swlover
Member
Thank you-I try. I got some jokes for you pretty funny stuff. Enjoy.
All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse
1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
Top Ten Reasons Why I Like My Horse
(Much better than my ex-husband)
1. A horse will never ask to borrow money.
2. Horses are physically incapable of grabbing the remote control and keeping it.
3. A horse will never tell you that you cooked his dinner wrong.
4. A horse will never tell you that he's got another girl.
5. A horse will never call you up (drunk) at 2:30 am and ask for a ride home.
6. Very few bill collectors will call and ask for your horse.
7. When a horse hangs out with his buddies, they usually stay out of jail.
8. A horse is not aware of football, baseball, basketball, or golf seasons.
9. A horse knows no four-letter words.
10. Horses do not have to be forced to trim the lawn.
The thunder god went for a ride on his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse answered, "You forgot the thaddle, thilly."
I went riding today.
Horseback?
Sure. It came back before I did.
A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge black frying pan. Boing!
Man: "What was that for?!"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pant's pocket with the name Marylou written on it?!"
Man: "Oh honey. Don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife seemed satisfied and headed on to do some work around the house, feeling a bit sheepish.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Boing!!
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called!"
There was a young peasant named Gorse
Who fell madly in love with his horse
Said his wife, "You Rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion-
This constitutes ground for divorce."
All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse
1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
Top Ten Reasons Why I Like My Horse
(Much better than my ex-husband)
1. A horse will never ask to borrow money.
2. Horses are physically incapable of grabbing the remote control and keeping it.
3. A horse will never tell you that you cooked his dinner wrong.
4. A horse will never tell you that he's got another girl.
5. A horse will never call you up (drunk) at 2:30 am and ask for a ride home.
6. Very few bill collectors will call and ask for your horse.
7. When a horse hangs out with his buddies, they usually stay out of jail.
8. A horse is not aware of football, baseball, basketball, or golf seasons.
9. A horse knows no four-letter words.
10. Horses do not have to be forced to trim the lawn.
The thunder god went for a ride on his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse answered, "You forgot the thaddle, thilly."
I went riding today.
Horseback?
Sure. It came back before I did.
A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge black frying pan. Boing!
Man: "What was that for?!"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pant's pocket with the name Marylou written on it?!"
Man: "Oh honey. Don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
The wife seemed satisfied and headed on to do some work around the house, feeling a bit sheepish.
Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Boing!!
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called!"
There was a young peasant named Gorse
Who fell madly in love with his horse
Said his wife, "You Rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion-
This constitutes ground for divorce."