Why do people cheat?

t316

t316

Active Member
Originally Posted by TangMan99
http:///forum/post/3136131
Digging up from my old days, if he found them together and reacted to the situation then it's quite possibly a crime of passion. If he found out about it and went looking for him, not a good thing for him I'm afraid.
Either way, sorry to hear about this.
This is what I'm afraid of. I have not been able to speak to him directly yet, but it appears that moment of passion was the driving force, yet according to the story I'm hearing, there was a small window of opportunity to retreat and handle this a different way.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts on the question. I agree about the dirt bags out there that do this repeatedly, but this question is more about the mentality of the first time cheater. I mean, couple has been married 15+ yrs, two teenage kids, middle class with few worries other than the normal, he works extra hard so she doesn't have to. Then one person comes along that hits the right chord. What the hell are people thinking? Now it's all gone, in a snap. Kids hate her, husband in jail, life as she knew it...over, because of a stupid act. Do people really think the grass is greener on the other side

I'm hearing he may be released today. Her parents (his in-laws) of all people, are signing over their house as collateral for bail. Serious charges here, but I guess the magistrate knew it was a domestic situation and realized that he is not a threat to society, I don't know yet.
 
t316

t316

Active Member
Originally Posted by spanko
http:///forum/post/3136274
Probably too many reasons to really come to an answer here.
IMO none of them good. If you feel (guy or gal) that the relationship is deteriorating to the point that you are looking for something new, address the problem in the current relationship. If there is no viable solution then the breaking of the relationship can happen. Give the other person (read marriage partner here) the respect you had for them in the beginning. Up front with the problem, work it out or not but come to a conclusion the same way that you came to the beginning - together.
Cheating is wrong and hurtful IMO.

I had this conversation with my wife last night. As blown away as we both are about this, I told her.....Please, please, please..If you ever even think about cheating on me, please allow the opportunity to dissolve the current relationship before you do a stupid act that hurts sooooo many people and destroys lives, because I can see me being like him and probably being on trial for murder or something.
 
S

smartorl

Guest
My ex did the s_x texting and instant messaging as his form of cheating. I have the little black dress and wear it well, at the time I was "cheated on", I was stressed and overwhelmed at caring for his schizophrenic mother who was recovering from kidney removal due to cancer and the resulting treatments.
Mine did it for the ego boost. He had alot of health problems growing up, as well as his mother's bizarre behavior which set him apart from the other kids. He could be the "cool, smooth" one over the net. He was addicted to the power rush he got. He valued that more than our relationship.
In no way condoning it, I can see how the ego plays a large part in all cheating.
 
roadie996

roadie996

Member
from personal experience of being the cheated, I believe the others did it for attention. the worst was when I caught her and she denied it... crazy shtuff...
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3136272
...so if you are married...and maybe gain some weight...feel less attractive, not very s exy, or black dressish...you deserve to be cheated on???
No no, read what I said, I was only pointing out what I've observed personally. I even implied it was the exception not the rule.
It is like I knew this other girl who would lead guys on for an extended period of time. Then the oblivious guy thinking she was into him, would come onto her. Then the oblivious girl would cry sexual assault.
Obviously the guys misread her intentions. And she really needs to change her behavior. Because she mis-communicated her intentions. Because somehow snuggling in your undies watching a movie can be totally platonic. (not a personal experience)
It isn't right, it is hurtful. But in the 2 families I'm thinking of, the cheating spouse was justifiably unhappy. The problem is imo you've already said I do, and unhappy or not, you've got kids, and you've given your word. You shouldn't be cheating.
Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136278
I'm hearing he may be released today. Her parents (his in-laws) of all people, are signing over their house as collateral for bail. Serious charges here, but I guess the magistrate knew it was a domestic situation and realized that he is not a threat to society, I don't know yet.
WOW, hat's off to them.
 
S

smartorl

Guest
Ha! I stood in front of mine with the evidence of numerous different encounters with several women, several themselves married, in my hand (he didn't know I had them) and he lied. I asked him to stop because he was making it worse tenfold, yet, he kept on denying and the coupe de grace, he called me "crazy" for doubting him because it was in my head, NOTHING was going on, he had stopped all that when he got caught the last time. I slapped them down on the table about the same time they hit his email. He looked at the screen and over at the table and sat there quiet before the new story of "these were women who thought they were hot stuff and he was just screwing with them"........um, ok. Perhaps, he should have given himself a little more time to come up with something better.
 
meowzer

meowzer

Moderator
Originally Posted by stdreb27
http:///forum/post/3136306
No no, read what I said, I was only pointing out what I've observed personally. I even implied it was the exception not the rule.
LOL...I know...I was also laughing about the thought...and that (sad, but true) this does happen
 
scotts

scotts

Active Member
Dude....OUCH!!!!
OK first off, why do people cheat? My own stupid personal opinion is that when people first get into a relationship it is all giggles and grins and champagne bubbles. This of course does not last entirely and real life sets in. Things eventually turn ordinary. I THINK that people who cheat are looking for that giggles and grins thing again. What they don't realize is that the ordinary life is the good stuff. It is like your old comfy bathrobe. Man nothing fits you like that one does. You put it on and it just fits you right and molds to your body and it just feels good.
Now on to you, man does this bite for you. You are so involved in it. Not only from a personal point of view because he is a frined. Also from a family point of view because he is your cousin, then on top of all this from a work point of view because he is missing time from work. Triple whammy! She must not be high in your thoughts right now either.
S
 
