I don't think your wife realizes how lucky she is to be able to stay home with the kids. I stayed home with my first but 10 years later when I had the second I HAD to work and realized immediately how lucky I had been. I think when your kids are little you picture them always being that small and demanding and get a bit overwhelmed.
I have noticed some mothers are so into playing with their kids and entertaining them that they neglect their homes. This doesn't send a good message to the kids. First, life is not going to "entertain" them, they must learn to do that for themselves and second, they don't learn to respect their home and take care of it accordingly. I had friends who were like this and now that our kids are adults and moving out on their own, they are absolute pigs! One of my friends daughters has had countless violations for her dorm room being deemed unlivable!
I have only heard you speak highly of your wife so it's not like you are a chronic whiner. I can also hear the frustration and think it's well placed. Perhaps, instead of argueing, you can start by saying what you said here, she is am awesome person and a great mom and then ease into trying to find a solution that is agreeable to both parties. I have found that if you start with complimenting the positive, the negative stings less. Any woman would likely argue, even knowing that they are lacking, because it is an attack on womanhood to insinuate that she is inadequate. I think tact without negativity will get you at least to a place for negotiation.
