Official Chuck Norris Joke Thread!

[oceanists]

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

:hilarious :hilarious

 

[watson3]

Those are great.. ***)

 

[royal gang]

LOL!!! i saw in a movie once that he was watching the new or some show or something and he got mad and gave the TV a little kick and it exploded

 

[rs1831]

One time Chuck Norris fell into a lake. Chuck Norris didn't get wet, the lake got Chuck Norris.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

 

[oceanists]

Originally Posted by rs1831
One time Chuck Norris fell into a lake. Chuck Norris didn't get wet, the lake got Chuck Norris.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

:hilarious

:hilarious

:hilarious

 

[tx reef]

Oh no...not again. I thought we beat this one to death a few months ago. :hilarious
Oh well....it never gets old.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Here is the website..... http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

 

[surfinusa]

another chuck norris joke thread yay

:hilarious

 

[phixer]

Brokeback mountain isn't just the name of a movie, it's also the name of the pile of dead ninjas in Chuck Norris's back yard.
Chuck Norris dosent date men because he's gay, it's because he ran out of women.

 

[royal gang]

http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/s...10819&t=243400 :scared: :scared:

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris was asked to do the sequel of Broke Back Mountain... he simply asked how many ___ scenes...
Chuck Norris refuses to fight in the octogon because there isnt enough corners for him to hide in...
Chuck Norris is an advocate for the "Murse"... he is also on a crusade for bringing back the "fanny pack"...
Chuck Norris' IQ test came back negative...

need i say more???

 

[fishinphilly]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

 

[larryndana]

Originally Posted by TX Reef
Here is the website..... http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
I went to this website, thanks for the laugh....was laughing so hard I was crying. My two favorites.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't liftings himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Slow and prance around like a ___...

 

[watson3]

If there was a smiley for peeing your pants from laughing..Maybe Chuck can make one

 

[watson3]

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

 

[ruaround]

Originally Posted by watson3
If there was a smiley for peeing your pants from laughing..Maybe Chuck can make one
There is one of CN going in his pants... you just cant tell cuz he wears adult diapers...

 

[cowfishrule]

ugh
not this again.
and i'm not helping by posting to this.

 

[watson3]

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep at night... he sits and cries cuz he is very scared of the dark...
Chuck Norris injects steroids and botox into his upper lip, so that it can bear the weight of his mustache...

 

[theappe]

thank you guys, i just peed myself