What's up y'all??? My story...
- Thread starter crimzy
- Start date
jmick
Active Member
Originally Posted by reefraff
http:///forum/post/3066341
Bummer Mick, My Ex tried to kick my butt twice. Mind blower isn't it. I am 6'5" and she hit OK for a girl but not much of a threat. One of the reasons I am so down on wife beaters. Not being in fear of physical injury it was still pretty traumatic. Could only imagine how a woman would feel with the tables turned.
Good Luck.
I was actually shocked that she hit me and I gotta say, her aim to the groin was spot on and I would never have guessed a 130lb woman could kick so damn hard. Actually, being attacked like that hurt more emotionally then the physical aspect of it--it wasn't something I would have thought she'd ever do. I did take pictures of my black eye and was tempted to take pics of the other bruised areas on my body but felt weird and kind of creepy so I didn't
She is a mess, we have had a rocky go of it for the whole marriage. She is into her things and her look more then what most people would consider the important things in life. I'm glad it has all happened, it's like a veil has fallen and I now she her for who she really is and it's almost liberating. My family is also really happy, they've never been keen on her and see this as my chance to get away from her and rebuild a good happy life.
http:///forum/post/3066341
Bummer Mick, My Ex tried to kick my butt twice. Mind blower isn't it. I am 6'5" and she hit OK for a girl but not much of a threat. One of the reasons I am so down on wife beaters. Not being in fear of physical injury it was still pretty traumatic. Could only imagine how a woman would feel with the tables turned.
Good Luck.
I was actually shocked that she hit me and I gotta say, her aim to the groin was spot on and I would never have guessed a 130lb woman could kick so damn hard. Actually, being attacked like that hurt more emotionally then the physical aspect of it--it wasn't something I would have thought she'd ever do. I did take pictures of my black eye and was tempted to take pics of the other bruised areas on my body but felt weird and kind of creepy so I didn't
She is a mess, we have had a rocky go of it for the whole marriage. She is into her things and her look more then what most people would consider the important things in life. I'm glad it has all happened, it's like a veil has fallen and I now she her for who she really is and it's almost liberating. My family is also really happy, they've never been keen on her and see this as my chance to get away from her and rebuild a good happy life.
t316
Active Member
Crimzy, what's the update? Did you let her back in the house temporarily? If so, you are a better man than me, yet...I have had this on my mind, and in doing some thought process here, the house belongs to both of you. So, technically (even though one has a problem with the other) there is no reason why the "other" has to leave until things are settled...
I don't know...just some late night processing, but I would have still said no to staying in the house, if that's what you did.
I don't know...just some late night processing, but I would have still said no to staying in the house, if that's what you did.
crimzy
Active Member
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3066704
Crimzy, what's the update? Did you let her back in the house temporarily? If so, you are a better man than me, yet...I have had this on my mind, and in doing some thought process here, the house belongs to both of you. So, technically (even though one has a problem with the other) there is no reason why the "other" has to leave until things are settled...
I don't know...just some late night processing, but I would have still said no to staying in the house, if that's what you did.
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
http:///forum/post/3066704
Crimzy, what's the update? Did you let her back in the house temporarily? If so, you are a better man than me, yet...I have had this on my mind, and in doing some thought process here, the house belongs to both of you. So, technically (even though one has a problem with the other) there is no reason why the "other" has to leave until things are settled...
I don't know...just some late night processing, but I would have still said no to staying in the house, if that's what you did.
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
jmick
Active Member
Originally Posted by crimzy
http:///forum/post/3066764
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
How are your little ones doing Crimzy? From what I remember, it seemed as if you had been the primary care giver to your children when you were home which hopefully makes it easier on the kids.
It's a good thing you were able to put the anger away, might as well focus your energy on more positive things. What's done is done and there's no real point in dwelling on it. All you can do is move on and find someone who cares about you as much as they care about themself.
http:///forum/post/3066764
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
How are your little ones doing Crimzy? From what I remember, it seemed as if you had been the primary care giver to your children when you were home which hopefully makes it easier on the kids.
It's a good thing you were able to put the anger away, might as well focus your energy on more positive things. What's done is done and there's no real point in dwelling on it. All you can do is move on and find someone who cares about you as much as they care about themself.
T
tizzo
Guest
So, I just spent my morning reading all 3 pages of this thread.
Well first and foremost Crimzy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It just sucks all the way around.
