rainbow grouper
Active Member
i love that
Thought I'd Share A Laugh!
- Thread starter bigarn
- Start date
reefraff
Active Member
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar
and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly
came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my
house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let
him out..
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his
spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on
for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner
of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every
afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 He's trying to catch
up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly
came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my
house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let
him out..
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his
spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on
for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner
of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every
afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 He's trying to catch
up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
rainbow grouper
Active Member
really bad
travelerjp98
Active Member
hahha... it took me a while to get that one but it is funny once you do get it.
reefraff
Active Member
Cowboy Jim appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?'
St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple a minutes ago.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?'
St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple a minutes ago.
rainbow grouper
Active Member
bad once again
flower
Well-Known Member
A fellow was at the pearly gates and he sees a hansome man with a beautiful woman attached to his wrist by a teather. So the fellow asked old St. peter what was up. He was informed that in heaven if you are good you get a beautiful person forever at your side.
The man was delighted and then a teather appeared on his wrist....POOF...a very common but attractive woman was beside him. The man protested, he thought he derserved better... "Hey...what's going on?" he asked...St. Peter explained, "Well sir...she has to do her penance like everyone else who made mistakes."
The man was delighted and then a teather appeared on his wrist....POOF...a very common but attractive woman was beside him. The man protested, he thought he derserved better... "Hey...what's going on?" he asked...St. Peter explained, "Well sir...she has to do her penance like everyone else who made mistakes."
travelerjp98
Active Member
the last 2 jokes weren't bad in any way, but they weren't as funny as some of them on here.
mantisman51
Active Member
A guy goes to a cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. He passed a guy on his knees crying quite loudly, "Why did you have to go?" After delivering the flowers, he passed the guy again and he was crying loudly still, "Why did you have to die?" The man was touched and asked, "did your wife die?" The man shook his head no and continued sobbing. "Was it you Mom or Dad?" The man shook his head no and continued crying uncontrollably. "I apologize, but who is it?" The man looked up through red stained eyes and said, "It was my wife's first husband."
travelerjp98
Active Member
Quote:
Originally Posted by mantisman51 http:///t/387480/thought-i-d-share-a-laugh/80#post_3414748
A guy goes to a cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. He passed a guy on his knees crying quite loudly, "Why did you have to go?" After delivering the flowers, he passed the guy again and he was crying loudly still, "Why did you have to die?" The man was touched and asked, "did your wife die?" The man shook his head no and continued sobbing. "Was it you Mom or Dad?" The man shook his head no and continued crying uncontrollably. "I apologize, but who is it?" The man looked up through red stained eyes and said, "It was my wife's first husband."
Great one!
Originally Posted by mantisman51 http:///t/387480/thought-i-d-share-a-laugh/80#post_3414748
A guy goes to a cemetery to lay flowers on a grave. He passed a guy on his knees crying quite loudly, "Why did you have to go?" After delivering the flowers, he passed the guy again and he was crying loudly still, "Why did you have to die?" The man was touched and asked, "did your wife die?" The man shook his head no and continued sobbing. "Was it you Mom or Dad?" The man shook his head no and continued crying uncontrollably. "I apologize, but who is it?" The man looked up through red stained eyes and said, "It was my wife's first husband."
Great one!
S
saxman
Guest
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her
to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......
I just never saw one mounted and framed."
to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her
to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......
I just never saw one mounted and framed."
reefraff
Active Member
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. Yeah, I know but for the sake of argument....
She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by an angel who is processing her admission. Ms. Clinton notices all these clocks, clocks everywhere showing different times and they appear to be running at different speeds. She asks the angel about them and is told "those are honesty clocks, every time a person tells a lie the hand on the clock moves one tick forward". Ms. Clinton was fascinated as well as curious. "Where is my clock?" she asks. "Right here" the angel replies, "running faster than some, slower than others". Now Ms. Clinton gets really curious. "Where is my husbands?" she asks. "The chief keeps it in his office" says the angel. "It makes a great ceiling fan"
She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by an angel who is processing her admission. Ms. Clinton notices all these clocks, clocks everywhere showing different times and they appear to be running at different speeds. She asks the angel about them and is told "those are honesty clocks, every time a person tells a lie the hand on the clock moves one tick forward". Ms. Clinton was fascinated as well as curious. "Where is my clock?" she asks. "Right here" the angel replies, "running faster than some, slower than others". Now Ms. Clinton gets really curious. "Where is my husbands?" she asks. "The chief keeps it in his office" says the angel. "It makes a great ceiling fan"
S
saxman
Guest
pfffffffffffffffft! I wonder if Hillary's doesn't travel just as fast...
travelerjp98
Active Member
saxman's really made me laugh... the whole part of it!
Reefraff's was pretty good too.
Reefraff's was pretty good too.
rainbow grouper
Active Member
I love this thread.
flower
Well-Known Member
A woman was pregnant with twins and she went to a psychic to find out about their future....the old Gypsy tells her one child will grow up to be a doctor and the other a rock and roll singer. The woman said he husband would be delighted about the doctor but that he hates rock and roll.
So she goes home and tells her husband to kick her in the right side because she thinks that is where the little singer is....so when it's time to have the babies one is born dead...the second pops out singing......
Da Da Da dum...you hit my brother but you didn't get me..da da da dum, cause I was hiding by the left kidney
This joke is much better told when you can sing the last line.
I messed up the last joke I told, but had already given away the punch line.
So she goes home and tells her husband to kick her in the right side because she thinks that is where the little singer is....so when it's time to have the babies one is born dead...the second pops out singing......
Da Da Da dum...you hit my brother but you didn't get me..da da da dum, cause I was hiding by the left kidney
This joke is much better told when you can sing the last line.
rainbow grouper
Active Member
that wasn't bad
travelerjp98
Active Member
not too bad but it didn't make me laugh out loud like some of the other ones did... sorry flower...