What's up y'all??? My story...
- Thread starter crimzy
- Start date
spanko
Active Member
Originally Posted by chilwil84
http:///forum/post/3062954
be sure to take the time to do somethin for yourself. start a new tank or something that will occupy some time and give you a nice feeling of satisfaction when its done.
He plans on it. Didn't you read the post he did about 25 year olds?
http:///forum/post/3062954
be sure to take the time to do somethin for yourself. start a new tank or something that will occupy some time and give you a nice feeling of satisfaction when its done.
He plans on it. Didn't you read the post he did about 25 year olds?
bionicarm
Active Member
This sounds like deja vu. I had the cheating wife almost 20 years ago. We moved to Dallas for my job, and I think she resented me taking her away from her family and friends in San Antonio. As ironic as it sounds, she decided she wanted to come back to SA to go to law school. So I let her move home to Mom, and I stayed in Dallas until I could find a new job back in SA. Two months later, an opportunity came along, and I moved all our stuff back to SA. Wasn't there two weeks when she told me she couldn't handle both marriage and the stress of going to law school. Found out it was she got hooked up with an old boyfriend instead. Fortunately, all we had was a dog and cat. The cat was mine, but she said she wanted to keep her. I was going to fight her for her, but then she said, "You know I'm allowed half of that 401K you've invested in over the last 6 years. If you let me keep the cat, I won't have my lawyer go after it". Needless to say, I bought another cat.
So I know how you feel crimzy. Do what I did. Buy that sports car you've always wanted but couldn't get because the wife said was just too expensive!
So I know how you feel crimzy. Do what I did. Buy that sports car you've always wanted but couldn't get because the wife said was just too expensive!
socal57che
Active Member
Crimzy, inbound PM
darthtang aw
Active Member
Just WOW! It is to late to formulate a serious and compassionate thought at the moment. But I have been through the same thing. I feel for ya. If the divorce goes smoothly the kids will handle it just fine. The key is you two being amicable....and remember, hold your cool the first time you see or meet "the other guy" because it will happen.
el guapo
Active Member
Crimzy . I really feel for you bro . Remember my situation a back in the day . I felt like it was the end of the world as I knew it . It was ! I thought I would never make it . Well I did and I am all the happier for it .
To touch base on what you said . There should be trust in a relationship . But there should only be so many "girls nights out " . You partner should not want to be away from you like that . Sure getting away from the kids is needed but not at the sake of leaving you husband/wife at home . Look at it from the other side bro . You never strayed because you never put your self out there to stray. The highlight of your week was getting a few beers hanging out with your daughters and watching some sports on T.V.! You never had the need to go out on the town or on a girls only vacation . Cheaters want to cheat . They set up premeditated plans to get out and away from the home . There is something that just doesn't click in their minds that says " I am happy with where I am " . They always want a little more . From what we know you were a bad ass husband . You worked a full time job, Came home and cooked and cleaned the house, Took care of 2 little girls, And basically did a lot of things your wife should have been doing.
I am truthfully sorry to hear this . If there is anything I can help with let me know .
To touch base on what you said . There should be trust in a relationship . But there should only be so many "girls nights out " . You partner should not want to be away from you like that . Sure getting away from the kids is needed but not at the sake of leaving you husband/wife at home . Look at it from the other side bro . You never strayed because you never put your self out there to stray. The highlight of your week was getting a few beers hanging out with your daughters and watching some sports on T.V.! You never had the need to go out on the town or on a girls only vacation . Cheaters want to cheat . They set up premeditated plans to get out and away from the home . There is something that just doesn't click in their minds that says " I am happy with where I am " . They always want a little more . From what we know you were a bad ass husband . You worked a full time job, Came home and cooked and cleaned the house, Took care of 2 little girls, And basically did a lot of things your wife should have been doing.
I am truthfully sorry to hear this . If there is anything I can help with let me know .
reefraff
Active Member
Sucks Crimz
I have had a couple good friends go through what you have.
Both remained married (for a while).One lasted about 4 years after the episode before finally admitting he couldn't forgive or forget, spent the next year or so doing the wrong thing before coming to his senses and realizing punishing her wasn't the answer and got out.
The other seems to have been able to forgive and move on with their lives like 7 years later so it looks like they are gonna make it.
My divorce didn't include cheating (Least I don't think it did
) But I know I hung on the the marriage too long out of the sense of honor, loyalty, pride, stupidity or whatever other dumb reason I hung on. We didn't have a kid together (she had one when we met) but I had this feeling of "Dam, I got too much time and effort into this thing to walk away". Having two kids with her I imagine that feeling is way more intense with you.
Good move getting some space between you. Sounds like you might be able to work stuff out on some levels where you can be friends. Thats good but always remember you have a lot of friends you would never marry. If your parents were divorced (mine were) you probably already know having divorced parents is a whole lot better than having them in a bad marriage.