And second, I believe that 99.5% of the population has insecurities that are expressed through vindictful, hateful or revenge type actions. Truly secure people, few as we are, don't resort to the pettiness. So I pretty much agree with all of your decisions and your reasons for them. My only caution to you though, is that you have to think long and hard about why this is ending. Because when she moves back in, it will be real east to forget.
-hold on, lemme switch to my desktop.
Well first and foremost Crimzy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It just sucks all the way around.
And second, I believe that 99.5% of the population has insecurities that are expressed through vindictful, hateful or revenge type actions. Truly secure people, few as we are, don't resort to the pettiness. So I pretty much agree with all of your decisions and your reasons for them. My only caution to you though, is that you have to think long and hard about why this is ending. Because when she moves back in, it will be real east to forget.
-hold on, lemme switch to my desktop.
T
tizzo
Guest
Hard to type on that iPhone, my hands go numb...
Anyway, as I was saying, when she's back in and you two are simply watching TV or playing with the kids, thoughts of wanting that back may over ride these last few weeks. I just warn caution.
And I for one, non judgemental as I am will be the first to say, that if you do decide to take her back, we will all assume you know your own situation best and will support your decision, so don't run and hide from the boards cause you aired your dirty laundry, lol.
Kudos to you on how your handling this and your perspective.
And FWIW, your right about what you said about girls and their nights out. I love my space! Have a few male friends I text and talk to often, from these boards alone I live near and regularly talk to Grouper Genius and Green Machine... I like my space. I'm not cheating, or setting myself up to. My kids are well taken care of, so why not? So, your right on that acct also...
We only know what you wrote and her side may be different, but if you provided for her, tended the kids, gave her space, trusted her, and all the rest you mentioned... then her cheating, had nothing to do with you. Something was or is going on with her that is beyond your control.
You did everything right and she still ventured... That's on her, not you.
Good luck with this and keep us posted as you have been.
Miaheat, sorry about your situation, but better now than after right??
Jmick, You too... sorry to hear of your situation. Your X definitely has issues too!
Good luck to all...
Anyway, as I was saying, when she's back in and you two are simply watching TV or playing with the kids, thoughts of wanting that back may over ride these last few weeks. I just warn caution.
And I for one, non judgemental as I am will be the first to say, that if you do decide to take her back, we will all assume you know your own situation best and will support your decision, so don't run and hide from the boards cause you aired your dirty laundry, lol.
Kudos to you on how your handling this and your perspective.
And FWIW, your right about what you said about girls and their nights out. I love my space! Have a few male friends I text and talk to often, from these boards alone I live near and regularly talk to Grouper Genius and Green Machine... I like my space. I'm not cheating, or setting myself up to. My kids are well taken care of, so why not? So, your right on that acct also...
We only know what you wrote and her side may be different, but if you provided for her, tended the kids, gave her space, trusted her, and all the rest you mentioned... then her cheating, had nothing to do with you. Something was or is going on with her that is beyond your control.
You did everything right and she still ventured... That's on her, not you.
Good luck with this and keep us posted as you have been.
Miaheat, sorry about your situation, but better now than after right??
Jmick, You too... sorry to hear of your situation. Your X definitely has issues too!
Good luck to all...
crimzy
Active Member
Originally Posted by Jmick
http:///forum/post/3066773
How are your little ones doing Crimzy? From what I remember, it seemed as if you had been the primary care giver to your children when you were home which hopefully makes it easier on the kids.
It's a good thing you were able to put the anger away, might as well focus your energy on more positive things. What's done is done and there's no real point in dwelling on it. All you can do is move on and find someone who cares about you as much as they care about themself.
Originally Posted by Tizzo
http:///forum/post/3066778
So, I just spent my morning reading all 3 pages of this thread.
Well first and foremost Crimzy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It just sucks all the way around.
And second, I believe that 99.5% of the population has insecurities that are expressed through vindictful, hateful or revenge type actions. Truly secure people, few as we are, don't resort to the pettiness. So I pretty much agree with all of your decisions and your reasons for them. My only caution to you though, is that you have to think long and hard about why this is ending. Because when she moves back in, it will be real east to forget.
-hold on, lemme switch to my desktop.
My kids are actually doing really well. My 3 year old has asked questions about us doing things together or mommy living at home. But overall they seem as happy as ever and are adjusting well, despite the craziness of the adults around them.
I was not the "primary caregiver" as I work fairly long hours. But when I am home, usually my wife would be somewhere else so I did take care of the girls a lot.
