Stressing out... (beware, this is a rant)

[pbienkiewi]

Lets look at it this way.... Think of a nice aged tank. say 5 years. Looks better and better. every year it looks better..
Look at it this way..... Think of your G/F. Think what she will look like in 5 years.. not as....well nevermind.....

 

[kablamo]

Well, I have solved it, I basically restarted my aquarium to get my rocks going, and My birthday is in october, and by that time, I will have put enough in my savings account to get the stuff I want.
All of those prices are through LFS, and I will be ordering everything that can fit in a box off of the net, such as the plumbing, pumps, lighting, and others,
The chiller is optional, I have to see how hot my tank gets with the MH going...
For now I am going to run an invert only tank for a few months.
Here are the specs:
29 tall, 50 lbs base rock, 6 lbs Live rock,
250w heater,
emperor 400
96 w PC retrofit
2 penguin 560 PH.
What all corals could I keep with that?
I am thinking I want to do some Macroalgae in the display and if I can, softies and SPS.
Can I do this in a 29?
All help is appreciated.

 

[rappa]

I think you just need to grow some balls... That's all.

 

[bluephi115]

I think you should start with a 75...cost isnt going to be that much different and you need to let your wife know this is from YOUR deceased aunt and you want to purchase this for yourself.....what kind of marrage allows that much control? If she controls on something like this then you must be miserable or just a wuss haha. Just sit her down and explain in a way she would want to hear.

 

[hot883]

Originally Posted by Rappa
I think you just need to grow some balls... That's all.

Joking or Not joking. Thats Holarious!!

 

[kablamo]

Apparently none of you are married. :jumping:

 

[hot883]

Originally Posted by Kablamo
Apparently none of you are married. :jumping:
Yes, going on 18 years. Hey, if I can make it through 3 Harley purchases, you can make it through this. Ha! Best of luck in your indevors (sp)

 

[bluephi115]

Originally Posted by Kablamo
Apparently none of you are married. :jumping:
going on seven years....I just have a good marriage with mutual respect and no one controls the other. I have bought 2 motorcylces, 2 wave runners, and an aquarium. I just allow her to purchase big items she wants. We budget our money and if it works with the budget then ther is no argument about it.

 

[toughguy80]

Kablamo, seriously you need to stand up for yourself. A previous relationship was like what you described. I'd have some extra money and want to get something I wanted. Sure enough the misses would get all worked up and say what if this goes wrong, or this and that. BUT if I wanted to spend that money to get her something, not a word was said(not saying your girl is like this). And I listened b/c like you I was whipped. Finally after a few years I was so miserable I just didn't care and told her that I'm going to enjoy my life and not be a slave. There was a lot of fighting at 1st and after a few rough days, things settled down. After that day when I wanted to get something just for me she didn't say a word.
You have to have some fun in your life. LoL, she'll probably say something like, "What, you don't have fun with me anymore?" But you and I both know that there's a fun and excitment in bringing home your newest toy. You just got to figure out a way to say it to her :thinking: Just sit her down and talk to her. If not, you have this to look forward to for the rest of your life.

 

[kelly]

Kablamo,
Go ahead and plan your tank, think about what you want and don't think to small. At smallest the 70 gallon tank you mentioned. Don't purchase it yet, figure out what the monthly expenses for the tank will be, especially the electric bill. See if that (the monthly expenses) will fit in to your current budget based on your current income, especially if the you become a one income family. If you are planning on buying a house, consider those payments in the budget too.
If you feel that you can support the tank with out an additional burden then talk to her about the tank, let her be part of the decision, do not make it something that will cause hate and discontent. You said that she is suffering from post partum depression, have a little mercy and post pone "pushing the issue" for a while. I am not saying to give up on the idea in any way, shape or form.
Most women want their husbands (and family) to be happy and I am sure that yours is the same. Sometimes it is better to wait than to jump in to something both feet at the same time. If you have any nice reef tanks at local pet shops, take here to see them. Maybe a local zoo or aquarium has one that is nice. Let her know your interests without making them demands, and you will most likely get what you want in the end.
My wife of 32 years would let me go out and purchase pretty much anything I want for my tank because she knows that I enjoy it. I usually check the budget and most of the time there is not money to get what I want, so I do without. I still enjoy my tank, but I like many of the tanks on this site better. Life is not all about what I want, but I try to make it about the the two of us and our children.
If you help her to understand that your concern is about your relationship with her and the family. That their welfare is you main concern, then she will learn to trust you and the financial decisions that you make. Your tank is not far away, just help her to feel secure.
Hope this helps a little.

