The worst mistake of my life!!!

[hypertek99]

Well i've made the most stupid mistake in my life. I broke up with girlfriend of 6 years in september. I'm usually pretty secret about these stuff and don't want my friends and family to know about it. But I Love her so much!! It's been 5 months now and the past 2 days i've been in tears!! Yes tears and i never cry but even hanging out with friends i can't control these tears now. What is wrong with me? Any advice from any long term relationship people out there??? Valentine's is next week and i've bought pretty much everything i can think of. I even made her a cd with one song on it Sorry by buckcherry. That's how i feel right now. I'm so depressed right now but i don't show it when i'm out with friends but i know i am. And she met a guy last week and she says they are friends right now. How do i win her back??? I lost my romantic touch somewhere in the 6 years. Sorry to vent this out to you guys on here. I can't even sleep, work, or have fun anymore.

 

[toeknee]

well im sure there was a reason you broke up with her?
but that is what usually happens you are so used to something that even if you have a legitamate reason to break up with them you regret it and you want them back.
I have done that before and actually won them back just to find out that they were temperary feelings and once I slipped back into the groove of being with them I lost interest once again. Messed up thing to do to them.
Give it a few weeks and make sure you hang out with your friends alot and keep yourself busy sure you will regret it but thats what happens.

 

[hypertek99]

You won't believe me if i told it to you but the reason was so dumb. We got in an argument over an alarm clock and i told her to move out. I didn't mean what i said. Yeah i though i would move on by now. Almost half a year has gone by. I tried to date others but it's not the same.

 

[toeknee]

K i agree stupid reason.
if its been a half a year shes probably moved on and if not your lucky.
I guess only thing you could do is explain you made a mistake and youd like another chance and throw yourself out there.

 

[dangalla]

so call her up, tell her what you just wrote here and ask her to go to dinner with you. one of two things is gonna happen 1) you go to dinner and possibly make up or 2) she says no and at that point you really need to go get laid. as far as i see it either way you win, one way might just take a little longer for you to realize

 

[spiderwoman]

Wow, that is a dumb reason!!
Here is a view from the female side. If my SO had told me to move out because of reason like that I'd be packing quickly and getting away as far as I could. I would really wonder about the health of the relationship to begin with and if my SO was still *in* love with me. It's healthy to argue, but knowing how to argue is the key.
After 6 yrs an argument over an alarm clock that ends up in *move out* is a sign of something more significant brewing on the background.
Were you bored with her? Wanted to see what else is out there? Is this your first long term relationship you've been at, maybe even the first serious one? How old are you?
Sounds like you were wanting out of the relationship and an argument over an alarm clock seemed big enough to warrant the famous words *get out*.

 

[hypertek99]

Yes first long term relationship. I'm 28 now. I've had a bad issue with oversleeping and she works late night shifts as she's a nurse. And she always had to turn off my alarm clock while i sleep through it. Gosh i am so stupid. I don't oversleep anymore.

 

[spiderwoman]

Have you kept in contact with her? Have you told her how sorry you are and that what you did was REALLY STUPID? Is she still available? Did you guys ever talk about marriage/children/future?
We women like to hear men admit sometimes how wrong they are. I'm 40 and been around the block a few times... hehe so I have a bit of experience in what I'm talking about.

 

[sepulatian]

Give her a call and ask her to go out to dinner with you. Save the gifts for now. Just talk to her and tell her how sorry you are. I would not give up just yet without talking to her. Six months is not that long out of a long term relationship at all. At least you will find out how she feels. In the future, when things are bothering you talk about them with the person that you are with. If you let them build up then you will explode over something stupid. The worst fight my friend ever had with her husband was over a jar of pasta sauce.

 

[crashbandicoot]

Man you need to let go and move on there are a billion fish in the sea . You need to get out there and quit dwelling on the past . Stop comparing other women to her . Believe me last thing your new gal needs is you comparing her to the old gal . It never works . Of course its different . Thats a good thing . Go out live life and get over it . Let the past be the past . If you had a fight over something stupid like an alarm clock and you let it escelate to the point you broke up and she moved out , Never mind the fact that its been 6 months . Then there is obviously a little more to the story . You need to get to the meat of who "YOU" are . Why would you 1 fight over an alarm clock. 2. Throw her out over a fight about an alarm clock . 3 not realize what a dumb--- you are right away. 4 after 6 months decide oh yeah there was something worth having there . 5 why you want that back even though it won't be the same ever again .

Just my opinion . . .

 

[meemmoo]

You were together for 6 years and had you talked about getting married or anything like that? I would say that after that long a time you would know so, it may not have been meant to be. Call her if it will make you feel better, but she may have moved on from a girls perspective 5 months is a long time... Good luck!