As far as the anger, Jmick, I don't know about what's going on with you, but I have had some emotional swings. I went from angry to sad to reminiscent. I would call or text wife based on whatever mood I happened to be in. But I discovered that showing her my emotions was just playing into her hands. I got some advice from a friend that I should not show her that any of this bothers me anymore... and actually, when I took that route, the pain quickly subsided. As of now, I feel that I've been able to close off those negative emotions and try to enjoy my life. And I feel like myself again.
Tizzo, regarding the potential of taking her back, that will not happen. She's not going to be a wife, or even a friend when she comes back. I have no intention of watching TV with her or sleeping in the same bed. When it's her time with the girls, I plan to be out and I think she plans the same. And I am already in the process of looking for a house for her. The one good thing is that when she is home, I think it will be easier to just make a deal and be done with this mess.
On a side note, Tizzo, I know that you mean well and probably have the best intentions in your relationship. But the one thing that I've learned in this situation is that if you repeatedly put yourself in compromising situations, you will likely have a moment of weakness at some point. No matter how committed you are to your family, if you have relationships with other men, feelings may get involved without you intending to do anything wrong. Assuming that this was the only time my wife cheated, (which I really have no idea), then it was just a situation where she was tested too many times. At this point, I think that if you are married, then you should try to avoid those situations, and/or having relationships with other men. JMO.
http:///forum/post/3066773
How are your little ones doing Crimzy? From what I remember, it seemed as if you had been the primary care giver to your children when you were home which hopefully makes it easier on the kids.
It's a good thing you were able to put the anger away, might as well focus your energy on more positive things. What's done is done and there's no real point in dwelling on it. All you can do is move on and find someone who cares about you as much as they care about themself.
Originally Posted by Tizzo
http:///forum/post/3066778
So, I just spent my morning reading all 3 pages of this thread.
Well first and foremost Crimzy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It just sucks all the way around.
And second, I believe that 99.5% of the population has insecurities that are expressed through vindictful, hateful or revenge type actions. Truly secure people, few as we are, don't resort to the pettiness. So I pretty much agree with all of your decisions and your reasons for them. My only caution to you though, is that you have to think long and hard about why this is ending. Because when she moves back in, it will be real east to forget.
-hold on, lemme switch to my desktop.
My kids are actually doing really well. My 3 year old has asked questions about us doing things together or mommy living at home. But overall they seem as happy as ever and are adjusting well, despite the craziness of the adults around them.
I was not the "primary caregiver" as I work fairly long hours. But when I am home, usually my wife would be somewhere else so I did take care of the girls a lot.
As far as the anger, Jmick, I don't know about what's going on with you, but I have had some emotional swings. I went from angry to sad to reminiscent. I would call or text wife based on whatever mood I happened to be in. But I discovered that showing her my emotions was just playing into her hands. I got some advice from a friend that I should not show her that any of this bothers me anymore... and actually, when I took that route, the pain quickly subsided. As of now, I feel that I've been able to close off those negative emotions and try to enjoy my life. And I feel like myself again.
Tizzo, regarding the potential of taking her back, that will not happen. She's not going to be a wife, or even a friend when she comes back. I have no intention of watching TV with her or sleeping in the same bed. When it's her time with the girls, I plan to be out and I think she plans the same. And I am already in the process of looking for a house for her. The one good thing is that when she is home, I think it will be easier to just make a deal and be done with this mess.
On a side note, Tizzo, I know that you mean well and probably have the best intentions in your relationship. But the one thing that I've learned in this situation is that if you repeatedly put yourself in compromising situations, you will likely have a moment of weakness at some point. No matter how committed you are to your family, if you have relationships with other men, feelings may get involved without you intending to do anything wrong. Assuming that this was the only time my wife cheated, (which I really have no idea), then it was just a situation where she was tested too many times. At this point, I think that if you are married, then you should try to avoid those situations, and/or having relationships with other men. JMO.
reefraff
Active Member
Originally Posted by crimzy
http:///forum/post/3066764
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
Good man Crimz, handling it like an Adult. Just stick to your guns. Letting her back in isn't a great idea but under the circumstances what else could you have done?
http:///forum/post/3066764
I really can't say no to letting her back in the house. I did not file a motion for her removal so there is no court order preventing her from moving back in. She said she's coming back in a week or two.
As of now, things are stable. We are trying to put together our deal and just move on. I have pretty much put the anger and pain behind me and am looking forward. Actually things are pretty good... will be better when the divorce is done.
