Stressing out... (beware, this is a rant)

[kablamo]

Well, I'm only telling you guys this because you don't know me, but I could never have the tank I wanted because I have a wife, and she never lets me do anything, I'm so whipped...
So anyway, one day out of the blue, I get a call, and I inherit like 80,000 from an Aunt I've never met before.
Finally, I can spend a chunk (only about 2,000) on a decent aquarium that actually has a sump and is big enough for some stability, and the wife won't hear about it. I am just stressing out right now, bleah!!
Here is my list:
297.99 oceanic 70 gallon reef ready
39.99 top
245.99 black on black stand
266.99 AGA MegaFlow 3 Sump
169.99 MagDrive 1200 Pump
39.99 Finnex Titanium Heater 200w "Blue Box"
469.99 36" Aqualight Pro MH+PC+moonlights
24.99 Caribsea live sand x3
18.99 Instant ocean sea salt 50g x2
8.99 Marine Buffer
7.99 Safe
8.99 Reef Plus - 250
13.99 Reef Complete - 500
14.99 SeaTest Hydrometer
11.99 SeaTest pH Test
11.99 SeaTest Nitrite Test
11.99 SeaTest Ammonia Test
9.99 Aquarium Pharm. Calcium Test
1,747.79 subtotal
113.61 tax
1,861.40 Total
Here is optional stuff:
207.99 ASM G1 Skimmer
14.99 Grounding Probe
624.99 CoralLife 1/6 HP Chiller
18.99 SeaTest Phosphate Test
99.99 Hanna pH Pen
45.99 Loc-line 1/2" Spray Bar
5.99 Loc-line 3/4"-1/2" Reducing "Y"
13.99 Loc-line 1/2" Flex tube
3.99 Loc-line 1/2" Nozzle
5.99 Loc-line 1/2" Valve
add 50 lbs base rock that I already have and 50 lbs live rock at 300 bucks,
We are at 2160 for the basics and about 2900 for the extras.
That comes out to something like %3.7.
Is that extreme?
Does anyone else here have crazy others in their lives that won't let them have the aquariums they want?

 

[nm reef]

Sort of reminds me of a song I once heard....
hit the road jack and don't ya come back no more no more no more ....hit the road jack....
Fortunately my wife is very supportive and understanding...

 

[murph]

Explain to her how this hobby can do wonders for ones attitude and mental health. I gave up playing golf to start my tank and in just to weeks my mood has improved my blood pressure is down and there are no more broken of shafts of golf clubs littering the local course

In the long run the money expenditure will work out about the same, golf can be very expensive if you play every week.
Your improved mental outlook alone should be enough for her but it will also give you something to do and keep you out of her hair. Hopefully she will come around, everyone deserves a little joy in there life's.
You certainly don't have to buy all that stuff at one time either. If you can get a basic setup going your wife may develop an interest herself and then of course you will be spending way more than two grand.

 

[funkyman]

Without knowing how you ended up with your wife, how long you've been together, what's "keeping" you together since it doesn't appear you have a lot to say with how you get to enjoy "your" life, or what keeps you under her thumb so well, here's my take. Please keep in mind this is only an "opinion" and is strictly how "I" would look at things if I were you.
Weekly income brought in by two people to support a family / household is naturally split up based on budget requirements and (at least most of the time) negotiation. I can see where she would have more to say in this arena.
This is "way" outside of that arena. First of all, it's quite a windfall and money you are "directly" aquiring from a family member. Is she specified as a recipient? Uh....."no".
Are you asking to go and blow it "all" on a new Mercedes convertible? Uh......"no". The 3% or whatever it was will never be missed out of $80,000.
Does she have hobbies? What are they? What do they cost? What does her wardrobe, makeup, hair dues, manicures etc cost annually? Do you have these expenses? Uh.......no.
If you want to blow $3,000 on a setup so what? Just give her $3,000 to blow on whatever "she" wants. Now you'd be even.
Tell her you're going to invest the $80,000, and buy the setup with the profits. All you'd need would be a 5% return on something, and the setup would be free.
Tell her if she doesn't let you spend the $3,000 on the setup, you're going to spend it "all" in Las Vegas on hookers and gambling. The tank ought to look pretty good after that one.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I am fortunate enough to have a wondeful marriage (not that your's isn't) without being kept under the microscope. If I want something that will make me happy....I get it. If she wants something that will make her happy....she gets it. This is of course if we can afford it and it won't interfere with our families priorities.
I feel your pain brother. I'll tell you what though, you can't take it with you, and we can all be gone tomorrow. Take control over the life you've got and make it a happy(ier) one. It's too short for woulda..... coulda.....shoulda.

 

[birdy]

It seems to me that there must be more to this story than just my wife won't let me have any of the money I inherited from my Aunt. Either that or you need to seriously re-evaluate your marriage. What does she want to do with the 80,000 (besides pay the outrages taxes on it).
Seems like it is pretty easy to come to a mutual agreement on this. There has got to be more to this than my wife won't let me... What kind of marriage is that?

 

[matty0h_52]

Funkyman i must say those are some good words that even myself will take into account while going through life. way to stay on your toes.
i would bite the bullet and like funky man said-- If you want to blow $3,000 on a setup so what? Just give her $3,000 to blow on whatever "she" wants. Now you'd be even.
thats a good one. your giveing to get.

 

[oceana]

the tanks in our hosue bring us together. try that road with her. dont make it about YOUR
tank maek it somthing you do to together. although we would put money down on the house we would still do somthing that WE thought was fun. sounds to me that its her way or no way and IMO thats 100% bull S@%$. there has to be ballance. without it you might as well pack up your things now because that what will happen in the end anyhow. a person can only take so much for so long before it all comes out. Also like said above this is my opinion after only hearing YOUR side of the story.

