baby help

[renogaw]

Okiday...
Daughter just turned 4 months (13.5lbs, 24 inches

)
she's been turning onto her stomach for weeks now while sleeping. This would usually tick her off but she'd go to sleep right away, and was sleeping through the night.
this past week though, even with naps, she'll tick herself off and won't go to sleep, and when she does sleep, she'll wake up and start bawling.
the pediatrician said it's time for tough love, don't pick her up, don't put your hand on her to soothe her, don't give her binky (this helps her sleep quite a bit), don't do anything that she cannot replicate herself, because this might be developmental (they are supposed to hate being on their belly so much they start crawling??).
there's quite a few parents here, is this something you've had to go through?

 

[cowfishrule]

i dont think we ever had that problem.
she should around this age ( +/- 2 months) start putting herself back to sleep.
i say do it.. give it some tough love. it'll suck going through it, but make your lives easier in the end.

 

[spanko]

Hard to hear the baby cry, but do it. You will be glad you did.

 

[spiderwoman]

I'm not a fan of tough love. What you might want to try is a support that keeps her in place so that she can't roll on her tummy when she is sleeping. At that age a baby shouldn't feel left abandoned when she is crying. Sure if you leave her crying for extended periods of time eventually she'll stop crying because she is exhausted. In time she'll stop crying because she is not getting a response and that's completely different from what you want her to feel. She needs to know that you are there when she needs you. Give her a binky if that gives her the feel of security, don't deprive her from it.
Some pedi's are like that, they are advocates of tough love and they can tell you to get a book that says something like *the happies baby in the block*. That is complete BS, it teaches parents to be lazy and let their baby cry all night long. They tell you to check on them every 15 minutes or so. IMO 15 minutes is too long of a time to let a baby cry. There is a reason why they are crying at that age. When they are older, it's a different deal all together.
Then again, what ever works for you, you need to do that. I just can't imagine the tough love approach when my girls were babies. I was alone most of that time when hubby was on the road. Then again we didn't have sleep problems, they both started sleeping full nights at 4 months. I guess they had figured out that I can only do so much hehehe.

 

[renogaw]

we're comforting after about 2 mins, but i'm noticing her trying to flip over back onto her back, so maybe we're preventing her from flipping over again?
she's also getting her knees under her butt, but her arms arent able to support her torso yet, so i know she's not ready for crawling, but she's practicing which is good i guess.
oh well... we'll see what happens.

 

[sepulatian]

You can tell the difference between an upset cry and a cry that is for quick attention at this age. If she is upset then help her out, but if it is just a fussy cry then give her a few minutes to see if she can figure it out herself.

 

[bdhutier]

We have found, after our own un-scientific 7-child study (and observations of friends with various parenting styles), that children who are left to "cry it out" are far more likely to become insecure and dependent as they grow older. Our first few were cry it outs (we didn't know any better), and they are far less independent and confident than those who didn't. It's kind of a pain to hold them all the time for the first year, but it pays off in the long run. We also now co-sleep until around 8mos-1yr, and that seems to have made the biggest difference.
I really don't believe the cry it out method is good for babies. Think of it this way:
Babies are, for safety, programmed to cry pretty much any time they are not held. This is their sole defense mechanism. If you are thrown into an environment where all your defense mechinisms are removed, and you feel you are in a constant state of imminent danger (real or percieved). You may eventually cope, but that does not mean you are just fine. Sounds kind of like our returning vets, and PTSD, huh?
Just some food for thought....

 

[armywife1314]

with my first child i br3ast fed for his first year and it was just a lot easier to co-sleep while doing this, he also had a pacifier until his first birthday. he is so independent, he's 2 and very well mannered, i gave him stools throughout the house and he does almost everything by himself except make his food, but he gets it out and asks me for what he wants. once his first birthday came around i completely just cold turkey cut out the br3ast feeding and pacifier and he was fine, the first night i put him in his own bed by himself he was fine and slept through the night. i couldnt handle just letting him cry it out. this next one will be handled the same.
if co-sleeping isnt an option for you or your wife then maybe try a noise machine that does white noise or heartbeats from inside the womb, ive had friends that tried it and worked well.
on a side-note i agree with bd and the un-scientific study, i was "babied" and im very independent and i always have been since i can remember anyway. my middle brother had the cry it out try and he is a whiner that is so dependent on my mom. my youngest brother got the "babied" and he's been independent thus far.
it really depends on you and your wife's personal feelings toward it and what your willing to do and not do.

 

[spiderwoman]

Hi 5 ladies! I'm glad to see I'm not the only who can't take a crying baby or in my case crying twins. Mine are now 29 months and very independent. That's something that our day care constantly tells me... girls can comfortably play apart in different play stations as well as play with each other. They don't need each other to stand side by side all the time. A lot of identical twins are like that, so we have gotten lucky so far that they can be individuals instead of just always *the twins*.

