Saltwater & Spouses Don't Mix

casper1875

casper1875

Member
I guess this is for the ladies on the forum. My husband really doesn't like my tank, and now that I'm getting closer to setting up the 180 he's even more unhappy. I needed help hanging up my lights and moving other things and he gets upset. I still need to buy more equipment and set up the ro/di unit. I work full time and my checks go into our account. I use coupons from tlfs and never pay full price. Always looking for bargins.
I don't want to make him mad, but I don't want to setup a cheap tank. I'm not asking for tunze powerheads, or all the high teck stuff. I just wish he could get into it a little more.
I hate the fact that I have to ask permission before I can buy anything. And I always have to justify why I need something. It makes me crazy. I only get my hair cut like twice a year. I'm not out getting my nails done, or buying clothes. I hate to shop for that stuff, but cut me lose in tlfs and I can spend hours there and money.
He does not like to go there at all with me. When he does go he wants to go in and get out. I can stand in front of the huge display tank for an hour and still see new things. When he goes with me I ask him to stand in line so I can look at the tank.
Ladies how do you do it?
Guys any suggestions?
Weve been married for 27 years and raised 2 sons.
 
teresaq

teresaq

Active Member
mine is the same way, Though after 4 yrs he finally picked out something for the tank. oh, he thinks it pretty neat and like to look at the fish now and then, but has no interest in setting up or maintaining. Thats all on me.
T
oh yah, we have been married 21 yrs and have 4kids at home, (14, 12, 9 and 3 1/2)
 
spiderwoman

spiderwoman

Active Member
I have to say that you are in a bad place to say the least. Hobby like this is not easy especially at the setup stage because of all the cost that goes into it and then having a spouse who does not support it... makes it even more difficult. Does he have a hobby that you don't care for and that is not cheap? It's all about compromises... that's all I can say.
In the beginning we were both into this, and he is only really interested in the equipment and none for the livestock and taking care of them. Iin a way we have our tasks divided in a nice way. When anything needs to be installed or taken apart for cleaning, I ask him to do that and he does it without making too much noise.
He just got a new Harley and I was not keen on that idea at all. I finally thought about it and decided to pick my battles elsewhere. He sold his previous bike 7 years ago and now he wanted to get back into it. I'm going to support him in that and ride with him and he'll support me in my SW and scrapbooking hobbies.
Oops, forgot to say that we've been married almost 8 years and have 3 yr old twins.
 
casper1875

casper1875

Member
He does everything with our boys. The oldest will be 25 in August. The youngest just turned 22 in June. They still do alot together. Golf, frisby golf, hunting, fishing, crabbing. Our youngest son races micro sprints. We go to the races every Saturday night during the summer.
I feel like a witch for being upset. I could not have hand picked a better dad for our boys. He an excellent father.
I know the 180 will be awesome when I get it all set up. I just need help with it. I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Thought someone may have been through this and could give some insight.
 
lovethesea

lovethesea

Active Member
hmmm, then start hinting that you found a gorgeous platnium and diamond anniversary ring.

men are strange aren't they??
 
ironeagle2006

ironeagle2006

Active Member
Boy I feel for you. When I met my now wife she saw my tank and was like this is going to be EXPENSIZE. I then told her I do not drink or smoke and I can afford this while on SSDI so it is not that bad. She has then helped me upgrade from a 75 to a 150 now is wanting a 300 when we get our tax return next year. She also has a more expensive taste in fish than I do. She wants a freaking CLARION ANGEL in the 300 after it is set up for a couple years and a Christmas Island Emp Angel in it. I am happy with SFE Korans and Yellow tangs. See what I am dealing with.
 