All that said it sounds like you still have strong feelings for each other. Go slow and make sure you are being honest with yourself, if you can't completely forgive her you should move on.
Good luck
I have had a couple good friends go through what you have.
Both remained married (for a while).One lasted about 4 years after the episode before finally admitting he couldn't forgive or forget, spent the next year or so doing the wrong thing before coming to his senses and realizing punishing her wasn't the answer and got out.
The other seems to have been able to forgive and move on with their lives like 7 years later so it looks like they are gonna make it.
My divorce didn't include cheating (Least I don't think it did
Good move getting some space between you. Sounds like you might be able to work stuff out on some levels where you can be friends. Thats good but always remember you have a lot of friends you would never marry. If your parents were divorced (mine were) you probably already know having divorced parents is a whole lot better than having them in a bad marriage.
All that said it sounds like you still have strong feelings for each other. Go slow and make sure you are being honest with yourself, if you can't completely forgive her you should move on.
Good luck
bigarn
Active Member
Crimz,
You seem to be a great husband, great father, and have a great job!
Enjoy your freedom but take it slow ... there's plenty of women out there who would jump at the chance of a relationship with you. This you don't need at the moment (from my experience anyway)
Right now it's all about yourself and the kids (of course it always will be about the kids) Trust me, you will move on and be happier than ever.
Her loss and she will live to regret it bro.
You seem to be a great husband, great father, and have a great job!
Enjoy your freedom but take it slow ... there's plenty of women out there who would jump at the chance of a relationship with you. This you don't need at the moment (from my experience anyway)
Right now it's all about yourself and the kids (of course it always will be about the kids) Trust me, you will move on and be happier than ever.
Her loss and she will live to regret it bro.
crimzy
Active Member
Thanks all for the replies... I have to admit that I underestimated most of the people on this board. Your comments have been very insightful.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
miaheatlvr
Active Member
Originally Posted by crimzy
http:///forum/post/3063719
Thanks all for the replies... I have to admit that I underestimated most of the people on this board. Your comments have been very insightful.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
Im with you too, I can handle quite alot of things and hyjinx by my partner but INFIDELITY? Hell no! It seems just to gross for me if we were ever intimate again. I could never look at her the same again. I could care less what happened PRIOR to our relationship and would rather not know! %%
http:///forum/post/3063719
Thanks all for the replies... I have to admit that I underestimated most of the people on this board. Your comments have been very insightful.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
Im with you too, I can handle quite alot of things and hyjinx by my partner but INFIDELITY? Hell no! It seems just to gross for me if we were ever intimate again. I could never look at her the same again. I could care less what happened PRIOR to our relationship and would rather not know! %%
spiderwoman
Active Member
I'm sorry to hear what happened Crimzy. Just for future reference, not every woman cheat.... men do that too.
ironeagle2006
Active Member
Crimzy the best thing I ever did what get out of my FIRST MARRIAGE or as I call it the 6 years of HELL. I am now remarried and in love with the most wonderful woman that there is and would not trade the last 3 years of my life for anything.
nw2salt08
Active Member
Sorry to hear this, Crimz. I've been through this with my exhusband. Same situation just s-e-x-e-s reversed. We have a son together and we talk now. We treat it as an understanding that we'll get along for our son and not talk down about each other. It's been 5 years since we've been divorced and things do get better with time. He cheated... I moved on. The tables reversed on him two weeks ago when the woman he cheated on me with left him because she didn't want to be in a relationship with him any longer.
Best advice I can give....live life for your kids and YOU. Those are the most important reasons to put yourself first. If you're happy then the kids will be happy. Rely on your faith too. It has a way of helping you out of situations and give you clarity when you think there isn't any.
Best advice I can give....live life for your kids and YOU. Those are the most important reasons to put yourself first. If you're happy then the kids will be happy. Rely on your faith too. It has a way of helping you out of situations and give you clarity when you think there isn't any.
ironeagle2006
Active Member
Originally Posted by Nw2Salt08
http:///forum/post/3063811
Sorry to hear this, Crimz. I've been through this with my exhusband. Same situation just s-e-x-e-s reversed. We have a son together and we talk now. We treat it as an understanding that we'll get along for our son and not talk down about each other. It's been 5 years since we've been divorced and things do get better with time. He cheated... I moved on. The tables reversed on him two weeks ago when the woman he cheated on me with left him because she didn't want to be in a relationship with him any longer.
Best advice I can give....live life for your kids and YOU. Those are the most important reasons to put yourself first. If you're happy then the kids will be happy. Rely on your faith too. It has a way of helping you out of situations and give you clarity when you think there isn't any.