 

[fishy7]

Kblamo,
If your wife is truly set against you buying a setup, Why....??? Drill down past the surface stuff(ex she is a jerk, mean, micro. manager and so on) Find out where the deficiency is.( I am not saying your wife is defecient but to merely point out that we are all not perfect and your job is to explore why she is the way she is.
First: Own up to the issue
Ask yourself, how do I contribute to her reaction to spending money? :thinking: It's a difficult question since "you" have to take responsibility for your actions.....past/present Give this some serious thought. There is no quick answer in most cases.
Do not say that "I am innocent" and do nothing to cultivate her behavior.... wrong answer.

I would guess you have a wonderful marriage, just have to look a little and find it. Your wife will start to turn when and if you figure out the issue(s) that lie below the surface. I think your marriage is worth it and you owe it to yourself and your wife. I appologize if I offended you in anyway. It was not my intent...

Good luck....

 

[puffer32]

Being the wife of a very generous man, (when he can be) I don't understand your wife at all. i got the tank I wanted, he built it into the wall because thats what i wanted. What does he want? Me to be happy! and vice a versa. I want him to be happy also, just so happens he wants nothing expensive ever, so he gets my love unconditionally and knows he can buy whatever he wants without me saying no! Funny, he inherited money and he spent it on our tank, yeah, hes getting into it too. Your wife sounds very selfish, unless like another poster said, she has a reason, maybe you are living above your means and this money will get you out of some serious debt brought on by you? Just wondering here cause otherwise i just don't get her selfishness......... I think you both need to see a councelor and work these issues out, something very wrong here.

 

[sw65galma]

or you could just tell her, you're gonna buy a tank and if she has a problem with it, you'll squander all the money first and divorce her so she gets squat!!
But on a serious note, there has to be some compromise..Marraige by definition is a compromise of life...
Like Vin Diesel says in "the pacifier" "it's my way only...there's no highway option"
Get your dream setup...if she doesn't like it...hand her some sand and tell her to pound it..

 

[kdfrosty]

I dont know anything about the wife...
spend the extra $100 bucks and buy a 120g. that'll make your wife happier :joy:

 

[oceana]

HOLY COW!!! i just noticed that you have a mag-drive 12 listed there for 169 bucks
thats just crazy. i just got mine on the big E for 70 bucks shipped brand new. 170 is a rip
mater a fact alot of the prices you have listed are all on the very high end of the pricing scale.

 

[stuckinfla]

hehe.....buy her something of equel value!!
But seriously.....
My hubby has nothing to do with my tank, but he supports if finacialy. He has his hobby (boat, $500.00 reels, fishing trips ect) I have mine (tank). We both enjoy each others hobbies, and support each other everyway we can.

 

[kablamo]

The problem is that she grew up poor and 2000 bucks is three months of living, and she doesn't understand that I make more than that in a month and so does she.
We just had a baby, and she is freaking out that I am going to blow all of his "college money" that I didn't even know WAS his college money! Now, that's cool that we are saving for a college fund, and I accept that, and won't cut into that, but you DONT need 80 grand to go to college! I say we buy a house with the 77 grand that will be left over!
Anyway, she's going through post partem (sp) depression right now, and I didn't realize it until last night, and that's why she's freaking out about everything and being a total spaz and trying to "secure her nest".
We have explained the problem.
October is my birthday, and I believe my prayers will be answered (at least she hinted at that anyway.)

And, as for HER hobbies, she has NONE. She watches TV as a hobby. It's pretty lame, the most I have ever got her to say about an aquarium is that it is "cute", and that was a pristine SPS tank, so that's what I might try!
Anyway, keep the comments coming, very interesting!
I guess I will Check around the net for better prices for my gear! Is it still illegal to talk about other sites?
:edit: This is all from a local retailer, that's why it is so expensive!

 

[teresaq1]

i can say my hubby complanes a little about my tank, but just a little, . its all the extra stuff i have laying about. buckets, water jugs, ect. he loves the tank, and what i have in it, and even let me get the 150 i wanted, he just dosent know how much extra i'm going to have to spend to get it up and running. That ok though, he is going to buy a bigger tv , so we will be even. I use the money i make babysitting for two little boys, to finance my tank.

 

[hot883]

My wonderful wife bought my 55 tank for me for Fathers day and then WE proceeded to stock it. Next thing I know we have $3-400 in LR etc. She picked out some fish and so did I . So now when I add a fish I alternate from her list to mine so we both have something we like. I just finished remodling her kitchen so I can see a 210 gal. coming my way soon. :happy:

:cheer: :jumping: :happy:

 

[hot883]

Kablamo, where ya at in the State? I'm near the top by Enid

 

[kablamo]

Northside OKC, 59th and may, if you know where that is. I've never actually been though enid, I've been all over the world, but never north oklahoma, it's weird!

 

[hot883]

Originally Posted by Kablamo
Northside OKC, 59th and may, if you know where that is. I've never actually been though enid, I've been all over the world, but never north oklahoma, it's weird!
I know where that is. I love going into 1 LFS by Mathis Brothers Furniture. Know what I'm talking about? I'm actually 20 miles N ofEnid in a very small town called "Hunter". We have 1 stop sign. email me at bcool831@pldi.net and I can set ya up at that LFS.

 

[oceana]

Originally Posted by hot883

My wonderful wife bought my 55 tank for me for Fathers day and then WE proceeded to stock it. Next thing I know we have $3-400 in LR etc. She picked out some fish and so did I . So now when I add a fish I alternate from her list to mine so we both have something we like. I just finished remodling her kitchen so I can see a 210 gal. coming my way soon. :happy:

:cheer: :jumping: :happy:

hahaha if i ever called the kitchen "Her kitchen" i think i would be viewing my tanks in spirit form from 6 feet under lol