Twins

[tnmarine]

victoria79 email me aimee_arrington@comcast.net I have 5 year old g/b twins. I know it helps just talking to another mother of multiples, someone who's been there. We mothers of multiples have to stick together.
Aimee

 

[lovethesea]

the one thing that you both need to do is be equal in the structure. One can't always be the enforcer as they will soon find out that the other parent will get them out or think its funny.
Parenting is the toughest thing you will ever do, and you can't give up. You both need to be strong loving forces for these little guys.

 

[bang guy]

Originally posted by jwtrojan44
If spankings worked, then a child would only need to be spanked once, correct?
Do you believe that if time-out worked it would only need to be used once? I don't believe that. I believe children will always test to see what limits exist. I believe the severity of the discipline should match the degree of the improper behavior.
Spanking isn't an anger response. It's a form of discipline.

 

[daniel411]

Originally posted by jwtrojan44
Pretty general statement Guy.
While their may not be a single cause solely responsible. If discipline was maintained by parents, wouldn't the exposure to the violence in the various media sources be (likely) more controlled? Therefore eliminating violence in the various media sources as major cause. I do agree that its a major cause of violence today, but the root cause of that... is a lack of discipline-parenting.
An interesting question, would be is there a difference between spanking out of anger vs. out of love?
Odd note (that scares me) is that the Netherlands were seriously considering outlawing child discipline that involved spanking! Not sure if it ever passed.
I just recently watched an expose that delt with violence in the media, heres some notes from a transcript that I wrote.
"As the parent of five children I don't need experts to tell me that the amount of violence today on television can harm children... Television violence is the single most important factor contributing to violence in America!"
-Ted Turner, Cox News 6/29/93
"Movie violence is like eating salt, the more you eat the more you need to eat to taste it at all. People are becoming immune to the effects, the death counts have quadrupled, they're becoming deaf to it! They've developed an insatiabillity for raw sensation."
-Alan J. Pakula's, director of All The Presidents Men
"Television has become one of the most destructive forces in our society. Ask me about violence and I'll tell you that television has caused it... Television destroys dreams'!"
-Jerry Louis, Celebrity Circus Charles Haghan
"You know whats amazing in 1982 the Surgeon General of the United States released a report with 5 volumes of documentation proving beyond any shadow of any scientific doubt that prolonged exposure to violent imagery on television encourage more hostile, violent, and aggresive attitudes in real life".
ABC responded to that report: "Unfortunately, we have no conclusive evidence that televised imagery impacts real-world behavior in any way."
"Now if ABC believed that, than they better start refunding billions of dollars in advertising. Because if televised imagery doesn't influence human behavior, what are they doing selling ad time?"
-Michael Meduig(sp?)
The National Institutes of Mental Health has over 1000 studies conforming that tv violence and aggressive behavior are conjoined. Hmm, if the medical community released over 1000 clear studies that cancer was caused by milk, the dairy industry would collapse overnight.
Useing computer modeling to show future trends in crime. The forecast... MURDER! "This is the lull before the crime storm. Their is a tremondous crime wave coming in the next 10 years. Not by hardened criminals but by the young and ruthless. Young people who are turning murderous. Because murder is just not the taboo that it once was. Alot of that is television. Now, kids have become desnsitized. They'll rent movies and play their favorite scenes, often the most violent over and over. What do you think the effect is on a kid when his first exposure to --- is a brutal ---- scene? That is a very powerful image. Kids are the least deterrable."
-James Fox, Dean of Criminalogy Department of NW University. Media Wis. Ted Baehr p.107
Disclaimer: I may have made a mistake while writing everything down, if I did though it was unintentional. If anyones interested I can probally get them a copy.

 

[daniel411]

Victoria79,
I apoligize for not saying this before. I hope and will pray that all will work out for you and your family.

 

[victoria79]

Yesterday went by with a breeze the boys were little angles until we came home this afternoon they turned on us. Rotten little buggers. My husband and I had a long talk on the way home. He agrees that the boys are little stinkers at times, and we are on our way to making things better. Or worse LOL who knows if everyone were right it would be heaven on earth. thank alot to everyone there are alot of interesting veiws about raiseing children.