No truer words spoken. When my Ex left I realized something I was happy for the first time in YEARS. Then something else happened to me I became the person I wanted to be and met someone that looked past the disabliaty and looked at the inner ME. Crimzy you may be hurting like no tomorrow right now however remember this there is a wonderful thing called Karma and it tends to bite back those that due you wrong. Keep your head up and always remember what does not kill you only makes you stronger and any person that has gone thru a divorce is PROOF OF THAT.
http:///forum/post/3063811
Sorry to hear this, Crimz. I've been through this with my exhusband. Same situation just s-e-x-e-s reversed. We have a son together and we talk now. We treat it as an understanding that we'll get along for our son and not talk down about each other. It's been 5 years since we've been divorced and things do get better with time. He cheated... I moved on. The tables reversed on him two weeks ago when the woman he cheated on me with left him because she didn't want to be in a relationship with him any longer.
Best advice I can give....live life for your kids and YOU. Those are the most important reasons to put yourself first. If you're happy then the kids will be happy. Rely on your faith too. It has a way of helping you out of situations and give you clarity when you think there isn't any.
No truer words spoken. When my Ex left I realized something I was happy for the first time in YEARS. Then something else happened to me I became the person I wanted to be and met someone that looked past the disabliaty and looked at the inner ME. Crimzy you may be hurting like no tomorrow right now however remember this there is a wonderful thing called Karma and it tends to bite back those that due you wrong. Keep your head up and always remember what does not kill you only makes you stronger and any person that has gone thru a divorce is PROOF OF THAT.
meowzer
Moderator
Originally Posted by ironeagle2006
http:///forum/post/3063839
No truer words spoken. When my Ex left I realized something I was happy for the first time in YEARS. Then something else happened to me I became the person I wanted to be and met someone that looked past the disabliaty and looked at the inner ME. Crimzy you may be hurting like no tomorrow right now however remember this there is a wonderful thing called Karma and it tends to bite back those that due you wrong. Keep your head up and always remember what does not kill you only makes you stronger and any person that has gone thru a divorce is PROOF OF THAT.
YUP true true...I had a best friend and for 10 years she had never seen me smile...she actually thought it was part of my personality(imagine that)....well once my ex and I split....and This feeling that I can not explain was gone from me...the real me was able to emerge.....I am always smiling....and joking around....That is what keeps me going...LOL....Bad times still come and go...they are a part of life as we know it...BUT I try to "laugh" myself thru it....
And you will too...won't be tomorrow...or next month....BUT YOU WILL...laugh again
http:///forum/post/3063839
No truer words spoken. When my Ex left I realized something I was happy for the first time in YEARS. Then something else happened to me I became the person I wanted to be and met someone that looked past the disabliaty and looked at the inner ME. Crimzy you may be hurting like no tomorrow right now however remember this there is a wonderful thing called Karma and it tends to bite back those that due you wrong. Keep your head up and always remember what does not kill you only makes you stronger and any person that has gone thru a divorce is PROOF OF THAT.
YUP true true...I had a best friend and for 10 years she had never seen me smile...she actually thought it was part of my personality(imagine that)....well once my ex and I split....and This feeling that I can not explain was gone from me...the real me was able to emerge.....I am always smiling....and joking around....That is what keeps me going...LOL....Bad times still come and go...they are a part of life as we know it...BUT I try to "laugh" myself thru it....
And you will too...won't be tomorrow...or next month....BUT YOU WILL...laugh again
uneverno
Active Member
Uff - that's harsh. Been in the same situation myself.
Best I can say is (assuming they're older than 4-5 years or so) talk to your kids about it. You'd be surprised what they already know. Tough as it may be, try not to castigate your wife in the process. Be as honest as you're comfortable with, and answer their questions. If the answer is: "I can't tell you right now," make sure they know that means that at some point you will.
15 years later, mine are great young adults (21 and 23) and I have a fantastic relationship with both of them.
It was tough at the time, but that's all I care about now.
Best I can say is (assuming they're older than 4-5 years or so) talk to your kids about it. You'd be surprised what they already know. Tough as it may be, try not to castigate your wife in the process. Be as honest as you're comfortable with, and answer their questions. If the answer is: "I can't tell you right now," make sure they know that means that at some point you will.
15 years later, mine are great young adults (21 and 23) and I have a fantastic relationship with both of them.
It was tough at the time, but that's all I care about now.
el guapo
Active Member
Originally Posted by crimzy
http:///forum/post/3063719
Thanks all for the replies... I have to admit that I underestimated most of the people on this board. Your comments have been very insightful.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
I can say from experience that there are indeed better things to be in the future . You'll look back and laugh at things and wonder why you ever thought that's how life was supposed to be . At least I do .
http:///forum/post/3063719
Thanks all for the replies... I have to admit that I underestimated most of the people on this board. Your comments have been very insightful.
A lot of people have suggested that it is possible to reconcile after something like this. However it's not possible for me. The worst part of this situation for me (finding out) is over... now it's time to look forward to better things.
I can say from experience that there are indeed better things to be in the future . You'll look back and laugh at things and wonder why you ever thought that's how life was supposed to be . At least I do .