Good man Crimz, handling it like an Adult. Just stick to your guns. Letting her back in isn't a great idea but under the circumstances what else could you have done?
reefraff
Active Member
Crimz and Mick,
When I was younger I used to brag about the fact I learned from other people's mistakes. Then I got married. Anyway having gone through this with the first woman I ever loved I really feel for you guys. There isn't really anything anyone can say or do to make this hurt less but maybe can help you prepare for whats to come.
You guys are both going to go through the roller coaster for a good long time so prepare yourself. The one thing that is going to happen most (Based on my experience and talking with two family members who went through divorces) is second guessing your decision.
After my divorce I moved to Phoenix. Me and the ex had a couple of details to iron out so we had to talk a couple times. Then we just started talking and there was talk of her moving to Arizona and us putting things back together. This was about a year after the split. All it took was 5 minutes with her back in California for me to come to my senses.
In my case there were no kids involved (She had a kid when I met her so while considered him mine he really wasn't). Having kids (dunno if you do or not Mick) is going to make it hard to make a clean break but as hard and harsh as it may sound the kids cannot be a factor in your decision. Staying in a bad marriage for the kids sake is the worst thing you can do. Kids should only factor in to how you handle the divorce.
Another bit of advice. My divorce went pretty smooth because in hind sight I realize my ex was a fool but NEVER, EVER trust the ex until everything is on paper and signed. I you can keep lawyers out of it you are way better off. Divorce lawyers have a way of talking people out of being reasonable.
When I was younger I used to brag about the fact I learned from other people's mistakes. Then I got married. Anyway having gone through this with the first woman I ever loved I really feel for you guys. There isn't really anything anyone can say or do to make this hurt less but maybe can help you prepare for whats to come.
You guys are both going to go through the roller coaster for a good long time so prepare yourself. The one thing that is going to happen most (Based on my experience and talking with two family members who went through divorces) is second guessing your decision.
After my divorce I moved to Phoenix. Me and the ex had a couple of details to iron out so we had to talk a couple times. Then we just started talking and there was talk of her moving to Arizona and us putting things back together. This was about a year after the split. All it took was 5 minutes with her back in California for me to come to my senses.
In my case there were no kids involved (She had a kid when I met her so while considered him mine he really wasn't). Having kids (dunno if you do or not Mick) is going to make it hard to make a clean break but as hard and harsh as it may sound the kids cannot be a factor in your decision. Staying in a bad marriage for the kids sake is the worst thing you can do. Kids should only factor in to how you handle the divorce.
Another bit of advice. My divorce went pretty smooth because in hind sight I realize my ex was a fool but NEVER, EVER trust the ex until everything is on paper and signed. I you can keep lawyers out of it you are way better off. Divorce lawyers have a way of talking people out of being reasonable.
meowzer
Moderator
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3066915
So where's the piece of crap that participated in all this? Is he in hiding from you? I can tell that you are not a vindictive person, so I know that you are not out wasting your time going after him, just wondering if he's in hiding and/or what your wife's take on him is.
And if you knew him? Because that would be different too...The way I look at it is ....she is the one who cheated on you...BUT if you knew him, and he knew you...different story
http:///forum/post/3066915
So where's the piece of crap that participated in all this? Is he in hiding from you? I can tell that you are not a vindictive person, so I know that you are not out wasting your time going after him, just wondering if he's in hiding and/or what your wife's take on him is.
And if you knew him? Because that would be different too...The way I look at it is ....she is the one who cheated on you...BUT if you knew him, and he knew you...different story
ironeagle2006
Active Member
Turns out I knew the man that my Ex cheated with. Well lets say if he was wanting to take on my EX-wife so BE IT. After I moved out of WI back to IL he called me up my ex had my parents phone number and goes HOW IN THE HELL did you put up with her for 5 years. I told him helps to have the patience of a saint the ability to forget the pain she inflicts and alot of Jack Daniels and Therapy.
What I am trying to say is how she cheated on you with Crimzy more than likely was not her first affair and even if it was it would not be her last. I know that it hurts more than you can think that the mother of you kids would do this to you. Look at it this way you could have ended up like a friend of mine he had the little snip 2 years ago 3 weeks ago his wife told him that she was 10 weeks Pregant. One small issue he was deployed to Iraq for the last 6 months so he can not be the FATHER. He already has a Lawyer on retainer. At least you did not end up with that situation.