theclemsonkid

theclemsonkid

Member
My college roommate wrote her dissertation on this very subject. She was in biology with a minor in cultural anthropology, so a large portion of her paper was on the "biological" aspect of the act of cheating.
I think one thing people forget as humans, is that on a genetic level, we are programmed to respond and react to certain things without ever "thinking" about it.
You have to realize that the institution of marriage is only a few centuries old, and the idea of monogamy is only a few thousand years old. Seems like a lot of time sure, but when you throw that up against the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, it's a relatively "new" idea.
When it comes right down to it, our bodies are programmed to find a person to procreate with. period. So when little miss hot thing two cubicles over comes on to a guy, not only is he fighting the good fight in his head about why he shouldn't do this because of his wife and family; he is also fighting against human nature, which nine times out of ten, you're gonna lose.
I'm in no way saying that is an excuse, I'm just saying that after I read her dissertation, it really made me rethink things about we as humans in general, and why a lot of things we look at and say "wow, I can't believe that happened", actually do...
 
t316

t316

Active Member
Originally Posted by Scotts
http:///forum/post/3136354
Dude....OUCH!!!!
Now on to you, man does this bite for you. You are so involved in it. Not only from a personal point of view because he is a frined. Also from a family point of view because he is your cousin, then on top of all this from a work point of view because he is missing time from work. Triple whammy! She must not be high in your thoughts right now either.
S
As far as the "employee", I'm okay. I just contracted him out so I can find coverage. Actually, this was his part-time job with me (so that she could stay at home). He is actually a Federal employee, which concerns me that this will most likely cost him his job.
I don't know what to think about her right now. Yes, she was a very attractive girl, but nobody would have ever suspected this. It's almost like a mid-life crisis, or a different girl.
 
t316

t316

Active Member
Originally Posted by TheClemsonKid
http:///forum/post/3136383
My college roommate wrote her dissertation on this very subject. She was in biology with a minor in cultural anthropology, so a large portion of her paper was on the "biological" aspect of the act of cheating.
I think one thing people forget as humans, is that on a genetic level, we are programmed to respond and react to certain things without ever "thinking" about it.
You have to realize that the institution of marriage is only a few centuries old, and the idea of monogamy is only a few thousand years old. Seems like a lot of time sure, but when you throw that up against the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, it's a relatively "new" idea.
When it comes right down to it, our bodies are programmed to find a person to procreate with. period. So when little miss hot thing two cubicles over comes on to a guy, not only is he fighting the good fight in his head about why he shouldn't do this because of his wife and family; he is also fighting against human nature, which nine times out of ten, you're gonna lose.
I'm in no way saying that is an excuse, I'm just saying that after I read her dissertation, it really made me rethink things about we as humans in general, and why a lot of things we look at and say "wow, I can't believe that happened", actually do...
Although you do have some interesting points, which I agree with, one has to believe in evolution for others. Not trying to make this a religious thread, but I believe that God created us, and he meant for one man to be with one woman (insert preference here...as I'm not trying to start a debate over sexuality either). But I have noticed that many of the people that I know who have gone thru this, do so at about the 35-45 age range, and usually somewhat into their marriage years.
What snaps at this point in life for some people to make such an irrational decision? If we succomb to the conclusion that...crap happens, then we are all vulnerable. Yet I honestly don't believe that I am capable of this. Sure I see attractive women, everyday
, but it has never, ever crossed my mind to cheat on my wife. And I can only trust the same from her in return.
Maybe there is a correlation to a "mid-life crisis". I agree with Scotts that boredom sometimes sets in once the tread from the new tires starts wearing off, but millions of other couples seem to find happiness still. What clicks in some people's heads that this is okay?
 
stdreb27

stdreb27

Active Member
Originally Posted by TheClemsonKid
http:///forum/post/3136383
You have to realize that the institution of marriage is only a few centuries old, and the idea of monogamy is only a few thousand years old. Seems like a lot of time sure, but when you throw that up against the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, it's a relatively "new" idea.
Marriage is only a few centuries old? you seriously think that? You might maybe have a point that monogamous marriages have only come into place in the last thousand or so years ago. But a few centuries, yeah there was no marriage 400 years ago.

Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136389
What clicks in some people's heads that this is okay?
I think part of the attraction is that it isn't ok.
 
salty blues

salty blues

Active Member
People cheat because Adam and Eve committed the first sin and thus we are all imperfect human beings. Some of us will cheat, lie, steal, hurt, and kill because of that imperfection.
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
i didnt read any of the posts... but its as simple as one isnt getting fulfilled from the one they are with... in some way there is a void that a person needs to get satisfied...
 
ruaround

ruaround

Active Member
Originally Posted by salty blues
http:///forum/post/3136415
People cheat because Adam and Eve committed the first sin and thus we are all imperfect human beings. Some of us will cheat, lie, steal, hurt, and kill because of that imperfection.
fictional characters have no influence...
 
flower

flower

Well-Known Member
Originally Posted by spanko
http:///forum/post/3136274
Probably too many reasons to really come to an answer here.
IMO none of them good. If you feel (guy or gal) that the relationship is deteriorating to the point that you are looking for something new, address the problem in the current relationship. If there is no viable solution then the breaking of the relationship can happen. Give the other person (read marriage partner here) the respect you had for them in the beginning. Up front with the problem, work it out or not but come to a conclusion the same way that you came to the beginning - together.
Cheating is wrong and hurtful IMO.

+++1 If you don't love them anymore...be an adult, break it off and go...but don't cheat. With diseases like AIDS, it could be a death sentence you are passing on.
 
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