coral keeper

coral keeper

Active Member
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006
http:///forum/post/3089374
Boy I feel for you. When I met my now wife she saw my tank and was like this is going to be EXPENSIZE. I then told her I do not drink or smoke and I can afford this while on SSDI so it is not that bad. She has then helped me upgrade from a 75 to a 150 now is wanting a 300 when we get our tax return next year. She also has a more expensive taste in fish than I do. She wants a freaking CLARION ANGEL in the 300 after it is set up for a couple years and a Christmas Island Emp Angel in it. I am happy with SFE Korans and Yellow tangs. See what I am dealing with.
You are the most luckiest man on earth!
LOL
 
coral keeper

coral keeper

Active Member
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006
http:///forum/post/3089374
Boy I feel for you. When I met my now wife she saw my tank and was like this is going to be EXPENSIZE. I then told her I do not drink or smoke and I can afford this while on SSDI so it is not that bad. She has then helped me upgrade from a 75 to a 150 now is wanting a 300 when we get our tax return next year. She also has a more expensive taste in fish than I do. She wants a freaking CLARION ANGEL in the 300 after it is set up for a couple years and a Christmas Island Emp Angel in it. I am happy with SFE Korans and Yellow tangs. See what I am dealing with.
Also, I hope your wife is watching this ironeagle2006! You guys need to get a Conspiculatus AngelFish!!
They are ONLY like $3k each or something. :p
 
ironeagle2006

ironeagle2006

Active Member
Originally Posted by Coral Keeper
http:///forum/post/3089379
Also, I hope your wife is watching this ironeagle2006! You guys need to get a Conspiculatus AngelFish!!
They are ONLY like $3k each or something. :p

DO NOT GIVE HER ANY FREAKING IDEAS. I am so glad that the Peppermint Angel has such a LOW SURVIVAL RATE otherwise she would want one. Sad thing is about the time we are ready for the Clarion THE NEXT EXPORT SHIPMENT SHOULD BE APPROVED FROM MEXICO what is it one every 7 years or so.
 
coral keeper

coral keeper

Active Member
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006
http:///forum/post/3089384
DO NOT GIVE HER ANY FREAKING IDEAS. I am so glad that the Peppermint Angel has such a LOW SURVIVAL RATE otherwise she would want one. Sad thing is about the time we are ready for the Clarion THE NEXT EXPORT SHIPMENT SHOULD BE APPROVED FROM MEXICO what is it one every 7 years or so.
LOL Nice!!
 
spinylobster

spinylobster

Member
man thats wierd... Its usually the other way around. If he has hobbies then it shouldnt be a big deal. And I can say that hunting and fishing and diving cost me a whole lot more than my fish tank on a yearly basis.
 
flower

flower

Well-Known Member

Every family is different..How one couple does things won't necessarily help another couple but here goes...
I was married for 33 years. My husband is and was lazy. His time was his time...It sounds like your hubby has the same affliction of not wanting to add to his routine.
Your hobby is making extra work for him, he does not appreciate the fish tank and doesn't want to see any money go into it or HIS time.
He considers that SOME of the household money is yours but....as we all know with saltwater...MONEY PIT..It never ends.
It is not like when you buy a car and a few years’ pays it off, a saltwater fish tank is constant work, and money.
The only solution I could come up with worked for me...I had my spending money on whatever I wanted (fish stuff)...He got equal money for his mad spending..AFTER bills and household things were accounted for.
As for HIS time...I gave my husband extra attention in the area he liked best (use your imagination here, it is a family site) when I wanted something. For that "extra" attention , I made it clear what I wanted in exchange ahead of time...he was glad to do anything I asked of him. LOL..he even would give me some extra money from his stash for the tank at times when I really wanted or needed it.
This also added spice to a very long standing marriage.
 
casper1875

casper1875

Member
He's not lazy by any means. He helps with the house and does almost all of the cooking (he gets home before I do). When the boys get into a new hobby he just joins in. The latest thing is frisby golf. In the 70's you could buy a disk for less than $2.00, these things can cost up to $30.00. I love the fact that he's close to them and wants to be with them.
Example: New sump: around $325.00 and that did not include the pump, that's a lot of frisbys.
My trip to the ER after a midnight runnin with a large bristleworm, and several trips to the orthopedic doctor.

