I need help

[ironeagle2006]

Everyone here knows that I am not the kind of person that bears his soul that much around here. But I am dealing with so much pressure right now it is not even funny. The past 2 weeks for me have been a freaking Nightmare and I am not talking about one on Elm St Either.
Here is what has been going on. My mother became ill a couple weeks ago and never got better at first we thought winter cold however she started to go downhill. Instead of getting checked out she sat at home and fought it. Now she is in the Hospital in Critical Condition and facing a very long recovery time. I went and saw her in the Hospital yesterday and could not stand it she does not even know who I am and it is scaring me to death. See in 1997 my Grandmother did the exact same thing and within one month she was gone and I am afaird that this is my mothers fate.

 

[teresaq]

I am so sorry your are going thru this. I know how hard it is watching your mother get so sick. You are in my thoughts.

 

[mrdc]

Sorry to hear about your mom but it is out of your hands. If you are a religious person, you can pray but other than that you can only hope she is in good hands at the hospital. All you can do is be there for her, I know it such a helpless feeling but I hope you have a good support group around you. Good luck,

 

[flower]

I also care for my elderly Mother.
My father had COPD he couldn’t exhale the carbon oxide (spelling/proper term?? I am no doctor) and would get to the point where he didn’t know people or where he was. He pulled out of it off and on for years before the end. So it isn’t a death sentence, but it must be dealt with because it is serious. You must tell yourself that, and hang on to hope.
I will say a prayer for your Mom and you.

 

[meowzer]

So sorry for you....I will also be praying for you, your family and of course your mother.
Just take it step by step

 

[fishtaco]

Sending so good karmar your way. Remember when dealing with other peoples ills, make sure you stay healthy yourself, take that advice from one who knows firsthand.
Fishtaco

 

[ironeagle2006]

Trying guys but not easy. When you consider that I have had 2 major Storkes have Epilepsy get Zero Help from my 2 older Brothers one of which is Retired form the USAF I am getting Zero help from them to the point wer ethey are like YOU DEAL WITH IT we do not want to. I am at my breaking point and do not want the pressure anymore yet I keep getting more and more and MORE dumped on me. BTW my 2 Brothers did the Same Crap to me in 97 whe all my Parents health Problems Started. I was the one that was forced to put his life on hold for 3 years so he could help his parents out. NOT THEM they kept on living their lives like nothing was going on.

 

[flower]

My new friend,
Life is 10% what happens and 90% how YOU deal with it. The simple truth is that the only person you can control is yourself. It won’t help to be bitter, it only eat at you. Love your mom the very best you can, do all that you can for her, so in your heart, YOU know you did the right thing.
As for the other family members, let them live with their chosen path, if they have not done right by mom, their hearts will let them know on that sad day when they can’t fix it anymore. Their hearts will be heavy on that day while your conscience will be clear. Your heart will also be heavy with loss, but there will also be a warm quiet joy that you loved her and she knew it. Believe me my dear...she knows who she could count on.
Now hopefully that will be many years down the road. So don’t waste another minute of your life being angry over something you have no power over. Every one of us, if we live long enough are going to have heath issues. So just do the best you can. On the things you can’t do...let it go.
Mom can’t count on the other kids...lift up your head and smile..She is blessed because she has you. Should you live long enough, on the day that you find yourself in mom’s shoes, may you also have someone who will step up and say...You have me.
I don’t know if you are a religious person, but the commandment to honor your parents ( In Hebrew it means take care of them in old age) it is the first commandment with a promise. If you are the one who cares for your parents he says he will allow you to live long on the earth. That’s very good news with the health problems you are dealing with.