 

[neoreef]

Well, I'm not done raising mine yet...I had a very angry Mom and Dad who spanked whether we did something wrong or not. I found myself falling into their pattern with my son when he was a toddler. He would do something bad and I would get an automatic anger response. I didn't want to be that way.
So I used the time out method more for me than for him. Time out gave me time to calm down. Once I got over being angry, I got my control back and could discipline him in a way that was not angry, but firmly communicated what he did wrong and why. As the years have gone by, I find that I have conditioned myself so that I am no longer angry when they are bad.
I believe in discipline. It is our job to guide their behavior towards the socially, morally, and ethically acceptable. And I am not totally against spanking, although I have never used it with my children. I can see swatting the rear end of a misbehaving child to get their attention...
I just can't see how you can teach them to have self control when you are angry and out of control.
The best leaders, lead by example. If we lie to them, it teaches them that lying is OK, hit them , then hitting is OK.
Well, I am not done raising them yet, so I guess we'll see how they turn out. So far they get along awfully well with each other and with those around them, and they are a lot of fun for us too.
I don't think I've messed up too bad, yet.
God bless the mothers (and fathers) of twins or multiples. I think there should be an automatic place in heaven for them.

 

[birdy]

Victoria- I am a mother of b/g twins, I have a website for twin mom's I would love to share with you, email me- bugsnbirdsNOSPAM@everestkc.net (take out no spam)

 

[tizzo]

You guys talk to much so I only skimmed through the comments, so if this is a repeat... I apologize.
I want to point out first, that spanking a kid DOES NOT teach them to hit. It teaches them who the boss is. If that theory were true, then one could argue...
Don't spank the kids-They will learn to hit.
Don't cuss-They will think it's OK.
Don't smoke-Because then they will.
Basically what your saying is that kids have the "right" to act however they want, if they see it being done.
MY KIDS role is to be kids, and when they see others doing something wrong, they ARE NOT allowed to do it...Until they become adults and can judge for themselves.
And yes, if you spank your kids for something it SHOULD only have to be that one time. Pain as a consequence teaches kids... I have NEVER seen one touch a hot stove twice.
I believe that as parents, your JOB is to teach, guide, steer, and DISCIPLINE your children...If you don't, then you ARE NOT a parent, you are simply somebody who had a kid and feeds it til it grows up and moves out. Victoria, Giving advice on kids, on-line is practically impossible. You know your kids circumstances much better than we do. For example, if my 9 year old were to hide under the porch...(sounds cruel, but I would) leave him there and act like I could care less. His little antics actually worked. I have a really hard time with kids who think that they are the boss... My nephew just left, and I was SO glad to see that interrupting, controlling, manipulating, selfish, little SH*T go!! (and he DOESN'T get spanked). Once, he spent a week here... He acted like he always does, my hubby spanked him and then he was an angel... But he went home and told his mom that he never wanted to come back, because uncle Brian is mean!! And of course, she "obeyed".
AAAHH, KIDS!!!!!
I don't however think you should EVER spank your kids out of "anger". I think you should spank them as a consequence to something they've done wrong, NOT after they've done it 50 times, because by then it's YOUR fault!!

 

[tizzo]

OK, I went back and read enough... POSITIVE REINFORCEMENTS MY *SS!!!!!
If your kid make the honor roll-+ reinforcements...
If they help an old lady cross the street,
if they save a drowning kitten,
or even if they attempt to clean their room.
But peeing all over the sibling?!?!? I totally support Victoria, except when she says it wasn't harsh!! I would light my kid up!!!
But luckily, I don't have to worry about that...cause I spanked my 9 year old while he was younger, and today...guess what, he is a pleasure for anyone he is around. Now my 2 year old...I'm still working on him! And the baby, well, I'll just have to start all over!
Your kids DO listen better if you actually mean what you say...And how will they know if there is no negative consequence for disobeying??

 

[redwinger]

Originally posted by Bang Guy
It's interesting that the level of violence in our society is climbing rapidly and the amount of dicipline is falling rapidly.
It must just be a coincidence.

Excellent point. I agree.
Not to mention, just the pure lack of respect from the kids.
I'm not condoning assault and battery, but nothing wrong with spanking YOUR kids.
My daughter is and angel so she has never been touched but my boy, who is usually a pretty good kid, I just scare the ---- out of him. I just grab him by the shirt and lift him off the floor, up against the wall and yell at him. No marks, no pain, just scares him. Only had to do it twice. Worked both times.

 

[disgusted]

I see this thread has gotten quite a few responses. I'm not going to get into an argument about spanking, but again I do NOT condone it and never will. My children are very well behaved, but are disciplined well. Have been from the beginning.
I am going to disagree and say that spanking DOES teach them to hit. If your young child is on the playground and gets angry with another child and he hits them, will you say that's ok? By spanking you are doing the same thing. Your child has made you angry by his/her actions and you hit them to let them know you're angry. Wrong, wrong wrong. My children have made me plenty angry in the past, but I promise you I have never, ever laid a hand on them. My words were discipline enough...I would never stoop so low as to hit a child.

