Originally posted by Bang Guy
You mean in a written document.
I'm sure other states are different but a living will isn't a legal document in Florida. Writing down your wishes is certainly advisable but it's just a piece of paper used to communicate your wishes. A medical proxy is a legal document though. In Florida with no documented Medical Proxy the next-of-kin becomes the medical proxy. That would be her husband. The burden of all of Terry's medical decisions were his and his alone. The state, feds and everyone else should have stayed out of it.
Have any of you been the family member/medical proxy/power of attorney in a situation similar to this?
I have and it was even worse. I had an ex sister-in-law that was in the final stages of Frederichs Ataxia, a form of muscular dystrophy. She lost her little brother to drug addiction, her mother to alcholism and when her father died from a heart attack there was no one to take care of her. They had her in a nursing home when she was 28 years old. I came back into her life after a 10 year absence. She couldn't walk, couldn't feed herself, couldn't do anything for herself and no one could understand her when she spoke. Opposite from Terry her brain was in perfect condition as was her heart and her soul.
With the help of many state agencies I got her into an apartment for the handicapped, round the clock nursing care and I took over carrying out all HER decisions for her. She lived 2 years after that and had 2 wishes. Die in her own apartment and not be in horrible pain. She knew she would probably die from aspiration, knew that every muscle in her body would hurt with unbearable pain and she would not be able to communicate. She knew that there probably would be no "miracle cure" for her disease and had a living will.
When it came down to the last few months of her life I knew exactly what to do. Not because she could write a detailed list of what she considered life support and what she didn't and what point I should just keep injecting the morphine to keep her out of pain even though I risked killing her by lowering her respiration or just downright overdosing her. I knew that at the end I couldn't as much as call 911 because a living will is useless if you call 911, they must use all life saving measures.I knew from detailed conversations over the first year of the 2 years (I spent enough time with her to understand her speech at that point) I was so scared during the last couple of months that I wouldn't be strong enough to carry out her wishes. I made many 4 am phone calls to the doctor terrified that I would kill her with narcotics because she would continue to scream in the most inhuman sounds imaginable. I almost lost my mind wanting to call 911 and let someone else take over. She couldn't communicate at all the last few months. I thank God that she had a wonderful and loving Doctor and Priest to help me and her.
What if an aunt, an uncle or some cousin had challenged the decisions? What if someone wanted to wait for that miracle cure? Challenged why I had any right with no blood relationship and a 10 year absence from her life? Getting my name on her checking account? Obtaining her power of attorney? What if someone wanted to sue me? Ruin my whole life? What if someone accused me of murder? Did I have written proof of her wishes? NO but, I knew them down to the last detail of what song she wanted played at her funeral, which I had to arrange also.
Terry's case scares me. Mistakes will be made by families, terrible ones but, not as widely as the precedent set by this. Each case is unique. These things don't belong in the courts at all in my opinion and now even fed level can get involved. How many people will not agree to help someone out of fear of the new legal ramifications of their actions? We have too few people willing to take on the care of terminal patients as it is.
Jamie died a horrible death at age 38 but by God she died in her own apartment, with her beloved cat laying on her chest, exactly the way she told me, her doctor and her priest, two years earlier she wanted to die. The two years I spent coordinating Jamie's health care and following through to ensure that she had the quality of life and quality of death that she wanted are the two most important years of my life. Jamie thought I was wonderful to take care of her. I think Jamie was wonderful to allow me be part of her couragous journey. I am a better person because of her.
