Adam, I am soo sorry you are going through such a ruff time. I agree with an earlier post, start a journal. writing your feelings down will help ease your mind, esp at night. As the mother of three, (adopting 4th soon) I believe all children are blessings. We all know what teenagers are like,
but we love them anyway. I hope evrything works out for you, and that you find someone to talk to in person. an uncle, or someone at school. Dont take this burden apon your self, its not your fault.
Hugs to you,