 

[ironeagle2006]

Flower trust me I hear you there. Same thing happened with my Late FIL that just died in Sept. When he got bad he turned to my wife and I for help NOt his other kids. Why because with us he knew he would get it. We would take the time to make sure that he got the time he wanted to do anything he needed that he would not have to fit in a some ones Scheduale. I am not kidding my SIL if you try and make plans with her better do it 4 months in advance otherwise your SOL. She even went so far this year as not want to spend anytime with us on Christmas since she found out that she would have to cook. MY brothers yes I know they are busy however they need to realize that I could use a break. Thankfully today I get one. My aunt and Uncle from teh Quad Cities showed up and are taking the load off for a couple days. They are spending it with my mom in the Hospital so I get a huge break from that. Now if I can just get some help with housework I would be in Great Shape.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006 http:///forum/thread/382646/i-need-help#post_3341073
Flower trust me I hear you there. Same thing happened with my Late FIL that just died in Sept. When he got bad he turned to my wife and I for help NOt his other kids. Why because with us he knew he would get it. We would take the time to make sure that he got the time he wanted to do anything he needed that he would not have to fit in a some ones Scheduale. I am not kidding my SIL if you try and make plans with her better do it 4 months in advance otherwise your SOL. She even went so far this year as not want to spend anytime with us on Christmas since she found out that she would have to cook. MY brothers yes I know they are busy however they need to realize that I could use a break. Thankfully today I get one. My aunt and Uncle from teh Quad Cities showed up and are taking the load off for a couple days. They are spending it with my mom in the Hospital so I get a huge break from that. Now if I can just get some help with housework I would be in Great Shape.

Ah, the much needed break. Don't fret the housework...it will always be there. Relax and enjoy your off time.

 

[ironeagle2006]

I thought Christmas Dinner was just going to be my Dad and my family now it has grown by at least 2 more. My aunt and Uncle are coming also. So that means that I have to at least make the effort to get the house somewhat clean.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006 http:///forum/thread/382646/i-need-help#post_3341079
I thought Christmas Dinner was just going to be my Dad and my family now it has grown by at least 2 more. My aunt and Uncle are coming also. So that means that I have to at least make the effort to get the house somewhat clean.

Every year during Passover..the home must be spotless and scrubbed..hire a teenager you will be amazed what a kid will do for $50.00 as long as you are right there to pitch in and clean along with them..many hands make light work.

 

[ironeagle2006]

We fell behind due to my mother getting sick. More time at Hospital than at HOME recetly. That and a 15 month old 3 year old make messes faster than a Tornado does I swear. The 15month old figured out how to UNDO the basket for the Vacacum the 3 yearold well she would rather change clotehs 10 times a day. Trust me I have lost 30 lbs in 2 months just chasing them.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006 http:///forum/thread/382646/i-need-help#post_3341083
We fell behind due to my mother getting sick. More time at Hospital than at HOME recetly. That and a 15 month old 3 year old make messes faster than a Tornado does I swear. The 15month old figured out how to UNDO the basket for the Vacacum the 3 yearold well she would rather change clotehs 10 times a day. Trust me I have lost 30 lbs in 2 months just chasing them.

I can’t help you with the little ones..that is what they do. All I can tell you is that someday you will laugh at the things that drive you crazy today.
Everyone in the family knows what’s going on...clear the sofa and chairs so folks can sit and not concern yourself with making things perfect. Little ones are great help at picking up the little stuff that kills our backs. Make it into a fun game.
If the house isn’t ready for company so what. Learn to laugh and not be too serious. It really won’t matter what anyone thinks. Besides at the very worst they will understand you are overtaxed and need some help.

 

[meowzer]

+1....don't beat yourself up.....if they don't like it, let them clean it.....LOL
TRY to have a nice visit....

 

[ironeagle2006]

Had a Very Nice Visit we are more Worried about my mother than the House. The go as mush as you have on your Plate you fixing dinner was more than enough for us. Waay it looks mom has 2 days more in ICU then they are going to put her in the ECF unit for a while to start Rehab on her. Then when they determine that she can leave teh ospital they are going to require that she go to a Nursing home for further treatment. They found out she was not taking any of her meds for 2 weeks and this woman has a Severe Heart Condition HBP is an Insulaion Dependant Diabetic and has a few other issues.