 

[chaffey]

If you love her so much try to get her back. I broke up with my ex for some stupid reason about 6 years ago. We were dating for 3 years. I am now married with 2 kids, she's married with 2 kids. However we never stop loving each other, we both agreed that breaking up was a biggest mistake of our life and now we have to suffered.
I am very happy with my life/family but she was my first love and I will never forget...same with her.

 

[reefraff]

Forget the gifts and crap. Just talk to the girl and MOVE SLOWLY. I would be willing to bet the alarm clock episode was more of a sympton other problems of some kind that just boiled over in that moment. You need to think real hard about what the big picture was before the break up. A lot of dumb little things left unresolved can become one big major blow up.

 

[mie]

If all that was said was "move out" over an alarm clock there are much deeper problems there. I have been with my wife for twelve years and we have went through some stuff together. Lots of things have been said and feelings were hurt. I hate to say it but if one silly argument and one thing being said out of anger or frustration ended a six year relationship i dont think it was going to a very healthy one for much longer.

 

[reefmate75]

sorry to hear that hyper!
ill let you guys in on a little secret, ive read alot about women and relationships, i know lame huh haha, well anyways. i was in a long term relationship also that had ended i was with her for almost 4 years i have a kid with her and she left me..why? because i didn't make her FEEL like i loved her, i told her every day but that isnt what matters, guys tend to slack off when they are with someone for a long time, thats what i did, she made dinner we ate together then i would retreet back to my computer or my fish tank SO? that told her that i loved my fish and my computer more then i loved her, its not true i would sell it all off if she told me too ok to the parts of making it WORK!! this is going to be long bare with me
1. love IS BLIND
when you first get with someone and for what you think is love its really lust, that lust is what makes men have babies and women as well, i mean befor you have them why in the world would you want another mouth to feed? sleepless nights and alot more costs, its your nature its something you cant control. that lust or blinding will fade after about 1-2 years and your partner will start to see all your flaws and start to nit pick you on them, and men return that nitpicking as nagging and tend to push anger into the subject, for the blind part of #1 im sure you all know what this means, the person your with is perfect in every way, sure she has hairy knuckles or she has a mustache but you dont care you love her, thats blind love
2. love conquers all
in that frist year or 2 men will have changed to what they think their woman wants from them, and women will want to do every thing for their man as that "love" wears off men have become lazy, and women feel like their being taken advantage of...so the good part
3. THE FIGHT IS ON!!!!
men feel like their woman wants to much from them, but as you remember when you frist got with her you would do the dishes, take out the trash, pick up around the house and she would always keep telling you, you dont have to do that its ok i dont mind, so you as the man say hey i like that idea and flop down to your computer, or your fish tank or whateveer your hobbys might be and let her do her thing right? well thats what i did haha
she wants something from you, and you want something from her, but what is it???
men dont care so much about love, men want respect and want to feel like they are incontrol..even if every thing is falling down hill....all in all men show respect and want that in return, but what men should be showing is love the problem is that us men do not know how to really show love...because its not what we really want from our partners so we have never really though about it...women on the other hand do not care so much about respect, they want to KNOW they are loved, and a woman that feels loved will do all she can to keep that love..BUT SHOW RESPECT!! why?? because thats not what they want from us men they want love..hahaha God is very cruel and mean it seems huh
well as time goes on he starts to try and FORCE her to give him what he wants, respect..and women are clueless on how to give it, and at the same time women are trying to FORCE their man to give them what they want...love, and men are clueless
and fights on stupid things start to break out...and as time gose on these little stupid things get worse and worse, im assuming that that alarm clock argument wasnt the first time you both got into over that,...but as time went on it got worse and worse and you finally broke and told her to get out their is a underling problem...its not the alarm clock, its not her, and its not you its BOTH of you neither of you are right or wrong

 

[reefmate75]

