Why do people cheat?

[deejeff442]

i remember when i got my drivers licence

i thought aids popped up like ich in a tank

anyone who cheats will get caught.maybe they dont want to confront thier other half and just want to get caught for an easy out?
really stupid to have an affair -one night stand and throw your whole life down the crapper.

 

[mantisman51]

Back to the motel

It is a fundemental misunderstanding of what love is that causes cheating. Stephen Covey said it best. "Love is not the feelings of exitement and rapture that we feel. Love is the conscious ACTIONS to put another above our wants and desires." Simply put: The sensation of emotions that we feel is the reward of LOVING someone and putting them and their needs before ours; the emotion we feel is the reward of loving someone. When we try to fulfill the emotional w/o the commitment, there is only the flame of passion and the never-ending quest to seek another thrill.

 

[t316]

Holy Smokes....well I'm educated on AIDS and diseases now

Thanks Flower for keeping on track.
Mantis, that guy (Covey) sounds familiar. I think I have read some of his books, not sure.

 

[t316]

Btw...my buddy's out of the slammer. I'm not going to try to call tonight. I'm sure he will contact me tomorrow. From more I'm hearing, sounds like he beat the dude up pretty bad.

 

[stdreb27]

I don't know, but if I'm facilitating a woman cheating. Then I wouldn't call the cops or press charges when I got the living daylights beat out of me. I had it coming.

 

[t316]

Originally Posted by stdreb27
http:///forum/post/3136925
I don't know, but if I'm facilitating a woman cheating. Then I wouldn't call the cops or press charges when I got the living daylights beat out of me. I had it coming.
I totally agree, but I think it was her that made the call. I know I have withheld some of the details here, but apparently he caught them in the act, and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. I think she made the call because she was afraid her husband was going to kill him, literally. But regardless of their intent to dismiss the charges, once the police show up and see the damage, they have the obligation to proceed without an individual pressing charges.

 

[crypt keeper]

Temp. Insanity. It will fly

 

[stdreb27]

Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136928
I totally agree, but I think it was her that made the call. I know I have withheld some of the details here, but apparently he caught them in the act, and proceeded to beat the crap out of him. I think she made the call because she was afraid her husband was going to kill him, literally. But regardless of their intent to dismiss the charges, once the police show up and see the damage, they have the obligation to proceed without an individual pressing charges.

Man oh man

 

[t316]

Originally Posted by crypt keeper
http:///forum/post/3136930
Temp. Insanity. It will fly
Well, that would work as an explanation for the extent of the damage, but as I mentioned in a previous post, I believe there was a window of opportunity there where he knew what was going on, and made the choice to enter.
Not saying that I disagree with his decision, just looking at it from a law point of view. Either way, I know it had to be gut wrenching to witness this.

 

[ruaround]

window of oppertunity or not... if you catch your SO in the act then someone is gonna get a beating...
its too bad this happened...

 

[sepulatian]

Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3136804
Holy Smokes....well I'm educated on AIDS and diseases now

Thanks Flower for keeping on track.
Mantis, that guy (Covey) sounds familiar. I think I have read some of his books, not sure.
Sorry that your thread turned south for no reason Dwight. I am sorry about your friend as well...

 

[reefforbrains]

This has to be the only board I frequent that one has to cut through so much political correct BS in order to speak on any subject.
All sorts of finger pointing and exclamations about morals. Phsyco babble and complicated testimonials that just sound like a bunch of old hens. Completley forgetting about just how real the allure of a beautiful man/woman. No, not a relationship, not some deep bonding...just physical attraction. For instance some men marry beautiful women,...then wind up living with some old hag.....so they cheat. Man or woman vice versa it still hold true. Cast judgement or scowl if you like but I personally can't blame them.

 

[t316]

Originally Posted by sepulatian
http:///forum/post/3137011
Sorry that your thread turned south for no reason Dwight. I am sorry about your friend as well...
Oh, it didn't bother me...I can go with the flow, but thanks

 

[t316]

Update (and this offers a new theory to the thread question here)....
He called me today and went thru all the details, but I asked him what led up to this. He said that something is wrong with her. She has been losing weight (down to 95 lbs.), not eating much, and when she does...not healthy. She had started to become reclusive to him and texting secretly alot more(I think this is just due to the other person). He said it's like her hormones were off, just wierd behavior all around, not just associated with the final act.
For those of you that have been thru it, does this sound like a mid-life crises, or what people refer to as "the change of life"?