 

[jennythebugg]

i'm gonna have to go against the grain here ...i did not baby my first two(i heard it was wrong from their pedi ) - who are very independant my third whom i knew was my last i babied and jumped and ran when he cried and he is alot clingier than the first 2 were at this age

 

[sepulatian]

Originally Posted by jennythebugg
http:///forum/post/2658791
i'm gonna have to go against the grain here ...i did not baby my first two(i heard it was wrong from their pedi ) - who are very independant my third whom i knew was my last i babied and jumped and ran when he cried and he is alot clingier than the first 2 were at this age

Oh, I didn't jump every time my son made a noise. This was about the age (four months) when I noticed the ability to play me in his little eyes. I heard him crying, it sounded odd (not a normal cry). I snuck up to the crib. He was crying then smiling, back and forth. I watched him until it became a full cry, then I went to him. They learn mighty darn quick if they can make you jump at their command. I didn't jump when my son said so. I would always wait for just a little bit before going to him (after four months of age or so), unless something was actually wrong. He is almost 13 now, but he was never a clingy child. He has always been independent.

 

[crimzy]

I can't stand the "let her cry" theory of parenting. We have never ignored either of our daughters when they cry. IMO, a baby is crying because it is hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable, scared... in short, they cry when they need something. What does it teach your baby to allow her to cry until she hyper ventilates and just wears herself out? What if your baby actually needs something and you choose that you should simply ignore her? No offense to anyone here but I know some very lazy parents who use "tough love" because they don't want to be bothered.
I wouldn't be overly concerned about your baby turning over on her stomach. My youngest would not stay on her back from the moment she could roll over. Some are just more comfortable like that. We occasionally get up at night just to give our kids binkies. It's really not that big of a deal and helps them sleep. I don't see the harm in it.

 

[renogaw]

last night was better, but saturday night was horrid. she woke up every 2 hours and wouldn't go back to sleep.
yesterday, she slept almost all morning--she woke up for food around 6, went back to sleep till almost 10 for food, slept till about 2 and we were doing tons of work around the house, even vacuuming, while she slept.
getting her to go to sleep last night was tough, but once she was asleep she slept till about 1 when i popped a binky in her mouth, then this morning at 4 she wanted food (her last feeding was too early IMO, about 645 hense the early morning).
as for the tough love, we're going up to her room and checking her when she's crying to see if she's frustrated from trying to flip back onto her back (she's been trying this) so we don't want to interrupt her learning to do so. we're giving her a couple mins (as long as she isnt banging her head on the crib, etc) then helping her/comforting her. those couple mins seem like an eternity though.

 

[m0nk]

I never liked letting my son sleep on his belly out of fear more than anything... not sure if you've heard the whole connection SIDS, but it really scared the bejeesus outta me. I got a pad for my son that supposedly helped him stay on his back all night. Maybe that'll help?

 

[renogaw]

supposedly its only a risk of SIDS if you put them on their belly before they can flip onto it themselves. they have enough neck strength to move their heads to the side so they don't smother themselves.
we have though put her in her car seat to prevent her from moving all over the place and that has helped her sleep, but yet again, if this is a developmental stage, limiting her movement is only going to hurt her in the long run.

 

[spiderwoman]

I suggested the wedge too. That helps keeping the baby from flipping from side to side. The thing about SIDS is that even a child short of 1 year can still die of it, so it's not just for newborns. The thing about sleeping on their tummy used to be the recommended way, now it's sleeping on their backs. No conclusive studies have identified the position of the sleeping baby as the cause for SIDS. It's a combination of things.
It's harder for a baby to flip from tummy to back on a mattress than it is on the floor. I'd dedicate the awake time for practising that and make her stay on her tummy on the floor most of her play time.

 

[spiderwoman]

Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/2659167
if this is a developmental stage, limiting her movement is only going to hurt her in the long run.
You are not going to hurt her in the long run when you limit her in her crib from flipping to her tummy. Her awake time is for moving and practising that, sleep time is for resting.

 

[renogaw]

that's the worst thing about SIDS--no one truly knows WHY it happens, just can give statistics afterwords...
its not like anyone is going to willingly use their kids as guinea pigs for research...

 

[m0nk]

Originally Posted by renogaw
http:///forum/post/2659167
supposedly its only a risk of SIDS if you put them on their belly before they can flip onto it themselves. they have enough neck strength to move their heads to the side so they don't smother themselves.
we have though put her in her car seat to prevent her from moving all over the place and that has helped her sleep, but yet again, if this is a developmental stage, limiting her movement is only going to hurt her in the long run.
Gotcha, I never knew that.

Best of luck, hope you can get it figured out.

 

[tizzo]

Well, there's 2 topics here... ONe tending to your kids when they are crying. Which, Ren, I'm surprised your ped said to do this this early. Just because of the feeding schedule, you cannot be consistent.

I waited til the 6-8 month mark to do that. And they only cried for a little while (less than an hour) one single night. I believe they truly do have to learn to put their selves to sleep.
But a baby crying is not always a bad thing. Even if you make their environment loving and perfect, they are gonna do it. Sometimes I wonder if it's an exercise for them. It takes quite a bit of muscle to cry like they do.