yes to get info.. you COULD.. not saying you would get more info about me and tell someone..
there is no way to know if it is a true promise or not..

 

[socal57che]

This won't work. It's obvious he won't change. You must talk to your mom. Things cannot exist as they were. He changed that. If your mom will not initiate the conversation you will have to. This will not just go away. Most likely it will be worse the next time...and there will be a next time if he stays in the picture.

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by socal57che
http:///forum/post/2637152
This won't work. It's obvious he won't change. You must talk to your mom. Things cannot exist as they were. He changed that. If your mom will not initiate the conversation you will have to. This will not just go away. Most likely it will be worse the next time...and there will be a next time if he stays in the picture.
which is why because of you guys i am planning on telling my mom how i feel and that i dont want her to date him or talk to him again.. this would get him out of the picture if she does this for me.. if not i will have to go the extra mile which will be painful for me...

 

[socal57che]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637154
which is why because of you guys i am planning on telling my mom how i feel and that i dont want her to date him or talk to him again.. this would get him out of the picture if she does this for me.. if not i will have to go the extra mile which will be painful for me...
Your bond with your mom may be much stronger than you give her credit for. She probably knows where this is going to end up, which is why she gets angry. She will lose any conrtol and security she may feel by ignoring it.
Once she faces the reality of this mess she may very well stick to you and leave him. You two have a lot of history, good and bad.

 

[stressed=/]

Originally Posted by socal57che
http:///forum/post/2637157
Your bond with your mom may be much stronger than you give her credit for. She probably knows where this is going to end up, which is why she gets angry. She will lose any conrtol and security she may feel by ignoring it.
Once she faces the reality of this mess she may very well stick to you and leave him. You two have a lot of history, good and bad.
thank you... i think your the first person that said something good about her, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect... and she really does like having a guy around for security reasons... i never really thought of why she gets angry because of that, i sometimes think that she gets angry because she is afraid that im going to ask her and then she would be heartbroken and stuff..

 

[reefforbrains]

I was beaten unil I would shake at the sight of a kitchen utensil.
Be made to sleep outside in a doghouse.
I would play rough with my friends at school or tear a hole in my knee and OMG I would literally hide. I knew I would get it when I got home. Bone shaking fear of thier wrath since I tore a hole in a pair of pants.
horrible times and then BEGGED to be allowed to stay with my "family"
I am not a broken soul, Not damaged goods, nor do I regard myself as stupid but your mind does very odd things to the way you remember things.
I have an older sister that still appologizes for never being strong enough. She HATES our parents for things they did to us. Meanwhile I remember playing with my favorite toy car in the yard. I once got stitches across my face and had to have my lower lip reconstructed and remember being exited that I got candy to suck on when it was over!!
You want me to promise that I would be on board with knowing someone doing something to a child that is wrong or innapropriate?
Take a wild stab at my answer. Its a wild ride and there is no pill to make anything go away.
I am not some firebrand looking to tear apart a family. I am not looking to put everything in your face for sake of "exploration". Like I said in my first post- You need to go slow and take this seriously. Honestly. And with someone trained with how to address everything that is going on.
Each situation is different and it is ALWAYS a swirling mass of poop in every family. No one is perfect. No one is calling your mother anything negative or makeing a judgement aside from thier feelers being up and worried about you. Worried that perhaps you are too scared, ashamed, or nervous about what people might say to give this situation proper attention.
Harsh but true- I got a dang lip torn from my face and then chocked it up that it was MY fault for not finishing my chores fast enough. I am not comparing our situations, I am only stating the gravity of the poor wisdom that is defined as Ill deal with it later.

 

[socal57che]

Originally Posted by stressed=/
http:///forum/post/2637161
thank you... i think your the first person that said something good about her, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect... and she really does like having a guy around for security reasons... i never really thought of why she gets angry because of that, i sometimes think that she gets angry because she is afraid that im going to ask her and then she would be heartbroken and stuff..
My wife's mother was attracted to the "wrong guys" and always had to have a man around, but was not strong enough to stand up for her daughter. It hurt her mother to see the way her daughter was treated, but did not ever stand up for her. Her mom loved and still loves her, but she could not make a good decision if her life depended on it. Talking to your mom will be very hard, but you must do it. If you think that you need to talk to someone first, then please take RFBs advice and seek the help of a professional that is trained to deal with situations like yours. In fact, do it anyway. They will also have an understanding of the legal issues involved so you can make informed decisions. Please don't forget to consider a pastor. I know for a fact that Pastor Greg Laurie reads and responds to emails and could recommend someone in your area. His email is greg @ harvest.org

 

[fishygurl]