 

[meowzer]

Sounds like drug involvement to me.....But I am clueless about drug stuff

 

[t316]

Originally Posted by meowzer
http:///forum/post/3137226
Sounds like drug involvement to me.....But I am clueless about drug stuff
I asked him about that. I was afraid it might offend him because neither of them have ever touched any drugs. But he said no, he tried to think of all possiblilities too, but he doesn't believe that to be the case. He said there is no evidence anywhere around the house, and her recent behavior has been a constant, not a sudden mood swing here/there like if she were to get high or take something.

 

[stdreb27]

Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3137229
I asked him about that. I was afraid it might offend him because neither of them have ever touched any drugs. But he said no, he tried to think of all possiblilities too, but he doesn't believe that to be the case. He said there is no evidence anywhere around the house, and her recent behavior has been a constant, not a sudden mood swing here/there like if she were to get high or take something.
not to be light about it, but don't they joke about mid-life weight loss being one of the signs of an affair?

 

[cranberry]

Originally Posted by T316
http:///forum/post/3137213
Update (and this offers a new theory to the thread question here)....
He called me today and went thru all the details, but I asked him what led up to this. He said that something is wrong with her. She has been losing weight (down to 95 lbs.), not eating much, and when she does...not healthy. She had started to become reclusive to him and texting secretly alot more(I think this is just due to the other person). He said it's like her hormones were off, just wierd behavior all around, not just associated with the final act.
For those of you that have been thru it, does this sound like a mid-life crises, or what people refer to as "the change of life"?
That would all be signs of an affair, I'm afraid. Pretty "classic".

 

[t316]

Originally Posted by stdreb27
http:///forum/post/3137265
not to be light about it, but don't they joke about mid-life weight loss being one of the signs of an affair?

Originally Posted by Cranberry
http:///forum/post/3137268
That would all be signs of an affair, I'm afraid. Pretty "classic".
yeah, I guess the weight loss doesn't necessarily mean anything other than trying to look good for somebody else...

 

[hlcroghan]

Cheating.....this is a very important subject to me.
I have never ever been cheated on to my knowledge but I have been the cheater.
I have not cheated with every person that I have ever been with and I have been faithful. However, I have done it many times. Mostly when I was younger. Most of my issue was my s-ex drive. It was extraordinarly high between the ages of 16 and 26 or so. Literally unable to function without it on a regular basis, so being single was really out of the question for me and being with someone who's se-x drive waned over time was really hard. I struggled with not wanting to lose someone I genuinely cared about and loved but at the same time being in need. A lot of it has to do with the psychology of the "new shiny" thing, as I call it. You can become addicted to the endorphine rush that you get engaging someone physically for the first time which is where most se-x addictions start. Sexual psychology is my favorite subject for this very reason.
I am 28 now and thankfully that drive has reduced a lot. I can now go about my business without needing that every single day. It is quite a relief as you can imagine.
There were also a couple other times when I did it simply because my needs and desires were not being met in other ways. For instance, the lazy husband who never wants to do anything to help outand burns you out mentally and emotionally. You have a need to be shown desire and caring that you are not getting. Genetically, humans are not really meant to only be with one person. It is actually quite natural to be a polyamorous person. Meaning "many loves" or multiple partners. Remember that I am not talking about God or religion at all here.
Now, having said all this, there are many many times that I wish I had done it the right way and ended the relationship first although I have never ever been caught. I have told people after the fact though. I don't condone it in any sense. I have always felt horrible about it and never just said, "Oh well...".
I also do not drink by myself ever because it lowers my common sense and inhibitions to those sorts of things. There are many preventative measures I have to take to keep myself from those situations and try to maintain my integrity with the person I am with currently.
Wonder how many people people will think I am a man now? lol