What I am trying to say is how she cheated on you with Crimzy more than likely was not her first affair and even if it was it would not be her last. I know that it hurts more than you can think that the mother of you kids would do this to you. Look at it this way you could have ended up like a friend of mine he had the little snip 2 years ago 3 weeks ago his wife told him that she was 10 weeks Pregant. One small issue he was deployed to Iraq for the last 6 months so he can not be the FATHER. He already has a Lawyer on retainer. At least you did not end up with that situation.
crimzy
Active Member
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3066915
So where's the piece of crap that participated in all this? Is he in hiding from you? I can tell that you are not a vindictive person, so I know that you are not out wasting your time going after him, just wondering if he's in hiding and/or what your wife's take on him is.
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3066918
And if you knew him? Because that would be different too...The way I look at it is ....she is the one who cheated on you...BUT if you knew him, and he knew you...different story
The guy's in New Jersey. She met him when she was in Florida and had their little fling. Since then it's been just calls and texts/pics. I called him the day after I found out... no surprise that he didn't call me back, (I did leave him a voicemail
)
http:///forum/post/3066915
So where's the piece of crap that participated in all this? Is he in hiding from you? I can tell that you are not a vindictive person, so I know that you are not out wasting your time going after him, just wondering if he's in hiding and/or what your wife's take on him is.
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3066918
And if you knew him? Because that would be different too...The way I look at it is ....she is the one who cheated on you...BUT if you knew him, and he knew you...different story
The guy's in New Jersey. She met him when she was in Florida and had their little fling. Since then it's been just calls and texts/pics. I called him the day after I found out... no surprise that he didn't call me back, (I did leave him a voicemail
crimzy
Active Member
Originally Posted by EL GUAPO
http:///forum/post/3066912
We all know lawyers a dirtbags that are only looking for money
Sorry crimzy you know I can't pass up a chance to rag on lawyers .
Sad but true... especially divorce lawyers. Divorce lawyers must have the following: (1) no conscience, and (2) a desire to make lots of money. Truly the worst of the worst.
http:///forum/post/3066912
We all know lawyers a dirtbags that are only looking for money
Sad but true... especially divorce lawyers. Divorce lawyers must have the following: (1) no conscience, and (2) a desire to make lots of money. Truly the worst of the worst.
el guapo
Active Member
I was lucky my ex's lawyer was a moron and was lucky to find his arse with the one thumb he had shoved up it . He thought he could threaten all these things . He called me to make a deal and how things would work in court
. I told him politely to stick it that I knew how things would really work in court and that we could see just who was right .
renogaw
Active Member
Originally Posted by Nw2Salt08
http:///forum/post/3066394
Some of us work hard...cook, clean, take care of the kids, mow the lawn, work on the car, garden ,run errands and take care of the tanks! Then turn around and bring dinner to the husband and a beer.
dying breed though...almost extinct...
http:///forum/post/3066394
Some of us work hard...cook, clean, take care of the kids, mow the lawn, work on the car, garden ,run errands and take care of the tanks! Then turn around and bring dinner to the husband and a beer.
dying breed though...almost extinct...
nw2salt08
Active Member
Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/3067129
dying breed though...almost extinct...
Yes, I know we are. But we're out there. It's not all the older generation either. These are the values that I was brought up on between my dad and my mom. Besides, I love to work hard.
Things have become so jaded and stereoptypical that, because of most women, we're all classified as crazy, lazy and unfaithful.
It's not about partying, dating other people and being unfaithful. It's about being with the person you married and taking care of them. Taking care of your family and nurturing that. Making things work even when your partner isn't there to help. If you want to have fun....have fun with your spouse and/or kids.
Crimz
Sounds like you're going to stick to your plan and do what's best for you and your kids. Keep doing what you feel is the best plan. No matter how things go always know that you work hard, know who you are and you love your kids. That's important.
Which I know you already know this but sometimes it's good to hear.
http:///forum/post/3067129
dying breed though...almost extinct...
Yes, I know we are. But we're out there. It's not all the older generation either. These are the values that I was brought up on between my dad and my mom. Besides, I love to work hard.
Things have become so jaded and stereoptypical that, because of most women, we're all classified as crazy, lazy and unfaithful.
It's not about partying, dating other people and being unfaithful. It's about being with the person you married and taking care of them. Taking care of your family and nurturing that. Making things work even when your partner isn't there to help. If you want to have fun....have fun with your spouse and/or kids.
Crimz
Sounds like you're going to stick to your plan and do what's best for you and your kids. Keep doing what you feel is the best plan. No matter how things go always know that you work hard, know who you are and you love your kids. That's important.