Official Chuck Norris Joke Thread!

[watson3]

 

[ruaround]

Originally Posted by watson3

forgot to add that was to be read in your best pee wee herman voice...
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Grand Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man drives a Jeep.

 

[agent707]

Chucks beard looks like what my G.I Joes had.

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris still wets the bed...

 

[oceanists]

Originally Posted by ruaround
Chuck Norris still wets the bed...
only because he is marking his spot and chock norris piss will kill anything it touches

 

[joebob7]

Chuch Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding
Chuck visited the Virgin Islands and they are now known as just the Islands

 

[joebob7]

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer too bad he has never cried

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming “I’m too young to die!” the whole way...

 

[ruaround]

A 7-year-old blind boy once found Waldo before Chuck Norris...

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris scored a perfect 10 on a Cosmo - how good are you to your boyfriend - quiz...

 

[watson3]

I do not use eggcrate under the rocks in my tank..Chuck stands to side and dares them to topple....

 

[oceanists]

Originally Posted by watson3
I do not use eggcrate under the rocks in my tank..Chuck stands to side and dares them to topple....

LOL!!!
Livesand is just disintegrated live rock that toppled when Chuck Norris dared it to topple .... this is called evolution,

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris cries and screams "i dont want to" everytime his wife tells him to do a water change... she promptly kicks his butt and he does it... but he still cries through the duration...

 

[ruaround]

Chuck Norris was told by his LFS to wait for his tank to cycle... so he strapped his tank on his bike and rode around the block with it for several hours...

 

[oceanists]

Originally Posted by ruaround
Chuck Norris cries and screams "i dont want to" everytime his wife tells him to do a water change... she promptly kicks his butt and he does it... but he still cries through the duration...

HEY! I do too

 

[ruaround]

Originally Posted by Oceanists
HEY! I do too
lol... i doubt you cry... maybe a little whinning... lol...
Chuck Norris thought he could use Mortons table salt for his salt water aquarium...
Chuck Norris cries so much he uses tears for top offs and water changes...

 

[royal gang]

 

[mrdc]

I really never knew heard about the Chuck Norris jokes until they were posted here. Whats the reasoning about it? Is it due to the films that he makes, personality, television show, things he has done outside film, total gym, ...what?!? Just curious. It also makes me feel like the last quote in Dodgeball was another poke at him.

 

[30-xtra high]

didn't read all jokes, don't get mad at repeats.
chuck norris went to the virgin islands... when he came back they were known as the islands.
magic johnson claimed to have slept with over 200,000 women in his life... chuck norris calls that a slow tuesday.
chuck norris doesn't T-bag women... he potatoe sacks them.
chuck norris causes summer... when he gets cold he turns the sun up.
chuck norris doesn't own a lawnmower... he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
chuck norris once cured a blind man... the first and last thing that man ever saw was chuck norris's round house kick.
chuck norris' tears cure cancer... to bad he never cries.

 

[stonedage]

when superman goes to sleep at night he wears chuck norris pj's
when the boogie man goes to sleep at night he looks under his bed for chuck norris