 

[kablamo]

Way ahead of you, Took her to The Reef Shop today, convinced her that the 70 reef ready w/sump was perfect for us, we bought three peices of LR together along with reef vital DNA and I had her pick out all of the corals that she liked so I could talor my tank to something that she likes.
She likes leathers, colt corals, shrooms, zoos, clams (haha!), and every anemone she sees and tells me that once she got to the store she realized how pretty they were again so, problem solved. :jumping:

 

[hot883]

Originally Posted by Kablamo
Way ahead of you, Took her to The Reef Shop today, convinced her that the 70 reef ready w/sump was perfect for us, we bought three peices of LR together along with reef vital DNA and I had her pick out all of the corals that she liked so I could talor my tank to something that she likes.
She likes leathers, colt corals, shrooms, zoos, clams (haha!), and every anemone she sees and tells me that once she got to the store she realized how pretty they were again so, problem solved. :jumping:
I like that 70 in there. I"m also looking at a 90 bow glass similar to that in Enid for about $1,500, but they do have that 70 bow glass for $1,199 I think. How much is the one at RSWarehouse?

 

[doodle1800]

I have a solution. I haven't read all the posts so this might be redundant.
Give her $10,000 and tell her she can do whatever she wants with it.
Then take $10,000 for yourself. Buy $5,000 worth of aquarium stuff and a plasma TV (TV is for the family

).
Stick rest in bank and tell her your saving it for you and her and your wonderful future together.
Done...

 

[bluephi115]

good job kablamo!!!

 

[kablamo]

$1,199 for tank stand sump cap and pump.

 

[scotts]

This has all been interesting and I am not going to comment of what has been said, but really dude do not forget the taxes. Use a program, even last years if you have it, to figure out about how much you are going to owe. I don't know what the taxe rate is for inherited money. Don't forget the state taxes also.

 

[scoobydoo]

I suspect we're only hearing half the story.
Do you have a job?
Do you have a house?
Do you have medical insurance?
Are you contributing to a 401(k)?
What other bills do you have?
You should be discussing these issues with your wife!

 

[ballyhoo]

Screw that.....You weren't counting on that money anyway!!!!! 2000.00 dollars is not much to ask from money that YOU got!! From Your poor little aunt

I'm married and my wife lets me buy what ever I want for my tank as long as the bills are paid and there is food on the table.........Oh and as long as I buy her Coach, Burberry, Dooney & Burke, or this new brand Juicy Purses.........I will burn in Hell before my wife gets the upper hand on me!!!!!!!!! DIE WOMAN!!!!!!!!! :hilarious :hilarious :hilarious She once tried to come between me and my tank. I said "LISTEN WOMAN I WILL DO WHAT EVER I WANT" she then told me to sleep on the couch and I said " I'M NOT SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!!" and I slept on the floor for 2 weeks (boy did I show her). She then asked me If I have had enough, trying to play mind games with me like if she was in charge. I then spent 2 more nights on the floor until she said that she had enough and to come back to bed, I then knew that I had won!!!!

 

[chainsaw5vent]

kablamo, you could save some money on your setup by purchasing some of the hardware used h*
i was able to purchase an aqua-240 and korallin 3001 used for 600 bux (retail $1000+) for the long term dream of my exlarge inwall aquarium. every once in a while when the mrs. is having a meltdown she says that she's going to sell the stuff. i point out to her that she said it was ok for me to purchase all of it.

so none of the equip has been sold.
i do get frustrated w/how the money gets wasted in my household. i think the vast majority of men who earn money feel this way.
people, if you are complaining about how much time your hubby spends away from home because he's working hard to make ends meet, consider establishing a hard budget that has a couple of areas in place so he can be home more often. :cheer:
1. tithe
2. regular bills utilities gas money etc
3. rent

[hr]
4. max food in the house
5. savings
6. mommy/daddy allowance to spend on good stuff for themselves. no questions asked.

:hilarious