When I was 16, I woke from a dream, I won't go into the dream...it's a long story. The dream had frightened me...what will I do when I die? I sought out God with evey fiber of my being, I knew he was there, not paying attention to me....ignoring me. I cried, I begged and I prayed. ..7 days.... That doesn't look like a long time, but they were hard days and I cried and felt rejected and I wanted God to pay attention, so I prayed somemore.
On the 7th day I was praying, begging and crying and something very warm began in my belly and climbed up and washed over me, and this knowing came all over me and I knew God, and I still choke up remembering that moment.... I opened my eyes and I saw a Bible real as life, but I could see thru the book, it was like a translucent thing. It came to me floating from across the room and stopped in front of my face, it opened up and entered into me. I knew every scripture, I could quote it perfectly. I knew passages I have never read. Not just the scriptures but the letters too..what folks call old and new testaments.
If that were the only thing I ever experienced, it would have been enough. If I ask he stops the rain, if I'm stranded with no phone he sends help anyway. I have gotten into a car wreck...the car was crushed like an accordian, I didn't have a scratch, my sister used the vacuum cleaner and sucked the glass from my hair. That's just a few off the top of my head kind of life I have lived in his care.
I know one thing...HaShem is solid real. I can't prove it, and I am not going to worry about what you folks are going to think of me after this post. I am not crazy. Oh and by the way, before that moment, I couldn't read. I was in special classes (basic math for example) and considered boarderline retarded, the teachers argued with my mother that I should not be in main stream school...I earned straight Fs in everything but art class. I can add and subtact, but I don't know the times tables to this day. I begged God to let me know him, he gave me a book and he taught me how to read it in an instant. I had to read the Bible just to see if what I knew was in there. I can read anything I want now, a novel in a single day and I understand what I read.
When my father was dying, it never even occured to me to ask him not to take him....I never thought of it until this moment, I knew he was supposed to die, I loved him and I cried... and I miss him. I don't blame God for my troubles. Doctors told me I would die before my son Nick was born, the doctors wanted me to abort the pregnancy...they had already taken one baby and I was too sick for the pill (another long story). I asked God to let me bring him to term and let me see him be born, then I could die in peace....he turns 32 on the 29th of September.
Knowing God does not mean that we will have no sorrows, it doesn't mean that he is the Genie of the book to grant our wishes. He isn't a crutch so we don't have to be responsible for our mistakes. I have faced death a few times...He doesn't exist so we won't be afraid to die, LOL...but knowing him helps to take the sting out a bit let me tell you. All of my joy has been to just know him, that's all I ever wanted....I'm quite sure that's all I will ever need. He has never disappointed me.
Shanah Tovah...It's Rosh Hashanah. I love the sound of the shofar!