Tore the tendons in my pinky finger and it was in a splint for 6 weeks and then another 6 weeks of wearing it at night.
Spent about 3 hours in ER, doctors thought my husband did it. They never heard of a bristleworm.
 
mantisman51

mantisman51

Active Member
I had the same dynamic with my wife. She still thinks I get a little crazy and tries to stop me from over-spending, but she helps clean the tanks now. Which my painful back is ever-so-grateful for.
 
beth

beth

Administrator
Staff member
It must be bliss to have a spouse who is just as in to the hobby and you are.
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
All the tanks are my hobby, but thank goodness my husband is willing to help me....I need help with the 225g cause I can not reach a lot of the stuff. I can't even get close to the bottom of the tank....He does come in the fish room often and stare at the tanks though. Not as much as me though..LOL
 
cranberry

cranberry

Active Member
I really feel for y'all. I met my husband through the hobby. We both have the same level of passion for it, mods on another forum together (so we understand each other being on these forums all the time), we are phytoplankton reps for Cali together, we both love the same oddball fish, have the same level of money spending tolerance, have complimentary DIY skills and really like working on projects together. It really is an awesome thing.
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Originally Posted by casper1875
http:///forum/post/3089351
I guess this is for the ladies on the forum. My husband really doesn't like my tank, and now that I'm getting closer to setting up the 180 he's even more unhappy. I needed help hanging up my lights and moving other things and he gets upset. I still need to buy more equipment and set up the ro/di unit. I work full time and my checks go into our account. I use coupons from tlfs and never pay full price. Always looking for bargins.
I don't want to make him mad, but I don't want to setup a cheap tank. I'm not asking for tunze powerheads, or all the high teck stuff. I just wish he could get into it a little more.
I hate the fact that I have to ask permission before I can buy anything. And I always have to justify why I need something. It makes me crazy. I only get my hair cut like twice a year. I'm not out getting my nails done, or buying clothes. I hate to shop for that stuff, but cut me lose in tlfs and I can spend hours there and money.
He does not like to go there at all with me. When he does go he wants to go in and get out. I can stand in front of the huge display tank for an hour and still see new things. When he goes with me I ask him to stand in line so I can look at the tank.
Ladies how do you do it?
Guys any suggestions?
Weve been married for 27 years and raised 2 sons.
Dang it why aren't you my age? I've been married for 1 year, I haven't purchased much since then for my tank. Sadly.
Originally Posted by casper1875
http:///forum/post/3089370
He does everything with our boys. The oldest will be 25 in August. The youngest just turned 22 in June. They still do alot together. Golf, frisby golf, hunting, fishing, crabbing. Our youngest son races micro sprints. We go to the races every Saturday night during the summer.
I feel like a witch for being upset. I could not have hand picked a better dad for our boys. He an excellent father.
I know the 180 will be awesome when I get it all set up. I just need help with it. I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Thought someone may have been through this and could give some insight.
Personally if it is a guy do the math. What does he really drop into those sprint cars? How much money worth of clubs and green fees are in his golf bag, how much money is in his rods and reels and hunting rifle, scope, shotgun and leases...
I don't think a 180 will top all that...
Either that or use your seductive womanly charms... (I'm only half way joking)
Originally Posted by casper1875trong>
http:///forum/post/3089418
Example: New sump: around $325.00 and that did not include the pump, that's a lot of frisbys.
My trip to the ER after a midnight runnin with a large bristleworm, and several trips to the orthopedic doctor.

Tore the tendons in my pinky finger and it was in a splint for 6 weeks and then another 6 weeks of wearing it at night.
Spent about 3 hours in ER, doctors thought my husband did it. They never heard of a bristleworm.
That may be a lot of frisbees but it isn't but half a driver... BTW what happened where you had to go to the ER. I need to hear this story.
 
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