i cant move on.

[alix2.0]

im trying but i just cant. as some of you know, in january a close friend of mine killed herself. since the moment i found out i have been so deeply miserable. im moody and unpleasant and i cry all the time and yell at everyone. im honestly trying but the pain is just as strong and fresh as the day i found out. im crying right now. everyone else involved is dealing with it and moving on, but i cant. i havent really been able to talk to anyone about it. its starting to take a bite out of my life. i feel like i should have moved on and gotten over it by now.
what do i do?

 

[tank a holic]

been there done that girl....
when I was in the service a good good friend of mine was killed in iraq
it took me a long time to move on
I held my feelings inside and never talked about it, finally i went to my mom, cried like a baby and started feeling better almost instantly
if i wouldn't have opened up i'd still be miserable about it, my mom never said a word... she just let me do what i needed to do which was vent
take my word for it, the longer you hold it in the worse it gets
i truly hope this helps you

 

[t316]

Okay, I just told myself that I was done posting on "alix" threads for today, what is this 20 threads in two days. But this is serious, so I'll chime in.
I have mentioned this on the boards before, but years back, a fellow Police Officer, who happened to be my best friend, decided to use his service revolver to take his own life, without any warning to me. As a matter of fact, he came by to see me out of the blue just the day before. Turns out his ex wouldn't let him see the kids anymore, and I suppose he thought he couldn't confide in his married friends (me).
I went thru months of depression. There is the disbelief, then the anger at their selfishness and stupidity, but eventually there is acceptance that it's done and over with. Forget about what I would have said, or how I would have helped, or only if I had known....it's done, they did it, and it's over. I still wish I could ask why, but it's done.
Whether you were the closest friend to this person or not, doesn't matter. Sometimes this just hits people, like it did with me, like a punch in the gut that just won't go away. You can't seem to shake it or get it off your mind. But as life goes on, and you meet new people, peace with the situation follows. You don't ever forget, but the feelings you have now subside.
Now take all this and add in the fact that you are a teenager. This compounds your feelings and emotions, and confuses you even more. So if you can't shake it, or start having stupid thoughts yourself, talk to your parents and/or a school counselor. Just remember how this other person crapped on all of you left behind, and vow not to ever do that to someone else. In fact, if you need an outlet, become an advocate on how to help others not do this to someone else.
T3

 

[goober_hunter]

i also lost a friend that same month to suicide. it was hard for me to move on. i have moved on. i sometimes find myself thinking about him. but he was a good man.
he shot himself in the head with a shotgun. i found my self with questions that no one could answer for me. it was hard to move on. so i went to his house, which no one has been to since that day and went to were he shot himself. At THAT moment i felt a sence of closure. i felt like a big weight was lifted off. i dont know why, it was creepy. but reality set in. i have moved on. i remember the good and iam glad to have know him.
i cant help you, i cant explain how i moved on. but i know how it feels. time heals all wounds.
iam sorry for your loss,

 

[sepulatian]

I am so sorry that you are going through this Alix. If you cannot find anyone close to you to talk to, then PM someone here. Find a friend that does not "know" you and get it all out. You need to.

 

[jennythebugg]

it's been over a year and there are still times and days when it feels like my tobin just died. I started taking grief counseling and he told me that we all deal with our grief differently and that grief has no set time limit, you can't expect to make the loss of years of friendship and happy memories with a special person disappear in such a short time. and no one around you should expect you not to hurt in your own way.the days when you are sad and cry alot are the ''good days'' those are the days when you are working through your grief not just bottling it up and pretending its not there. God knows I would move heaven and hell to get my tobin back, but its just not going to happen . so i wake up go through my day remembering all the while - ''we used to go here together'' ''we used to do that together'' ''he used to love it when i did that'' i still cry myself to sleep, but pretty soon the raw pain you feel will fade into momentary flashes .
the loss of her friendship is worth your tears and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

 

[ironeagle2006]

Alix I hear you been there myself more times than I care to count ok. If you want PM me and I can give you some ideas on how I have gotten thru the roughest parts myself.

 

[alix2.0]

thank you everyone... i really feel terrible. i just want it to stop, i want to forget her. someone (a close family friend) even told me that i was being stupid for being so miserable, he told me that when his dad died he was over it in three days, and a dad is much more important than a friend. i feel like its been forever, but it just happened. i feel so hopeless. i just want to get back to normal.

 

[darthtang aw]

Originally Posted by alix2.0
http:///forum/post/2975468
thank you everyone... i really feel terrible. i just want it to stop, i want to forget her. someone (a close family friend) even told me that i was being stupid for being so miserable, he told me that when his dad died he was over it in three days, and a dad is much more important than a friend. i feel like its been forever, but it just happened. i feel so hopeless. i just want to get back to normal.
He is a liar. 3 days to get over his dad's death/////sounds like he hasn't gotten over it to me.
By the way, you are dangerously close to going Emo on us...........think about that. The next step is the retarded hair............