 

[tizzo]

Originally posted by disgusted
Your child has made you angry by his/her actions and you hit them to let them know you're angry. Wrong, wrong wrong.
Disgusted, I totally agree with you... If your children make you angry and you hit them you are wrong. I believe that if you hit a child out of anger that is the definition of abuse. But I also believe that if you spank them with no emotion, and tell them why they got spanked (although, they usually already know) then that is more of a consequence. One that YOU have complete authority to give. And children should NEVER be so independent that they think that they are authority figures. They are still children, and just because they see something being done does not mean it's ok for them...That's an excuse.
If your children used the F word, is it OK because they've heard an adult use it? And if you shield your children from things like THAT then you are changing your atmosphere to fit the needs of your children, and not raising your children to know whats ok for them to do as children.
That is an example only, I am in no way implying that you are like that. But that little "child" that just left here... His mom excused everything he did by saying, "well what can you expect ? He hears his grandfather talk/act like that". No consequence. And because he sees it being done, it must be OK for him too??? BULL_PUCKEY!!! Personally, I don't make it a habit to cuss, but sometimes I will slip up, and if my child heard me and thought he could say it cause I did...Well it doesn't work that way. I don't remember ever being spanked by my folks and I was very sweet and considerate.
But for some reason deep down I knew that there would be a price to pay if I was bad. Come to find out years later, that my mom DID infact spank me up until the age of three, only I don't remember it. But I musta remembered the fact that there was a consequence!!
If my son is exceptionally considerate (which is often) He gets that positive reinforcement that's been mentioned.
If he is simply being good, he gets nothing because that is what I expect from him.
And if he's bad, well then I must act appropriatly. And I always start with a warning, so when he does it again...he knows why his butt hurts!

 

[birdy]

Tizzo I agree with you 100%, a spanking should never be done in anger, in fact no punishment should be done in anger. Parents need to be parents not friends to their children. But even more important than spanking is consitency in your punishment, your child should know without a doubt that A+B =C,every single time, of course positive reinforcement is very valuable and I try to give my kids every chance to make the right choice, but if they deliberately disobey then there is a consequence.
This is a touchy subject and every parent, every child and every situation is different, no one can tell you how to raise your kids, so take every idea with caution and use what you know would work with your children. Do what you feel comfortable with and be consistent.

 

[tizzo]

My 9 year old and I have been joking about this thread since I first read it... I told him, "Some people on-line say you shouldn't spank your kids". He laughs and says, "they have no idea..." And this morning when I saw him cleaning the living room for me (something he never does without me asking hin to) I say, "Cool, thanks Ty..". He says what"? I said, "You're straightening up the living room for me". And he jokingly replies, "That's because you beat me!!!" So trust me, the boy don't live in constant fear!!!

 

[grindzgreg]

lets try and not tell someone how to parent their child....
If you had any cajones you would smack their kid the first time they screwed up....
Check it....
Your kid gets high, You ground him for a week....BIG DEAL!!!!
He gets high again.... you find out and ground him for a week...then he will learn how not to get caught...
What should happen
gets high....you smack the SH** out of the little punk and then ground his ass
no mas mota
yeah sac up and teach your kids a lesson....its legal and the way to do it
illegal site reference
First of all, links are not allowed. And i dont think drugs are to be disscused here. Keep your drug life at home please.

 

[nflnutswif]

First off. . . I hate the fact I'm following a post from (Grindz) Agh!
I'm a parent who in fact am practicing what my parents and my husbands parents used on us.
1) 6 kids, spanked for lying, cheating, hurting others! But after the whipping, My father came back into our room and discussed what had just happened and WHY! Leaving our room with a Kiss and an I LOVE YOU!
I was only spanked once at 13years old! (lying)
I have wonderful respectful children, fairly good in school, but most importantly Happy, Healthy,
Good Luck w/ Patience and a growing understanding of what your individual child needs independant of the others.

 

[aarone]

First of all, links are not allowed. And i dont think drugs are to be disscused here. Keep your drug life at home please.
since you obviously are new to VBulletin technology i will tell you...the quote buttons work great!
secondly...re read the post...not once does it mention personal drug life
third ...check the TOS moron before you start acting like goody moderator you might need to know links are allowed and since maddox does not sell fish related goods its ok.
come back with somethin better

 

[nflnutswif]

You go Aaron!!!!!!!
Maybe our new friend Grindz will get the point!
:happy:

 

[aarone]

Originally posted by nflnutswif
You go Aaron!!!!!!!
Maybe our new friend Grindz will get the point!
:happy:
i doubt it