Originally Posted by ReefForBrains
http:///forum/post/2637162
I was beaten unil I would shake at the sight of a kitchen utensil.
Be made to sleep outside in a doghouse.
I would play rough with my friends at school or tear a hole in my knee and OMG I would literally hide. I knew I would get it when I got home. Bone shaking fear of thier wrath since I tore a hole in a pair of pants.
horrible times and then BEGGED to be allowed to stay with my "family"
I am not a broken soul, Not damaged goods, nor do I regard myself as stupid but your mind does very odd things to the way you remember things.
I have an older sister that still appologizes for never being strong enough. She HATES our parents for things they did to us. Meanwhile I remember playing with my favorite toy car in the yard. I once got stitches across my face and had to have my lower lip reconstructed and remember being exited that I got candy to suck on when it was over!!
You want me to promise that I would be on board with knowing someone doing something to a child that is wrong or innapropriate?
Take a wild stab at my answer. Its a wild ride and there is no pill to make anything go away.
I am not some firebrand looking to tear apart a family. I am not looking to put everything in your face for sake of "exploration". Like I said in my first post- You need to go slow and take this seriously. Honestly. And with someone trained with how to address everything that is going on.
Each situation is different and it is ALWAYS a swirling mass of poop in every family. No one is perfect. No one is calling your mother anything negative or makeing a judgement aside from thier feelers being up and worried about you. Worried that perhaps you are too scared, ashamed, or nervous about what people might say to give this situation proper attention.
Harsh but true- I got a dang lip torn from my face and then chocked it up that it was MY fault for not finishing my chores fast enough. I am not comparing our situations, I am only stating the gravity of the poor wisdom that is defined as Ill deal with it later.
im sorry if i offended you by anything you said, i am trying to take it slowly, i am trying to figure out what will work and what wont, so far i have figured out that i really dont want him in my life anymore.. i thought i could deal with it which i could but i really dont want to... i think about what he did and about my mom wanting to still be with him ALL the time... in school i barely pay attention yet i make sure i get good grades, i have never been physically abused.. and i do not plan on having that happen to me..
i do have a short fuse with her bf.. and im starting to get a shorter and shorter one with my mom.. which is why i want to see if that will work or not...
Im not sure exactly what you are saying, i am a kid, but it sounds to me as though you are implying that i need to get out of this mess completely and go to a foster care or something, idk it just sounds to me like you think it will not work out with my mom if i just ask her to stop dating and talking to him..
i dont see my dad nor do i want to he forgot about me twice so he doesnt care.. my mom has been there with me my whole life, she really does care about me ik it and we got along perfectly fine before this happened.. no i am not saying we never fought, everyone gets mad at their parents sometimes its just we dont want to face the truth which they usually are right...
i do however believe if i confront her about it and talk to her and tell her how i feel and what i want her to do about it she would do it.. and im not saying things are going to go back to normal they never do each time something big happens, but in all they always have gone back to enjoying life and everything being fine between us, although we do talk about things that have happened fairly often.. they will always be mental scars so to speak but no one can change what has already happened..
do you really not think this will work out? if so why

 

[socal57che]

Originally Posted by FishyGurl
http:///forum/post/2637166
i do have a short fuse with her bf.. and im starting to get a shorter and shorter one with my mom.. which is why i want to see if that will work or not...
This seems like the wrong way to address your mom. She will lose trust in you if you play games to see if she will come around. Be honest and forthcoming. It is the best way.

 

[fishygurl]

Originally Posted by socal57che
http:///forum/post/2637165
My wife's mother was attracted to the "wrong guys" and always had to have a man around, but was not strong enough to stand up for her daughter. It hurt her mother to see the way her daughter was treated, but did not ever stand up for her. Her mom loved and still loves her, but she could not make a good decision if her life depended on it. Talking to your mom will be very hard, but you must do it. If you think that you need to talk to someone first, then please take RFBs advice and seek the help of a professional that is trained to deal with situations like yours. In fact, do it anyway. They will also have an understanding of the legal issues involved so you can make informed decisions. Please don't forget to consider a pastor. I know for a fact that Pastor Greg Laurie reads and responds to emails and could recommend someone in your area. His email is greg @ harvest.org
what if i just want him out of my life and to live with my mom? going to see proffesional help may prevent me from doing so as RFBs pointed out somewhere earlier in this thread i am not of legal age to make decisions by myself, knowing how people act they would probably decide to take me away from my mom from one thing she did wrong.. i do not want this to happen unless she refuses to break up with him and not talk to him again... i am very serious on this matter that i do not want to go somewhere else unless i have to.. i like it with just me and my mom, i do wish my mom wasnt as stressed out and didnt feel like she always needed a guy around for security..
is there anything really bad that could happen in just trying to do this?