 

[flower]

The elderly often have trouble with keeping up on medication…one day is exactly like the next, and they don’t remember if they took it or not. Those boxes with each day labeled helps. If you mother still does not keep her meds straight with that, then someone must take over and give her medicine at the proper time.
It is tough to be the caregiver and it’s a very large responsibility. Her very life depends on it. If you can’t do it. Don’t kick yourself because allot of people can’t, and it sounds like you have small children to boot. A long term care facility may be the only option.
When my mom had her knees replaced I was not able to care for her..it was too much with me working, she would be alone at night. I made sure she was in a nursing home real close so I could hop in the car and go to her if she called and reported anything. The staff knew I was right there close and treated her very well. I really don’t trust nursing homes. That is how I dealt with the situation, my dad had a nurse that came to the house each day. EXPENSIVE!
You just have to form a plan.. My work has a FMLA in place so I can leave work in a flash and go home to her because she is alone at night. She does pretty good on her own still.
I know you may not be able to do exactly as I have done..it was just what worked for me. There are allot of options out there and people to help you.

 

[ironeagle2006]

The home she is going to 1 she has 4 old Co-workers that Work there in the Administartion portion of the place. One is the DON one is the Administor the other 2 are 2 other Big Shots there so I doubt Quality of Care is going to be an Issue. 2 this is the Same place my Father is a Patient at and they know we will pull both out if the care is bad. 3 the home she will be in just finished pouring 2 million into the place for rehabs of the property of Heating new Flooring stuff like that. My father is on the Patient realtions council as President so he has some pull there also. Now we just have to get her well enough to get her out of the Hospital first. They are still saying about 30 days total before she can go to the Nursing home. That give you a clue how sick she was. Even Medicare is not screaming about her being in the Hospital so long yet. She is still in ICU til at least Monday then will be sent to the ECF where she worked for Years to continue to recover. They are still trying to get her Blood Sugars under Control.

 

[flower]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006 http:///forum/thread/382646/i-need-help#post_3341308
The home she is going to 1 she has 4 old Co-workers that Work there in the Administartion portion of the place. One is the DON one is the Administor the other 2 are 2 other Big Shots there so I doubt Quality of Care is going to be an Issue. 2 this is the Same place my Father is a Patient at and they know we will pull both out if the care is bad. 3 the home she will be in just finished pouring 2 million into the place for rehabs of the property of Heating new Flooring stuff like that. My father is on the Patient realtions council as President so he has some pull there also. Now we just have to get her well enough to get her out of the Hospital first. They are still saying about 30 days total before she can go to the Nursing home. That give you a clue how sick she was. Even Medicare is not screaming about her being in the Hospital so long yet. She is still in ICU til at least Monday then will be sent to the ECF where she worked for Years to continue to recover. They are still trying to get her Blood Sugars under Control.

Wonderful, that should make you feel better. The fact that they are talking long term care means they are not calling the family together to say their last goodbyes.

 

[ironeagle2006]

Well got a bad news good news update today. Bads news is that my mother needs alot more Surgery to get everything corrected that is going to happen tomorrow. The good thing however is her sisters got to talking and are going to help make sure that neither my father or I get overloaded. They know that I am pushing way to hard right now they could tell it in how I am looking and Talking right now.
When you go a week with only getting 3 hours of sleep a night your body starts to get rough. But that has been my dad and I each right now. A sleeping pill heck my body thinks they are a burst of Speed anymore. Called my brain is so screwed up that some drugs have the oppisite effect that they want. Some Painkillers increase my pain. Case in Point a few weeks ago doctor had to remove an inflamed Skin tag/ mole on my Left Armpit. He used Latacane. Did not work at all he goes what do I need to use I told him Inject some B-12 into it. Numbed it deader than hell. Do not ask me how it does it in me but with all the rewiring my body has done to get everything to work nothing suprises me anymore.