Thought I'd Share A Laugh!

rainbow grouper

Active Member
god I think i just lost all my brain cells reading this no good for the fish i thought this was ment to be a funny post
alright this post is getting tiring now
 

1guydude

Well-Known Member
How does a canadian spell canada?
c-ay-n-ay-d-ay
no offense of course Al....ive got a bit of canadian in me as well!
 

reefraff

Active Member
If your wife comes out of the kitchen to yell at you what did you do wrong?
Left too much slack when you chained her to the stove
 

reefraff

Active Member
This was too bad not to include
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Shelley is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Shelley surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has aroll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Shelley.
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
 

rainbow grouper

Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow grouper http:///t/387480/thought-i-d-share-a-laugh/20#post_3411447
god I think i just lost all my brain cells reading this no good for the fish i thought this was ment to be a funny post
alright this post is getting tiring now
Oh honestly. so a girl asks her mummy if she can swim in the sea the mum replies no the girl asks why the mum says theres sharks in the water the girl says then whys daddy swimming the mother replies hes insured. That was so bad i had to put it on also bigarn if your going to put a funny thread in the aquarium atleast make like darths little jhonny.
 

darthtang aw

Active Member

How does a canadian spell canada?

c-ay-n-ay-d-ay



no offense of course Al....ive got a bit of canadian in me as well!
In you, huh? What's his name?
Darth (now that's funny) Tang
 

darthtang aw

Active Member
You are apologizing for the wrong thing. Read your posting 8 times. My eyes are bleeding...my brain is slowly devolving to primate status, and there is a ringing in my ears.
Darth (punctuation saves lives) Tang
 

reefraff

Active Member
So a guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender if his little friend could play the piano. The bartender looked a little baffled not seeing anyone with him but says "sure" thinking the guy was just drunk or something. Pretty soon the bar was filled with the most beautiful piano music he'd ever heard. He looked at the piano and saw a tiny man standing on the bench playing away.
The bartender asks what the deal is. The customer says "I came across this old lamp and decided to polish it up to see if I could sell it. You know the story, I gave it a few rubs and out pops this genie. I was granted 3 wishes for freeing him. My first wish was for a Cadillac. Suddenly my chest started hurting and yelled at the Genie I said Cadillac, not Cardiac. So the Genie corrected his mistake and that CTS parked out front is the result. The genie explained I needed to speak clearly because he was a little hard of hearing. My next wish was for a Billion dollars. After granting that wish the genie told me to think carefully because the moment I made my 3rd and final wish he would vanish. I guess the thought of the new car and all the money got me excited because I blurted out my third wish and he was gone".
The bartender says "Yes, but that doesn't explain that little fellow playing the piano". The man responds "Now you don't really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist do you?"
 

sepulatian

Moderator
OMG these are great!!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any *********. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Sep (didn't know Darth was such a whiner these days) ulatian ;)
 
Top