divorce

[deejeff0442]

Ok there are a few people that know me for years. But i invite all advice. Some know me and the wife have been having issues.my main issue is she takes care of the animals and seems to care less about me.trying to make a long story short. I dont get fed or taken care up if you know what i mean barely at all. I can feed myself dont get me wrong but the other part isnt what i signed up for. I keep seeing the animals 6 dogs.4 horses.2 pigs.ducks.geese .chickens and more keep getting fatter and just being pampered yet i am the 3rd in line .the last nail in the coffin was saturday. I went in the house 2 dogs for some reason and it isnt the 1st time were next to her barking at me growling and showing their teeth. I went to kick one and she yelled at me.taking the animals side.really ? I am not going to be shown teeth in my own house. I am just 2nd to useless animals. Now i called a few friends and i can stay at their homes .what whould you do? I have talked to her a few times about this

 

[snakeblitz33]

Your obviously still not happy. Might just be time to move on.

Remember, she basically gets half of everything.

Put together a course of action. Keep a journal of her shenanigans, and start saving for a long divorce proceeding.

Good luck!

 

[flower]

Ok there are a few people that know me for years. But i invite all advice. Some know me and the wife have been having issues.my main issue is she takes care of the animals and seems to care less about me.trying to make a long story short. I dont get fed or taken care up if you know what i mean barely at all. I can feed myself dont get me wrong but the other part isnt what i signed up for. I keep seeing the animals 6 dogs.4 horses.2 pigs.ducks.geese .chickens and more keep getting fatter and just being pampered yet i am the 3rd in line .the last nail in the coffin was saturday. I went in the house 2 dogs for some reason and it isnt the 1st time were next to her barking at me growling and showing their teeth. I went to kick one and she yelled at me.taking the animals side.really ? I am not going to be shown teeth in my own house. I am just 2nd to useless animals. Now i called a few friends and i can stay at their homes .what whould you do? I have talked to her a few times about this

Hi Jeff,

Kick the dog, no way. Sorry my friend, animal abuse is never acceptable. That being said, a large dog that will turn on you has no business in your home. Rehome it, or have it put down as a dangerous animal, that's a serious issue that you must take care of ASAP...one the other hand..... Little yap, yap dogs do get nippy and growly at anyone besides their beloved master, and they are often one woman dogs... but you can't kick it, a bite from such a dog is near harmless to you, but deadly to it if you, being the giant man that you are compared to it, were to kick it. A tiny dog does not deserve to die because it growled and showed it's tiny teeth. My aunt had such a dog, I wished it dead many times. It was an awful little creature....LOL...So I completely understand why you would want to kick it. If you have little yap, yap dogs, your wife was in the right...if you have big dogs, your wife is right, don't kick it, but if even if you have to wait until she leaves the house...get rid of them, they are dangerous to keep. Tell her they ran off or something.

The argument about the "other thing" well that's a personal problem between the two of you.

 

[Kristin1234]

If your not happy, you should leave.

Plain and simple.

I have 7 dogs, fish, and Most time consuming 2 kids. I apply my time to where the animals get the smallest amount of time. I cook, I clean, do my wifely duties.

But above and beyond all, leave if you are not hAppy and don't see change coming.

Good luck.

 

[beth]

Not happy for a long time. Try a separation. That might turn things around, but, if it doesn't, you will have the time to adjust to life apart without severing completely from the get-go. Wife seems to be an animal hoarder. That won't get better until she acknowledges it and gets help (not easy to do for this type of issue, however, a separate may just be the kick she needs).

 

[pegasus]

My wife has two dogs that adore her. They cuddle with her on the couch, and she gives them hugs and kisses all the time. Sometimes I'm a bit jealous, but she also makes time for me, so I'm okay with that. At the same time, she knows full well that if either of the dogs growled at me... or her... it's life would end immediately. Your issue has been going on a long time, Jeff. It doesn't appear to be getting any better. The general consensus is that if you're not happy, something has to give. You're miserable, and no one should have to live like that. I agree with Beth... try a separation. If you're not there, she'll have time to think about the situation. If she is willing to make some changes and wants to get back together, that'll be a step in the right direction. I know you don't want to give up, but sooner or later you have to realize the situation for what it is. She isn't affectionate towards you any more, but is freely giving affection to her pets. It sounds to me like it's been over for quite awhile. Give her some free time to think about what she wants. As the old saying goes, “If you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”

 

[darthtang aw]

Hi Jeff,

Kick the dog, no way. Sorry my friend, animal abuse is never acceptable. That being said, a large dog that will turn on you has no business in your home. Rehome it, or have it put down as a dangerous animal, that's a serious issue that you must take care of ASAP...one the other hand..... Little yap, yap dogs do get nippy and growly at anyone besides their beloved master, and they are often one woman dogs... but you can't kick it, a bite from such a dog is near harmless to you, but deadly to it if you, being the giant man that you are compared to it, were to kick it. A tiny dog does not deserve to die because it growled and showed it's tiny teeth. My aunt had such a dog, I wished it dead many times. It was an awful little creature....LOL...So I completely understand why you would want to kick it. If you have little yap, yap dogs, your wife was in the right...if you have big dogs, your wife is right, don't kick it, but if even if you have to wait until she leaves the house...get rid of them, they are dangerous to keep. Tell her they ran off or something.

