Official Chuck Norris Joke Thread!

ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Chuck Norris once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie...
Chuck Norris has to be spotted by Christy Brinkley in the Total Gym commercials... he uses the lowest setting...
 
oceanists

oceanists

Active Member
Chuck Norris doesnt use performance enhancing substances, Performance enhancing substances use Chuck Norris
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Chuck Norris once backed out of Celebrity Boxing on 2 occasions, knowing that the matches were agianst Gary Coleman and Emanuel Lewis...
 
fatcats

fatcats

Member
Lee Harvey Oswald didnt kill Kennedy CHuck Noris went back in time stoped the bullet with is stomach and Kennedys head exploded with amazment.
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Chuck Norris has no friends on Myspace... even Tom deleted Chuck...
Chuck Norris got so nervous before his first fight... he puked all over himslef and then coined the term "up chucking"...
 
phixer

phixer

Active Member
Originally Posted by ruaround
Chuck Norris was asked to do the sequel of Broke Back Mountain... he simply asked how many ___ scenes...
Chuck Norris refuses to fight in the octogon because there isnt enough corners for him to hide in...
Chuck Norris is an advocate for the "Murse"... he is also on a crusade for bringing back the "fanny pack"...
Chuck Norris' IQ test came back negative...

need i say more???
Man, Ive been looking for a pair of Chuck Norris action jeans so I can look good when fighting street thugs. The ones I have keep tearing when ever I have to kick the head off anyone taller than 6 FT.
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Originally Posted by Phixer
Man, Ive been looking for a pair of Chuck Norris action jeans so I can look good when fighting street thugs. The ones I have keep tearing when ever I have to kick the head off anyone taller than 6 FT.
unfortunately these only come in one size... Chuck Norris size which is 12" waist and a 16" inseam...
Chuck Norris gets extremely angry when he tries to slam a revolving door and in comes around and knocks him out...
 
schneidts

schneidts

Active Member
Originally Posted by ruaround
Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married...
 
schneidts

schneidts

Active Member
Originally Posted by Phixer
Man, Ive been looking for a pair of Chuck Norris action jeans so I can look good when fighting street thugs. The ones I have keep tearing when ever I have to kick the head off anyone taller than 6 FT.
 
michaeltx

michaeltx

Moderator
A few of the jokes are getting border line of obscene. Lets remember that this site is acessible to kids so keep it clean!!!!!!
Mike
 
oceanists

oceanists

Active Member
Originally Posted by LedZep fan
If you don't succede once, your not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't get frostbite he bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesnt search the web, he stares at the screen untill he gets the information he wanted
Walker Texas Ranger was acctually supposed to be comedy but bombed because you cant look at Chuck Norris without feeling fright. The only person who ever laughed, currently lies headless in his grave from a TV inflicted roundhouse kick wound to the head. THIS IS TRUE. I saw it on Fox.
Chuck Norris doesnt get Rashes, Rashes get Chuck Norris.
Ashton Kutcher tried to punk Chuck Norris..... But Chuck Norris opened his beard and threw a fake punch at him, this is why Ashtons hair always looks the way it does, he is affraid to look in the mirror to see if Chuck Norris did any damage.
Chuck Norris tried to get drunk once, hence the reason for the shortage of oil in the US
 
larryndana

larryndana

Active Member
Chuck Norris can kick anything, even the seeds out of a pickle.
A one legged monkey kicking the seeds out of a pickle, is much more entertaining.
Well it sounded funny at first....oh well.
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tears shed by Chuck Norris...
 
oceanists

oceanists

Active Member

Originally Posted by ruaround
In fine print on the last page of the Farmers' Almanac it notes that annual rainfall figures do not include the tear shed caused by Chuck Norris...

I fixed that for ya... LOL.
 
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