i have a shout story about me and my woman...ours wasnt a alarm clock, ours was the toilet paper roll, when it was empty she wanted me to change it, the problem was i dont use a lot of toilet paper maybe once a day she used it a ton, and always blamed me for using it all up and not replacing it well she had deemed it my job to change it so thats what she was going to get she was willing to argue all day about it to get what she wanted and she felt like i didnt love her..so what dose one do? find someone that dose, and she did so she thought, a guy at her work, they had a fling right after we split up but he was married, and she thought he loved her but wasnt willing to leave his wife and 3 kids for her, and now she was the mistress...needless to say her love for this mad faded really fast as she found out there was worse things than a man that was loyal and always came home to her, so afetr her fling with this guy for about 3 months went on and she found out that he couldnt really love her, she decided to start working on things with us, but as long as she loved this guy i didnt stand a chance of getting her back..and the guy she was seeing i had talked to him and he said he dose love her, but has a responsability to his wife and kids to stay with them..and i can understand that reason, as many men can, and where many women say to hell with that, whats marriage without love, nothing to a woman, to a man though its a responsibility that they took knowing what was expected of them, any how after reading a few books on this subject i now knew how to show a woman i loved her... so to part 4!
4. how to show her
when she makes dinner instead of makeing her clean it up, how about you do it, or better yet do it together they love it, and dont leave her alone in the liveing room, you should set aside around 1 hour of time to spend with here...this time isnt to be spent cleaning the kitchen after dinner eather thats not time spent together its a good building block for working together and learning to work together is what its all about!
God made us this way, every thing about men and women are different but we both fuction the same basic way...a few examples, men..we think about 1 thing at a time and complete one thing at a time, and anything new will be added to the bottom of the list as tasks to be done today, and will not think about it again till we complete the other tasks ahead of it, women on the other hand think about ALL the tasks at the same time and work on them all at the same time on the ones they can anyhow, men think respect, women think love, men show respect women show love, all in all a man and a woman COMPLETE each other we are totally different on purpose for what a man lacks a woman contains and vise versa
ok back to showing her you love her...you dont come home and expect your woman to jump your bones..shes busy, and she will not be into making "love" entill all the things on her list are cleared off, instead come home and ask is their anything i can do for you, dont come home and take over what ever shes doing thats rude in her eyes, and youll have a fight, if she tells you theres a load of laundry, get right on it! and when you get that going ask for another task, i dont recommend this if shes sitting on the couch..i would say sit next to her and ask her about her day even if the answer if fine, pick at that answer as she will have some little story for the day, at first this might seem like torture for a man, but your giving her something she really dose love, your attention. and if she dosent have one, tell her about one of yours, that might spark something in her to start talking, women bond with talking, men bond in the bed, sorry women that read this, its true..men bond in the bed,
and when you come home if she isnt totally pissed off you need to touch her as this is also very reseptive for women, im not talking slap her on her butt and ask whats for dinner! i mean a light rub on the arm not lasting more then 2 seconds, or shoulder, the middle of her back, butts, and booobs are off limits!!! yes women its hard for us guys hahaha
this area isnt covered as much as i would like but i think you got the idea
5. time together
at night before bed if your both religious try reading alittle of the bible together at night, it dosent have to be the bible it can be self improvement books like on money and love, but i do recommend the bible sence it is the real book on all things as long as you can grasp what its talking about
at least one night a week take her out on a DATE, just because you live with her doesnt mean you get to stop dating, movie doesnt count unless there's a dinner after the movie
every day spend alittle time with her, 30-90 minets a day with just her, hard if kids are involved, but make sure the kids bed time is early so you 2 can have some alone time "s.e.x." dosent count either sorry guys

 

[reefmate75]

6. she has to be on board
every thing i have said here is for a man to a woman there is a ton of info i left out but i got the basics for men, i highly recommend you get a book and read it with her, dont shove it down her throat she will throw it at you something both partys need to understand is that something isnt right, and im willing to bet you both need to change and for that to happen she needs a open mind as well
i hope every thing works out for you hyper!!!! me and my wife have been back together for over a year and its been a full 180 every thing is woking great and i dont mind spending time with her anymore haha

 

[reefmate75]

also hyper...there is one thing men and women both do the same...what ever we work hard at doing we love, just like your fish tank, youve worked hard to get it looking great and you love it, what ever she works hard at she loves also, like raiseing kids parents work hard at raiseing kids, and therfor you love them, just like your rebuilding a classisc car to resell, when your done with it,...its going to be hard to sell that car, youll want way more then anyone would pay
i can show you another part to prove this, there is a trend here on breeding clownfish they was going to breed them to trade for frags and whatnots well as it turned out they couldnt trade or sell the fish as they had grown to love them...what ever you work at you will love, work at your problems with your ex and you will begine to really love her as she will you, not "blind" love, real love, dont hint at things tell her what you want and she needs to tell you also, dont fight about what you want just each of you make out a list of things you want..items..what you want from each other, sit down with your lists and you each agree to do 2 things ont hat list, and in another month do it again, but you cant take back what you have already given her from the previous one

 

[1journeyman]

If you dated for 6 years and lived together then I think it's pretty safe to say you didn't break up over an alarm clock....
Figure out the real reason the relationship didn't work, and go from there.

 

[ophiura]

Yeah, there is more there. Personally, it is a flag to me that she knows you needed the alarm clock (jee, who doesn't) and would turn it off because it bothered her because of what she wanted. I mean I suppose this could have put your job in jeopardy?
Relationships are a give and take. My husband's alarm goes off earlier, and I wake up...and go back to bed. I (honestly) snore and can keep him up, so he wears earplugs. It is a give and take. The fact that she would just turn it off is EXCEEDINGLY selfish, IMO, and that is the deeper part. You weren't in this together, frankly, the alarm clock was just the obvious sign of it.
Move on. There are other women out there who are willing to sacrifice a bit more than that one. If you looked harder, I bet there would be more signs of trouble.