The argument about the "other thing" well that's a personal problem between the two of you.

Being in the pet care industry there is so much wrong with this statement i don't have enough time in the day to explain. To each their own.

On to your issue jeff. Go with the separation. Do it for a month. But treat it as a divorce. She has to see your value to understand loss. Separations rarely avoid di rose because one of the partners is still willing to be treated as a doormat. You have to be separated and not help. Period. Maybe bills since those are joint anyway. But animal care all on her. Grocery and food on her. Etc.

 

[deejeff0442]

Thanks everyone. By the way i didnt kick the dog i was 3 feet away and threw a kick.he is a pitt bull and the other is a great dane.both were doing it. As alot of you are saying. She has no idea how much i do for her animals. This place will fall.apart with out me here.maybe thats what needs to be done.

 

[beth]

Being in the pet care industry there is so much wrong with this statement i don't have enough time in the day to explain. To each their own.

I'm curious why you think so.

 

[darthtang aw]

I'm curious why you think so.

Let's start with i have seen a dachshund sever an Achilles tendon and maul the face when the individual fell over. Swift kick would have stopped it.

 

[2quills]

Sounds like you should separate. Apparently the dogs agree. Must be bad if your Dane growls at you.

On a side note, we fostered a chihuahua for a short time. When ever the dog sat with my wife (which was always) anytime I got up off the couch or walked near my wife it would snarl and growl at me. Plenty of times I would have loved to punt that dog like it was a Mexican football. Mean little thing she was.

 

[flower]

Thanks everyone. By the way i didnt kick the dog i was 3 feet away and threw a kick.he is a pitt bull and the other is a great dane.both were doing it. As alot of you are saying. She has no idea how much i do for her animals. This place will fall.apart with out me here.maybe thats what needs to be done.

Bitt bull and a Great Dane! No way I would keep those dogs not one day more. When a dog has a buddy, they form a pack, and you sir are not loved, nor respected as the pack leader. Separating... That's the best advice I've heard so far.

2quills, we all have known little yap, yap dogs that do that. It's still not right to kick the little demons.

 

[snakeblitz33]

I had a female long hair chihuahua that would have eaten anyone that wasn't her momma alive if it weren't for me spanking her and asserting myself as "pack leader." All dogs, regardless of size, need to be obedient.

I still vote for a separation tonsee where it leads to.

 

[ironeagle2006]

My late Grandfather had a Pair of Lhasa Alasops You know the ones that look like they are dust mops with feet. Well they did not like anyone but him and Grandma. Well Grandma one time when she was terminal with cancer collapsed and we had to call an ambulance the Dogs would not let the Ambulance crew Enter the house they went after Grandpa even. Needless to say OH HOW I got great joy of hearing him say Ed Drop Kick both of them out into the Yard. THOSE WHERE HIS EXACT WORDS. Purdy the female went 10 Yards howling the entire way and Petey the Male went about 5 he weighed in at 40 Lbs, After that those 2 dogs respected me.

 

[flower]

My late Grandfather had a Pair of Lhasa Alasops You know the ones that look like they are dust mops with feet. Well they did not like anyone but him and Grandma. Well Grandma one time when she was terminal with cancer collapsed and we had to call an ambulance the Dogs would not let the Ambulance crew Enter the house they went after Grandpa even. Needless to say OH HOW I got great joy of hearing him say Ed Drop Kick both of them out into the Yard. THOSE WHERE HIS EXACT WORDS. Purdy the female went 10 Yards howling the entire way and Petey the Male went about 5 he weighed in at 40 Lbs, After that those 2 dogs respected me.

My dear,

I too would have a hard time in an emergency, my he dog already bit a paramedic (my sister called the ambulance, Mother forgot to lock the dog up, I was napping in another room...perfect storm) Your line of thought is the same as folks with the mentality as some people have about beating their kids. If it works, it must be the right thing to do. We all know there are other ways to discipline children.

My he dog did bite a paramedic once, fortunately she had a jacket on, and he didn't break the skin. The thing is...the moment I shouted "NO Atticus", he dropped to a submissive stance, he stopped because he is well trained. The cops could have shot him, we could have kicked him, there were lots of things that could have been done that would have worked. I assure you, my he dog respects me. As for the other members of the house ... should I be the one in need of help, they have to send him into another room and close the door, because I am the master, not them. I am not so sure he would obey them.

Abuse is not a good thing, not for children, not for animals. Don't kick the dog unless your very life is in danger and you are being attacked. A 40lb dog, is not a little Chihuahua, and kicking them at that moment (because somebody failed to train their dog) was your only option to save Grandma. However, that is not a proper solution to future problems.