 

[alix2.0]

Originally Posted by Darthtang AW
http:///forum/post/2975493
By the way, you are dangerously close to going Emo on us...........think about that. The next step is the retarded hair............
my friend hung herself in her basement. while her body rotted down there for two days, her two babies starved in the house. the two year old was feeding her baby sister- and jesses body- hot dogs and maple syrup. she is the ONLY reason the children are alive. i think i have a right to be a little upset. not sure about you, but i dont think id call that being "emo". but thanks for the kind words.

 

[darthtang aw]

so much for the weak attempt at cheering up a generation I don't understand.............................
What are you having a hard time with.
Angry at her for leaving the kids behind?
angry she didn't come to you?
Angry she killed herself.
Or sad because you lost someone?
Sad because you felt like you could have helped?
sad because you didn't see it coming?

 

[meowzer]

Have you talked to someone about this...I mean someone professional....IMHO, I think you should. I have found that talking to a "stranger" someone who does not know you and is totally biased can and does help....

 

[alix2.0]

Originally Posted by Darthtang AW
http:///forum/post/2975524
so much for the weak attempt at cheering up a generation I don't understand.............................
What are you having a hard time with.
Angry at her for leaving the kids behind?
angry she didn't come to you?
Angry she killed herself.
Or sad because you lost someone?
Sad because you felt like you could have helped?
sad because you didn't see it coming?
all of the above?
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/2975527
Have you talked to someone about this...I mean someone professional....IMHO, I think you should. I have found that talking to a "stranger" someone who does not know you and is totally biased can and does help....
no, i havent. and i probably wont. i dont want to talk about it. i want to forget it.

 

[t316]

I re-quote Post #3...."You don't ever forget, but the feelings you have now subside."

 

[meowzer]

I agree...I have lost a sibling, grandchild and step-son...I will never forget them....but each and every day goes on....As long as you are keeping your feelings in, the hurt will stay with you longer....I never use to show my feelings (and I won't now) BUT please deal with them, don't try to discard them you are too young

 

[darthtang aw]

Originally Posted by alix2.0
http:///forum/post/2975548
all of the above?
no, i havent. and i probably wont. i dont want to talk about it. i want to forget it.

If you don't talk about it, it will take longer to get over it. The longer you keep it inside buried, the more it growes and becomes harder to deal with. Think of it as a parasite....if you ignore it you feel worse, if you seek out "treatment" you get better.
You don't need to talk with a professional or councilor. You have enough friends here you could do it privately in a PM. I can't think of anyone on here that interacts with you regularly that you could NOT have this discussion with. You just need a sounding board and someone to talk with you about it that isn't directly tied to the situation.
You want to talk about it, otherwise you wouldn't post things like this that open up the topic. I believe you just fear what you will say about it and what will happen once you open up.
Ok, I have said my piece on this. Pm me if you want.

 

[bigarn]

Originally Posted by alix2.0
http:///forum/post/2975548
all of the above?
no, i havent. and i probably wont. i dont want to talk about it. i want to forget it.
You will never forget it ..... But you have to learn to accept what's happened and move on. Talk it out alix ... please talk it out.

 

[alix2.0]

Originally Posted by Darthtang AW
http:///forum/post/2975613
You want to talk about it, otherwise you wouldn't post things like this that open up the topic. I believe you just fear what you will say about it and what will happen once you open up.
i do not want to talk about "it". i want to get over "it". i opened the topic because i am at the end of my rope and am about to freak the hell out, which i would like to avoid if at all possible.
i cant talk to my friends about it. i cant talk to my family about it. its getting in the way of my schoolwork and social/family life, and i want it to be over.
thanks for the help everyone. im sorry im so disagreeable.

 

[tank a holic]

if you cant talk it out, type it out......
We're here for ya girl

I dont know what else we can say
I know you wont share your feelings until you're ready but as i said before and has been repeated several times.... you need to
its the best way to get past this
you'll never forget, you'll never get over it, you'll never not care anymore
you will get PAST it, you will accept it, you will learn to live with it, and you will be ok in the end, it just takes alot of time and alot of tears

ps.... whoever told you that you're stupid is a moron JMO

 

[ironeagle2006]

Alix that is the worst thing to do take it from someone that knows how it feels ok. Sometimes going to a grief support group can do wonders. What your friend did was wrong however her daughter was smart enough to know that both her and the baby needed to eat. Yes they were sticky and nasty smelling when they were found BUT THEY WERE ALIVE. Remember that key fact they survived even though their mom gave up trying her kids refused to do so. Yes loosing someone like that hurts and you think you will not get over it however by refusing to move past it you are not helping her 2 childern at all when they need all the love they can get. This is very close to what happened to me in 2000 right after I came off the road after devolping my Epilepsy I had been in touch with one of my old firneds at the company I last drove for in fact we talked every day. She had not been feeling well since giving birth to her son. I asked if she was ok one day because she had missed work and asked another firned to keep her son that night she said I think so. She did not answer the phone the next morning and so I called her landlord he called an ambulance and then went over there she had an anurysurm i her brain blow that night. If I had insisted that she go to the hospital she might be alive to this day instead I was the last person to talk to her.