A tiny little dog can't really hurt you, (don't let it bite the back of your ankles) those bites are not life threatening...toss a towel over the little idiot and hold onto it, leave it's little head poking out...no need to kick a tiny dog...tempting, but not the right thing to do. Snakeblitz is right, be the pack leader and train your dog.

 

[ironeagle2006]

Here was the Situation back in 1991 Flower Grandma was in the Back Bedroom of my Grandparents Mobile Home they owned. The 2 Dogs where Blocking the Hallway they had already Bit my Grandfather my Aunt then My Mother and then Both Paramedics. My Grandfather a WW2 Vet that had survived the Pacific Theater of Ops including Okinawa and Leyte Gulf Battles was DONE Dealing with them. He was in the back Bedroom trying to keep his Wife alive while his DOGS where keeping the people needed out of the room to Save her. He loved those 2 dogs to the point he later built a Ramp for them I liked the dogs also but MY Grandmother came First that day. It was the Dogs or her. Sorry Flower but the MUTTS lost that day. After that day they knew that if there was a lot of people Running into the house it was Get into their Beds and Stay there. I hated doing to them but I might have gotten some pleasure out of it however it was just for a second. We had bigger issues that day than how I felt the pleasure was more of getting my Grandmother out of there so she could get the Medical Attention SHE NEEDED.

 

[darthtang aw]

My dear,

I too would have a hard time in an emergency, my he dog already bit a paramedic (my sister called the ambulance, Mother forgot to lock the dog up, I was napping in another room...perfect storm) Your line of thought is the same as folks with the mentality as some people have about beating their kids. If it works, it must be the right thing to do. We all know there are other ways to discipline children.

My he dog did bite a paramedic once, fortunately she had a jacket on, and he didn't break the skin. The thing is...the moment I shouted "NO Atticus", he dropped to a submissive stance, he stopped because he is well trained. The cops could have shot him, we could have kicked him, there were lots of things that could have been done that would have worked. I assure you, my he dog respects me. As for the other members of the house ... should I be the one in need of help, they have to send him into another room and close the door, because I am the master, not them. I am not so sure he would obey them.

Abuse is not a good thing, not for children, not for animals. Don't kick the dog unless your very life is in danger and you are being attacked. A 40lb dog, is not a little Chihuahua, and kicking them at that moment (because somebody failed to train their dog) was your only option to save Grandma. However, that is not a proper solution to future problems.

A tiny little dog can't really hurt you, (don't let it bite the back of your ankles) those bites are not life threatening...toss a towel over the little idiot and hold onto it, leave it's little head poking out...no need to kick a tiny dog...tempting, but not the right thing to do. Snakeblitz is right, be the pack leader and train your dog.

Lol this is the most hilarious statement I have read this morning. So many contradictory statements and hypocritical comments.

 

[pegasus]

The dogs (plural) growled at him... in his own home. This is completely unacceptable. Momma's defensive little lap dog? Understandable. They're kind of weird that way. Pit Bull Terrier and Great Dane? Not acceptable... not at all. The only dog I've ever owned that showed aggression towards me didn't live to tell it's friends about it. It's the one cardinal rule that cannot be broken in my home. I will not tolerate any aggression towards me or my family. Period. My wife is well aware of this rule, and knows the consequences of such an action. If your dog growls at you and you do not react to re-establish the pecking order, you are no longer in control.

Funny how a miserable relationship winds up being a debate over whether or not it's acceptable to kick growling dogs...

 

[darthtang aw]

society and what they value is increasingly changing. Pets, wants needs and desires are increasingly being taken into account over other humans.

Think I am lying? On the employment question are for my business I ask five questions. The last question is this:

You are on a boat with a stranger and your dog. Neither can swim. They both can't swim and fall in. Who do you save and why?

You would be surprised at the answer. Gives a little insight on what is valued in 1st world society.

I had my wife answer this question. To this date she has still given the best answer and explanation.

Neither. I can't swim either.

 

[2quills]

2quills, we all have known little yap, yap dogs that do that. It's still not right to kick the little demons.

I agree and is why the little demon got re-homed.

We took it in temporarily for a girl who my wife worked with that lost her job and had to move rather abruptly.

I think the dog had some serious mental issues. And the girls boy friend was the abusive type. They kept it locked in its kennel in a bathroom the majority of the time.

If my wife wasn't home the dog was typically cool. I could pet it and it would lay by me. If my wife was home it was a whole other story. Like Doctor Jekyll and Mr hyde.

I could deal with the growling and snarling because if I tried to assert my "dominance" of the house hold the dog would react as though it was abused. So I left it alone. The day she turned and snipped at my wife was the day it got re-homed (humanely).

Our other dogs interestingly enough are a Dane (mix) and pit bull terrier (mix) both are rescues and can't get enough of our effection and time. Have never growled at either of us. Strangers are another story.

Moral of the story I think is if it ain't working for you then maybe it's time to try something different.